Was Willow Tara's first girlfriend?

[tkts]

Spinoff from another thread:

We hardly know anything about Tara's life pre-Willow, except that she comes from a dysfunctional family where the men like to control the women by claiming they're part demon.

Even Riley has more back story. We hear his Grant Wood description of his home life in Iowa; we hear him talk about driving four hours for a football game; we know from Forrest that Buffy's not the first girl he's dated. But Tara, not so much. The audience is pretty much in the same boat as Xander when he's trying to come up with a birthday present and says "I just know she likes Willow, and she already has one of those."

Her pre-Willow love life, if she had one, is especially unknown. We know that Willow views her as the more experienced of the two -- at least in terms of having been openly gay for longer -- but has Tara had a girlfriend before?

Her painful shyness would have made it difficult for someone to get close to her. When we first meet her at age 19, she's Season 1 Willow to the nth degree, because even Willow wasn't that withdrawn. For someone to make time with pre-Willow Tara, she'd almost have to be a Kennedy-type character -- assertive enough to not be dissuaded by a shy person's apparent lack of response to her overtures.

On the flip side, she doesn't really act like someone who's just figuring it all out, but that might just be attributable to her seemingly inherent wisdom and grasp of human nature (which has always been one of my favorite things about her character).

So, what say you? Was Willow Tara's first girlfriend, first lover, first kiss? Or was there someone in Tara's past who we've never heard about?

[whitecandy]

I think Willow was Tara's first girlfriend. There was something about the innocence and beauty of their love that just seemed new and unexplored for both of them, not just with each other, but in life itself. Sure, Willow loved Oz, but not in the same way she loved Tara. Tara seems so shy and like she was waiting for that special one who would bring her out of herself, and I agree that she seemed un-new to it all simply because she was so wise, and I also think because her love for Willow was that which couldn't be tamed, no matter how unknowledgable about these things she would be, it just came naturally to Tara, and then Willow too.

[willowsummers]

I can't really tell. I do lean more toward the fact that Willow was her first serious relationship. I have always thought that Tara was aware sooner than Willow about her lesbian feelings. I don't know if she just knew it sooner about Willow or if she had been attracted to other females before.

[Darth Rosie]

It seemed to me that Tara had a rather stable lesbian identity. How this identity came into being - by way of kisses and gay love or just crushes on women is something that unfortunately wasn't told. Somehow the fight between Willow and Tara in Tough Love seemed to indicate that Tara had had at least some experience before Willow. Maybe some sneaky cuddling with a girl who was as shy as she was in High School. Sometimes the shy girls do unite

[N.D.U.O]

I agree with Darth Rosie, but I remeber in Tough Love, Willow and Tara have a fight:

TARA: I trust you. I just ... (looks down) I don't know where I'm gonna fit in ... in your life when...
WILLOW: When ... I change back? Yeah, this is a college thing, just a, a little experimentation before I get over the thrill and head back to boys' town.

Pause.

WILLOW: You think that?
TARA: Should I?
WILLOW: I'm really sorry that I didn't establish my lesbo street cred before I got into this relationship. You're the only woman I've ever fallen in love with, so ... how on earth could you ever take me seriously?

it seems like Tara had been a lesbo before Willow

[Darth Rosie]

Thanks, this is exactly the scene I had been thinking about!

[Jaz ♀♀]

I agree with Rosie on this one.

[The Girl In Question]

I think tkts asked a good question. We know that Tara had always known she was a lesbian (or at least has been aware of it for a long time beofre Willow), but I too wonder if Willow was her first everything. I think it would add a whole new level of cuteness to their relationship if she was, but I wouldn't be suprised if she's dated girls before Willow.

[Midnight Butterfly]

It's fact that Tara discovered her Sexuality before Willow and may have voiced it, although I think we can all assume that even though she knew she was gay before Willow, Willow was still her first girlfriend. Tara didn't have any friends and she was very shy so I find it unlikely she had a girlfriend previously, especially considering the grasp her father had on her.

[CourtneyDax]

I agree with Midnight Butterfly. That's what I had thought all along.

[birdandbear]

I always thought that Tara must have been out, and had other girlfriends before she left home for college. Clearly her father was well aware of her preference when he came to collect her, but was hoping she'd "get it out of her system" if he cut her loose for a while. His reference to a large crystal as a 'toy' is unmistakable....
Given that, I'd imagine she'd done some exploring with other girls, but I think Willow was definitely her first true love, and that magic is partly what made their relationship so incredibly sweet.
I'd be more curious to know if she ever dated boys at all....
I'd love to know more of Tara's back story - how she grew into her power among a family who did their best to strip it from her, and I'd love to know more about her mother - I think there's a tale that could definitely be told there.

[Darth Rosie]

Apr 3, 2010 19:03:47 GMT -5 Midnight Butterfly said:

It's fact that Tara discovered her Sexuality before Willow and may have voiced it, although I think we can all assume that even though she knew she was gay before Willow, Willow was still her first girlfriend. Tara didn't have any friends and she was very shy so I find it unlikely she had a girlfriend previously, especially considering the grasp her father had on her.

That's a good argument, but still, it ain't necessarily so. Who knows how Tara was in High School? There was some strength in her, else she wouldn't have become proficient in magic. And that same inner strength may have guided her into physical contact with another girl. Btw, I don't think Tara ever dated boys or thought of dating boys. She seems like the classic "gold star" to me

[Beaumonde]

Apr 4, 2010 4:07:39 GMT -5 Darth Rosie said:

That's a good argument, but still, it ain't necessarily so. Who knows how Tara was in High School? There was some strength in her, else she wouldn't have become proficient in magic. And that same inner strength may have guided her into physical contact with another girl. Btw, I don't think Tara ever dated boys or thought of dating boys. She seems like the classic "gold star" to me

I remember her brother making a comment after she introduced him to the scoobies. It was something like "That's more people than you met in High School" so I assumed she was always reserved and had few friends, if any.

I've always thought Willow was her first girlfriend, and I don't think she dated any boys before Willow either.

[Midnight Butterfly]

I agree that Tara never would have dated boys, dont think she would have been interested. On looking back I understand why people think she may have dated a girl previously, although I don't think she has. She does always seem a little experianced but I just don't think she would socialised as far as landing a GF before Willow

[buffyfan21]

Given the conversation that Willow and Tara had in Season 5, it seems likely that Tara had other relationships before Willow, or at least experimented. I agree with birdandbear, though. Willow was Tara's true love. I think it's a safe bet to say that any relationships Tara may have had previously are nothing compared to what she experienced with Willow. I think the two made a very profound connection, completely unmatched by any others' in their lives.

[tkts]

I think the argument in "Tough Love" is really pretty noncommittal in terms of what it reveals about Tara's past.

The text:

WILLOW
No, I was snippy gal, it's just... I
know I can't, on some level... it's
like my opinion isn't worth anything
because I haven't been through... I
didn't lose my mom, so I don't know...

TARA
Well I'm not the expert, I mean, I
only lost one... Do I act like I'm
the big Knowledge Woman?

WILLOW
No...

TARA
Is that "no" spelled Y-E-S?

WILLOW
S-O-R-T of... it's just... I mean I
just feel like the junior partner
sometimes, you've been doing
everything longer than me, you've
been out longer, and practicing
witchcraft way longer--

TARA
--Oh but you're way beyond me there.
In just a few -- I mean it frightens me
how powerful you're getting.

and:

WILLOW
I'm not feeling real multicultural
right now. What is it about me that
you don't trust?

TARA
It's not that. I worry. Sometimes...
You're changing so much, so fast,
I don't know... where you're heading...

WILLOW
Where I'm heading?

TARA
I'm saying everything wrong.

WILLOW
(vulnerable)
I think you're being pretty clear.
It isn't the witch thing -- this is
about the other changes in my life.

TARA
I trust you. I just... I don't know
where I'm gonna fit in. In your
life, when --

WILLOW
When I 'change back'? Yeah, this is
just a college thing, just a little
experimentation before I get over
the thrill and head back to boys' town.
You think that?

She is pretty confrontational here. Even Tara is surprised that she meets it halfway:

TARA
Should I?

Beat. Bitter.

WILLOW
You know, I'm really sorry I didn't
establish my lesbo street cred before
I got into this relationship. But you're
the only woman I've ever fallen in love
with, so how on earth could you possibly
take me seriously?

[/center]

Tara's "lesbo street cred" could mean she's dated other women, or just that she was out in high school too, so she's not just a LUG (Lesbian Until Graduation) who plays around with it in college 'cause that's the kind of thing that college is for.

[CourtneyDax]

I think with Donny's statement that she barely met any friends proves that she probably never got close to any girls back in her high school days.
When we first meet Tara in 'Hush', she can barely form an opinion to defend her witchcrafting, much less strike up a conversation with other girls. Maybe she had made one or two lesbian friends before Willow, and I can believe came out to her other friends as well, but her extremely reserved nature doesn't make it seem possible that she could have gotten with anyone else.

[Xander-Shaped Friend]

I always assumed she'd been with others in some form before Willow and maybe the closest friends she had in high school were lesbians or people she experimented with.

[Eric]

I always liked to imagine she had fallen in love or had a crush on a girl in high school or college only to have her heart broken when she was straight. Maybe it's just me.

[elenasaur]

WILLOW
You know, I'm really sorry I didn't
establish my lesbo street cred before
I got into this relationship. But you're
the only woman I've ever fallen in love
with, so how on earth could you possibly
take me seriously?

That's the quote I would think of when trying to figure this out. It makes it seem like Tara already knew that she was a lesbian during high school, and the whole 'lesbo street cred' bit makes it seem like Tara would have already been in a relationship.

However, I doubt that Tara had a serious relationship before Willow. Everything about them seemed like such a new experience for both of them.

While Tara is incredibly shy and burdened with an overbearing family, I still think it's possible that she had a high school relationship. She probably had friends all the way back from elementary school, and she may have been a bit more outgoing than when we first meet her at college. I'm not saying I think it is 100% true, I just think it is a possibility.