Who was Xander's first love?

[tkts]

Or, rather, who would Xander consider to have been his first love?

Buffy? Probably not. Depending on when you look at, she's either his crush or a close friend verging on a sister. He might have thought he was in love with her at the time, but looking back, I doubt he'd think of it that way.

Cordelia? I'm not sure if Xander was ever really in love with her, but I lean toward "no."

Willow? I don't think their brief fling reached that depth of feeling, and outside of that fling, again, she's more like a sister.

Anya? If you asked Xander a few years after the end of the series who his first love was, I think she'd be the most likely answer.

[usagianddarien]

I agree with everything you said, i mean anya and him, it was so much more that a high school fling.

[Eric]

Anya for me too. I thought about Cordelia, but their relationship was always really shallow to me. They eventually showed that they cared about each other, but it never struck me as love.

[Skytteflickan88]

I think he would say he had only ever loved Buffy, Anya, (maybe Renne) & Dawn (I know his and Dawn's relationship is new, and I haven't seen them interact in issue 36-39 yet, but I think it's love. Otherwise he wouldn't have gotten together with her just to see if he could fall in love with her).

Anya might have been his first successful love (I think that even though it ended badly, he can't think of it was a bad relationship) but I don't think he would want to deny his love for Buffy (which I think was real, not a crush).

[tkts]

Dec 2, 2010 4:07:19 GMT -5 Skytteflickan88 said:

Anya might have been his first successful love (I think that even though it ended badly, he can't think of it was a bad relationship) but I don't think he would want to deny his love for Buffy (which I think was real, not a crush).

The thing is, I think even though Xander clearly does love Buffy, in retrospect he would view his romantic interest in her as a crush. After a certain point, Xander dating Buffy would just be icky. Like incest icky.

[sosa lola]

I actually believe he fell in love with Buffy. Even Angel confirmed that. "You're in love with her." "Aren't you?"

I just can't call what Xander had for Buffy a crush, they seemed more intense and real than that. A crush is something he had for his teacher and maybe Willow for a while, they disappeared quickly. It's not the same case with Buffy.

[Skytteflickan88]

Since Xander had the hots for Buffy since day one, I don't see the incest thing. Maybe Buffy first thought it was incest-y, since she might have seen him like a brother. But I think it was just a friend thing for her.

[Scarygothgirl]

I was considering saying Cordelia. In Homecoming she says something about how if she died then she'll never get to find out if what she feels for Xnader is real or whatever. I think that their relationship had potential to lead to love, but was cut short before that really happened.

With Buffy I think that he loved her as a friend, and had a crush on her at the same time. Which led him to be confused about being in love with her or not. But the crush eventually went away, showing to him that he just loves her as a friend.

With Willow it was more of a sexual tension/high powered chemistry between them. They were giving in to lust, which sometimes leads to love but not in this instance.

I don't remember clearly the first time I watched through, but I don't think it had occurred to me that Xander loved Anya 'til he said so in Into The Woods. Though rewatching it become very obvious, especially in The Replacement.

[Randi Giles]

You can't really be surprise that I voted for Cordelia. I just couldn't leave her hanging. So here's how I see it.

• Buffy was the first one Xander loved. I definitely don't think it was just a crush. I could be way off, but I think in the commentary of Entropy they mentioned that when he finds out about Buffy and Spike you see jealousy there with Xander. Although I have to admit I didn't. I just saw a guy really pissed off that his Ex was having sex with a mass murderer. Or maybe I read it somewhere. I whipped my DVDs out later to check. Plus even Angel called him out on still being in love with her.
  
• Willow was the first to love Xander, but I don't think he loved her in that way. It was definitely leaning more towards lust.
  
• We will never really know if Xander and Cordelia ever loved each other. If I remember correctly she thought it may have been temporarily insanity. You gotta love her. And it was obvious Xander still had feelings for her towards the end of season three, but we'll never know if it was love. And I'm bitter about that. Still.
  
• Anya was the first woman to love Xander that he loved back.
  

After all of that I still don't know. Take your pick.

[midwesternwatcher]

I've always been cynical about Xander. He's not a bad guy, but he's not that good, either. I don't think he's capable of Buffy-style passion or sacrifice.

He has a consistent pattern of wanting any girl that shows up on his radar (except Willow), and taking any girl he can get.

So who's his first love? I don't think he's had it yet. I didn't cast a vote.

[alex_krycek]

sorry guys and girls, i say buffy. i know that there's a lot of good arguments for why it's a crush, but i think that he's always loved buffy for who she is... slayer and all. xander understood the dangers of what she does and still loved her. he admired her beauty, her will to help others, and perhaps saw that she brought out the best in him (by helping her, xander's helped others).

granted, xander was much younger when they met and probably would have considered a kiss from any girl to mean love (hey, i've been there), but xander still had feelings for her, all through the high school years, and possibly beyond.

if buffy was not a slayer, ask yourself, who does she most resemble in a male character from the show. i'd say xander. and i think xander recognized those similarities and thought there was a connection.

perhaps i'm just a die hard bander shipper. and i get the feeling that someday, this ship will sail. someday...

[deathisyourgift]

Dec 2, 2010 4:07:19 GMT -5 Skytteflickan88 said:

Anya might have been his first successful love (I think that even though it ended badly, he can't think of it was a bad relationship) but I don't think he would want to deny his love for Buffy (which I think was real, not a crush).

Dec 3, 2010 2:53:48 GMT -5 sosa lola said:

I actually believe he fell in love with Buffy. Even Angel confirmed that. "You're in love with her." "Aren't you?"

I just can't call what Xander had for Buffy a crush, they seemed more intense and real than that. A crush is something he had for his teacher and maybe Willow for a while, they disappeared quickly. It's not the same case with Buffy.

Dec 3, 2010 13:38:06 GMT -5 alex_krycek said:

sorry guys and girls, i say buffy. i know that there's a lot of good arguments for why it's a crush, but i think that he's always loved buffy for who she is... slayer and all. xander understood the dangers of what she does and still loved her. he admired her beauty, her will to help others, and perhaps saw that she brought out the best in him (by helping her, xander's helped others).

granted, xander was much younger when they met and probably would have considered a kiss from any girl to mean love (hey, i've been there), but xander still had feelings for her, all through the high school years, and possibly beyond.

if buffy was not a slayer, ask yourself, who does she most resemble in a male character from the show. i'd say xander. and i think xander recognized those similarities and thought there was a connection.

perhaps i'm just a die hard bander shipper. and i get the feeling that someday, this ship will sail. someday...

Agree--I had relationships in high school that at first glance were not love, but in hindsight they were lessons in love. The first real relationship I had that lasted longer than two weeks was crucial in my love education, and without it I would not know what love is.

For this reason, I voted Buffy, because I think at the bottomest part of his heart, Xand will always love Buffy, and in many ways. She's his crush (he still constantly jokes about romantic things with her), his friend, his romantic fantasy, and his role-model/hero. I think he loves her for all those things, and that will never go away, because a first love never does.

As for the sibling relationship, no. In Restless we see Buffy refer to him as "big brother," which Xander questions and just seems let-down about, which I interpret as his undying hope for the chance that she will love him the way he loves her.

I do think that he did love Anya in the most fully realized way, but he wouldn't have been able to without knowing & loving Buffy.

-Jen

[tkts]

Just a note -- I'm not saying that Xander doesn't love Buffy. He obviously does, as do Willow and Giles.

But I can't picture him viewing her in retrospect as his "first love." I've had plenty of crushes in my life, including some that, if you had asked me at the time, I would have characterized as love. But when there isn't reciprocity and the memory of a romantic relationship, that tends to fade.

If you asked Xander circa Season 8, I don't think he would say he had ever been in love with Buffy. He would say he loves her, because he certainly does. He would say he had a crush on her when they first met. And he might admit to having, at the time, thought of it as romantic love. But I still think the most likely candidate for the "first love" title is Anya, followed by Cordy.

[Inappropriate Starches]

Buffy: I think Xander explained it best in "Some Assembly Required" when he spoke about wanting what you can't have. "The more unattainable, the more attractive." He was close friends with Buffy, and there is no denying that he loved her, but I don't know if he was truly in love with her.

Cordelia: I think there was a depth of emotion there that was never fully explored, but again, I don't know if it ever got that far for him. I think they were a good and interesting pairing and if it hadn't been for the cheating, they could've really turned into something, but alas that is not what happened.

Willow: Deep deep friend love that at some point became attraction, but I don't think he was ever in love with her.

Anya: No denying that he was in love with her. Maybe made some wrong choices there, but his speech to her in "Into the Woods" really explains how he felt.

So all in all, it feels wrong to say that Anya was his true first love, because so much happened before hand, but it definitely was the first that was able to be explored enough to be a true deep life altering kind of in love. IMO anyway.