Post by Emmie on Nov 18, 2010 0:05:14 GMT -5
Title: Free Gift With Slayage
Summary: Buffy slays a demon and saves a damsel in distress. Unfortunately.
Timeline: Early Season 7
Rating: PG
Word Count: 700
Author’s Note: This started as an attempt to write a story for Deird’s Comic Covers Ficathon, then it became silly dialogue porn. You’ll see what I mean.
“So you’re saying I can ask for anything I want? Anything at all?” Buffy blinked. “Uh, thanks, but no thanks.”
“The wish is your reward for saving my life.” The lady gestured grandly, her arm sweeping out to point at Buffy. The slight breeze snaking through the headstones rustled the hem of her silk gown.
“Being the Slayer’s taught me you don’t look gift horses in the mouth—you just say no. Besides, saving your life is a sacred duty thing. No big. I mean, yeah, I almost got impaled on Velcro-y—”
“Veloxi.”
“—demon guy’s chest horns but I’m good. It’s just a flesh wound.”
The lady tilted her head. “You must wish for I am in your debt, Chosen One.”
“And I’m saying we’re even. I saved your life, you offered me a snazzy gift and I settled for this nifty conversation. See? Even. So, thanks. Really. Good times.”
“If you refuse to wish, then I will remain bound to you.”
“Wait, bound to me as in bound to me? ‘Cause I’m really not ready for that kind of commitment." Buffy scowled. “Exactly how bound are we talkin’ here? Like old summer camp buddies who write the occasional letter or attached at the hip Siamese twins?”
“I go where you go. I sleep when you sleep. I rise and fall in your shadow. I will be the glimmer in your eye and—”
“The wind beneath my wings? Oh god.” Buffy’s eyes widened with horror. “So how do I get rid of you? Not that you’re bad company, as supernatural types go you seem nice, but really how do I get rid of you?”
“Wish.”
Buffy shook her head. “Nope, not doing that, so door number two?”
“I go where you go. I sl—”
“What about a spell? I just happen to have a friend who’s a very powerful witch and I’m sure she could find a loophole.”
The lady nodded. “If your witch would kill me, I have no recourse. I am bound.”
“Oh no. No killing. Definitely no killing. I'm not gonna kill you for being annoying. Yet.” Buffy’s shoulders slumped. “Well, this just sucks.”
The lady scrutinized Buffy. “You fear the wish.”
“Uh yeah. I’m friends with an ex-vengeance demon, so you picked the wrong mark, lady. I don’t even say the ‘W’ word anymore.”
“I am no vengeance demon.”
“Well, sure, you say that now…”
“I am Tuatha Dé Danann,” the lady said, pride in her voice, shaking her long black hair and straightening her spine. “I am Fae.”
“Like Tinkerbell? Seriously?” Buffy snorted. “Wait, aren’t fairies supposed to be tricky like true-false questions?”
Fae Lady narrowed her eyes. “You ask many questions. Many, many questions.”
Buffy shrugged.
Fae Lady sighed. “To calm your fears, come what may, ill or nay: I grant you a second wish to turn back the wheel, if you so desire.”
“There’s a wheel now? But no, okay, you mean like a do-over? A reset button?” Buffy frowned. “Isn’t that kinda lame?”
A tense edge marred the lyrical tone of Fae Lady’s voice. “You ask many questions yet you seek no answers.”
Buffy shrugged again. “I’m American. It’s what we do.”
“You come from a tribe of impulsive aggressors, your spiritual heritage is the Hand, yet you hesitate to act.”
Crossing her arms, Buffy scoffed. “That’s ‘cause you’re trying to trick me with your fairy logic. And you’re the one wasting time trying to talk to the Hand. Yeah, I said it. Try to trick on that.”
“I hide naught,” Fae Lady said, holding out her hands, palms facing up. “Now the question is mine: what does your heart most desire? Wish and I will make it so.”
“See, now you’re trying to tempt me with your too-good-to-be-true promises and your seductive fairy voice. Nuh uh. Not me.”
“I await your answer.”
“How’s that working out for ya?”
“I am immortal. Patience is the air I breathe. I await your answer.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Pfft.”
Eight Hours Later
“Buffy, does your friend want Cheerios or Fruit Loops?”
“I dunno, Will. Oooh, I bet she wants Lucky Charms. Wait, no, that’s Leprechaun cereal.” Buffy looked questioningly at Fae Lady. “Do you like Leprechauns? Or are they the enemy of your people?”
Fae Lady tightened her jaw. “I. Await. Your. Answer.”
Buffy stuck out her tongue.
Summary: Buffy slays a demon and saves a damsel in distress. Unfortunately.
Timeline: Early Season 7
Rating: PG
Word Count: 700
Author’s Note: This started as an attempt to write a story for Deird’s Comic Covers Ficathon, then it became silly dialogue porn. You’ll see what I mean.
“So you’re saying I can ask for anything I want? Anything at all?” Buffy blinked. “Uh, thanks, but no thanks.”
“The wish is your reward for saving my life.” The lady gestured grandly, her arm sweeping out to point at Buffy. The slight breeze snaking through the headstones rustled the hem of her silk gown.
“Being the Slayer’s taught me you don’t look gift horses in the mouth—you just say no. Besides, saving your life is a sacred duty thing. No big. I mean, yeah, I almost got impaled on Velcro-y—”
“Veloxi.”
“—demon guy’s chest horns but I’m good. It’s just a flesh wound.”
The lady tilted her head. “You must wish for I am in your debt, Chosen One.”
“And I’m saying we’re even. I saved your life, you offered me a snazzy gift and I settled for this nifty conversation. See? Even. So, thanks. Really. Good times.”
“If you refuse to wish, then I will remain bound to you.”
“Wait, bound to me as in bound to me? ‘Cause I’m really not ready for that kind of commitment." Buffy scowled. “Exactly how bound are we talkin’ here? Like old summer camp buddies who write the occasional letter or attached at the hip Siamese twins?”
“I go where you go. I sleep when you sleep. I rise and fall in your shadow. I will be the glimmer in your eye and—”
“The wind beneath my wings? Oh god.” Buffy’s eyes widened with horror. “So how do I get rid of you? Not that you’re bad company, as supernatural types go you seem nice, but really how do I get rid of you?”
“Wish.”
Buffy shook her head. “Nope, not doing that, so door number two?”
“I go where you go. I sl—”
“What about a spell? I just happen to have a friend who’s a very powerful witch and I’m sure she could find a loophole.”
The lady nodded. “If your witch would kill me, I have no recourse. I am bound.”
“Oh no. No killing. Definitely no killing. I'm not gonna kill you for being annoying. Yet.” Buffy’s shoulders slumped. “Well, this just sucks.”
The lady scrutinized Buffy. “You fear the wish.”
“Uh yeah. I’m friends with an ex-vengeance demon, so you picked the wrong mark, lady. I don’t even say the ‘W’ word anymore.”
“I am no vengeance demon.”
“Well, sure, you say that now…”
“I am Tuatha Dé Danann,” the lady said, pride in her voice, shaking her long black hair and straightening her spine. “I am Fae.”
“Like Tinkerbell? Seriously?” Buffy snorted. “Wait, aren’t fairies supposed to be tricky like true-false questions?”
Fae Lady narrowed her eyes. “You ask many questions. Many, many questions.”
Buffy shrugged.
Fae Lady sighed. “To calm your fears, come what may, ill or nay: I grant you a second wish to turn back the wheel, if you so desire.”
“There’s a wheel now? But no, okay, you mean like a do-over? A reset button?” Buffy frowned. “Isn’t that kinda lame?”
A tense edge marred the lyrical tone of Fae Lady’s voice. “You ask many questions yet you seek no answers.”
Buffy shrugged again. “I’m American. It’s what we do.”
“You come from a tribe of impulsive aggressors, your spiritual heritage is the Hand, yet you hesitate to act.”
Crossing her arms, Buffy scoffed. “That’s ‘cause you’re trying to trick me with your fairy logic. And you’re the one wasting time trying to talk to the Hand. Yeah, I said it. Try to trick on that.”
“I hide naught,” Fae Lady said, holding out her hands, palms facing up. “Now the question is mine: what does your heart most desire? Wish and I will make it so.”
“See, now you’re trying to tempt me with your too-good-to-be-true promises and your seductive fairy voice. Nuh uh. Not me.”
“I await your answer.”
“How’s that working out for ya?”
“I am immortal. Patience is the air I breathe. I await your answer.”
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Pfft.”
***
Eight Hours Later
“Buffy, does your friend want Cheerios or Fruit Loops?”
“I dunno, Will. Oooh, I bet she wants Lucky Charms. Wait, no, that’s Leprechaun cereal.” Buffy looked questioningly at Fae Lady. “Do you like Leprechauns? Or are they the enemy of your people?”
Fae Lady tightened her jaw. “I. Await. Your. Answer.”
Buffy stuck out her tongue.
***