Chapter 16
ScotlandBuffy glanced at Willow hesitantly before hunching down into the passenger seat of Willow’s car. Well, somebody’s car. It probably belonged to Buffy if it was purchased with Slayer funds. Funds which were acquired through ill-gotten means. Alright, the concept of ownership was getting dicey in her own mind, but that was a whole other bag of grey area to sort through later. She was still grappling with the concept of full disclosure in order to be a good friend in direct correlation to her duty to protect the world.
“Will? You know there are some things I
can’t tell you, right?”
Willow looked at Buffy curiously before returning her attention to the road. “Well, yeah. I kinda figured some things. I mean, if you’re holding someone else’s confidence, you can’t just spill the beans.” Willow smiled good-spiritedly.
“Right. Confidences. Or, ya know, Slayer related stuff too. Like talking about things that could change the future.” Buffy grimaced. “Except I’m not sure if changing the future is what I’m supposed to be doing. Or if I’m even changing it by what I’m doing or just making the future happen. Or maybe the future still happens but it’s a different future disconnected from our new future and my god, I think I just broke my brain.”
“Buff, have you been watching the Sarah Connor Chronicles with Andrew again? You know last time it gave you a migraine.”
“Right, because that pain had nothing to do with Andrew squealing like a teenage girl over Summer Glau. Pfft she’s not even that tough. I could totally take her. And sure she’s pretty but in no way hotter than me. Right?”
“Sure. Right,” Willow reassured her a bit too vigorously. “But hey, ask me the same question about Tina Fey and you’re not gonna like the answer. I’ve sworn a solemn oath never to betray the Fey.”
“Right. Betrayal. So it’s not…I’m not betraying you by not telling you. Even though I really want to. Even though I think maybe I should. But then I think maybe I shouldn’t because oh, look end of the world.” Buffy held up both hands to weigh the hypothetical decisions against each other in the air.
“It might help if I actually knew what we were talking about here.”
“But that’s just the thing. I can’t tell you. At least, I don’t think I can. So how can you help me decide what to do if I can’t tell you?”
“That question was rhetorical, right?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe. My head hurts.”
“So maybe let it go for now ‘cause we’re here.” Willow nodded towards a manor house ahead as they drove through large wrought-iron gates.
“We’re here? Already?” Buffy gulped.
“Yep, after nearly 20 hours of travel we’re finally here. Trip go by too fast for you? Should we have gone the long route by steamer boat instead of flying? Maybe rode here by horseback? Or walked. We could have walked.”
“God, this is going to be awkward.”
“Yep.”
“And you said Giles is here? You’re sure? Maybe he left again. ‘Cause he hasn’t been around much at all so it’d be just like him to disappear.”
“Buffy, he’s here. I can tell.”
“Well, that’s not creepy at all.”
“Hey, at least it’s useful.”
Willow swung the car to a halt in front of stone steps leading up to large oak double-doors, unbuckled her seat belt and turned to look at Buffy solemnly. “Ready?”
“No.”
“Okay then,” Willow chirped. “Let’s go!”
Buffy slowly climbed out of the car and followed Willow up the steps. “Wait,” Buffy cried out, grabbing Willow’s arm as she was about to open the door. “Just uh…”
“Buffy, you’ve faced down some of the scariest evil this world has ever seen. You can do this. Easy. You could do this with your eyes closed, hands tied behind your back.”
“Oh great, way to encourage the ‘walking to the gallows’ imagery, Will.”
“Come on, Buffy. Time to woman up and get it done.” Willow pushed her gently towards the door. “I’ve got your back. Promise.”
Buffy smiled slightly before straightening her shoulders and reaching for the old-fashioned doorknob. She could do this. She’d face down Giles, make him apologize for how he done her wrong and then all would be swell in the land of the Slayers. Everything would be okay.
She just had to open the door first.
No problem. Just open the door and deal. She could do this. Why were real demons so much easier to face than her inner demons? How did facing her friends become more terrifying than staring down evil?
Buffy turned to look at Willow one last time, drinking in her reassuring smile before bracing herself to open the door.
“You planning on coming inside or what?” Dawn snarked.
Buffy turned around in surprise. “Huh?”
Dawn raised an annoyed eyebrow before kicking Buffy in the shin.
“Ow.”
“What? It’s what you get every time you do something stupid. You should be glad I only save it for the times you’re being a complete dumbass or I’d be kicking you every five minutes.”
Buffy scowled. “Since when it is okay to kick your sister? Is this a new rule? Do
I get to kick
you now? You really don’t want to go there, Dawn. ‘Cause oh yeah, there have been times when I definitely wanted to kick you in the ass and my kicks – they hurt more.”
Dawn looked unimpressed in the way teenagers have perfected throughout the ages.
“Wait a sec – you kicked me!” Buffy exclaimed.
“Duh, I was there. It happened like 2 seconds ago. And again, this is another moment where I’d have to kick you for being stupid if I didn’t have such high standards.” Dawn crossed her arms and gave Buffy an ‘I’m smarter than you’ look.
Buffy rolled her eyes and grabbed Dawn in a tight hug. “You kicked me! You! With the normal legs that aren’t hooves or 8 feet long.” She pulled back to look at Dawn in amazement. “How did this happen?”
“Oh, you mean the whole curse being lifted? It happened while my sister was running around the world being all self-involved and twitchy.” Dawn dropped her mock-anger and grinned, clearly too excited to share her newly restored self to give Buffy a hard time. “Long story, short. Willow brought Kenny over and well, things just worked themselves out.”
“Ugh, Kenny. I
really dislike him.”
“Well then you’ll be happy to hear I said no to his wanting to get back together,” Dawn reassured.
“He wanted to get back together? After he turned you into a Giant and a centaur?”
“Oh and a doll. But you missed that part.”
Buffy blinked before turning to Willow who was biting her lip to keep from grinning. “Are Thricewise slayable? As in evil? ‘Cause I think there’s an ex out there that needs to be axed.”
Dawn harrumphed. “Nice to see the latent protective instincts kicking into high gear. Even though the killing talk – so overkill. It’s over, Buffy.” Dawn pointed down at her normal body. “Witness it being over. And speaking of exes …” Dawn’s voice went quiet. “How’s Spike?”
Buffy quirked her mouth. “Not dust.”
Dawn grinned teasingly. “So better then?”
“Yes, the not being dust is an improvement.”
“And you guys are back together?” Dawn looked behind them to the empty car. “Or maybe not…”
“It’s complicated.”
“Huh, everything with you is complicated.”
“Okay, it’s a work in progress,” Buffy added flippantly.
Dawn rolled her eyes before sighing. “He’s really okay?” Dawn asked solemnly.
“Yes, he is,” Buffy promised. “And I’m hoping…well, maybe you’ll get to see him sooner than you think.”
“Cool,” Dawn smiled, stepping back to let Buffy and Willow walk into the foyer. “All the Slayers are out training, but Giles and Xander are in the library working on some kind of battle strategy.” Dawn picked up her purse off the bench and headed back towards the door. “See you guys later.”
“Hey,” Buffy called out. “Where do you think you’re going?”
Dawn turned around, hands on her hips. “Shopping. Duh. I’ve been stuck wearing the same outfit and then no outfit on the bottom for the past couple months. I am in dire need of retail therapy.” She turned and skipped down the entryway steps.
“Nice to see her priorities are in order,” Willow commented.
“We should all be so lucky,” Buffy said fondly before turning towards the library’s door down the hall. Buffy walked towards the library and opened the door before she had a chance to over think it, walking inside with Willow trailing behind her. Xander and Giles stood hunched over a desk comparing old demon texts with some computer printouts spread across a nearby table. Buffy cleared her throat.
“Buffy,” Giles said guardedly, standing up straight and adjusting his glasses before stepping forward to greet her. “Welcome back.” Xander watched the exchange silently.
“Right. Back. That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” Buffy questioned aggressively.
Giles sighed. “What do you want me to say?” he asked tiredly.
“Oh, I dunno, maybe ‘I’m sorry’? Or ‘I shouldn’t have lied to you
again’? Or you could promise to stop interfering in my life, making decisions for me that are none of your business.” Buffy paused, giving Giles a betrayed look. “You lied to me.”
Giles nodded with an ironic expression. “I did. But then so did you.”
“You lied first.”
Giles smiled slightly. “Does that mean I win?”
“No! You most certainly do not win. I’m the winner winning here. And you’re the lying guy who has to say he’s sorry and promises never to manage my personal life again.”
Giles removed his glasses, rubbing his temple before continuing. “Buffy, when all of this happened - ”
“You mean the lying part?”
“Yes,” Giles admitted reluctantly with a beleaguered tone of patience. “When I kept Spike’s return a secret from you it was because he was affiliated with one of the greatest evils on this planet. From my intel, it was unclear where his loyalties stood and you had a greater need to be focused here. Leading every Slayer. Spike would have been an unwelcome distraction at best, a heartbreaking torment for you in every other scenario I could imagine. To have him return from the dead only to ally himself with evil? I wanted to spare you that pain. Again.”
“Spike’s not evil,” Buffy countered quietly. “And it wasn’t your decision to make. You had no right to just…you had no right.”
“I did what I thought best at the time. I was trying to protect you.”
“You can’t have it both ways, Giles. Either I’m an adult with all these responsibilities or I’m a child who you get to dictate to. You can’t keep me in the dark. Not anymore.”
Giles coughed. “And would, uh, sending an identical twin to take over your responsibilities here while running off to Los Angeles be considered the actions of an adult or a child?”
Buffy shrugged. “Maybe I was living down to your expectations.”
“Touché,” Giles acknowledged begrudgingly.
“Plus I figured it might be fun to pull a Parent Trap on you. Make a switch, see if anybody noticed,” Buffy joked.
Giles looked at her in wonder. “I thought you’d be more angry, not…”
“Oh, I’ve had time to process. Trust me, I was angry. Very. But I get why you did it. You were
wrong. But I get why. You were trying to protect me.” Buffy scowled. “Don’t do it again. At least, not that way.”
“And this would be the understanding adult perspective, yes?” Giles said with a hint of irony. He lowered his voice and continued sincerely, “I’m sorry. I promise never to lie to you in an unfortunate and ill-advised attempt to protect you.”
“Damn straight,” Buffy smiled to show she was joking. “I’m sorry I left the way I did. I could have handled things better.”
“And I’m simply glad you’re back.”
“Strangely, me too.” Buffy looked surprised at the realization.
“Yay, now the hugging part!” Willow interrupted excitedly, prompting Buffy and Giles to awkwardly laugh. They both looked at each other hesitantly before moving forward to embrace. Buffy closed her eyes and remembered all the other times she’d hugged Giles. There weren’t many. She could count each occasion on both hands. But each time was memorable and achingly comforting; this time was no different. She suddenly felt safe and forgiven and…home. This had been a part of what was missing here in Scotland. Giles.
“Great. Now that that’s settled, I’ve got a lot of work to do,” Xander said distantly before piling up the computer printouts and walking out the door.
“Xander!” Buffy called after him, stepping away from Giles to watch him walk away. She turned to look questioningly at Giles who shrugged to Willow who frowned unhappily.
“I think he’s still…” Willow searched for her words. “You lied to him, too, Buffy. Only he was working right alongside look-a-like Buffy Roman style. He feels…”
Betrayed. “Oh,” Buffy said softly. She hadn’t even thought about Xander. She’d been so consumed with anger at Giles and desperation at finding Spike that she’d never even stopped to think how her Parent Trap plan would hurt him. Xander. Her best friend who’d been by her side for over seven years. The guy who’d kept all her dirty secrets and stood by her through all the hard times of putting the Slayer Organization together. The one who’d stayed with her when Willow and Giles had disappeared. Who’d always been loyal-
Buffy looked at Giles abruptly. “Did Xander know? Was he in on it too?”
Giles shook his head. “No.”
Buffy left the library and went searching for Xander throughout the house. She finally found him in the attic which they’d converted into a rougher version of their command central back at the old castle. He was sitting in a chair staring at a screen.
“Can I come in?” Buffy asked hesitantly.
“Kinda busy here, Buff. I’ll send you an update when I’m done.”
“Right. Update.” Buffy walked inside and stood behind Xander, leaning over his shoulder to read the computer screen. “Whatcha workin’ on?”
“Research,” Xander said in monotone.
“Research what?” Buffy said lightly.
Xander sighed in frustration. “Look, I don’t have time for games right now. Maybe you forgot while on vacation, but we’re doing important work here. So unless you’re interested in helping, I could use some peace and quiet.”
Buffy stared at the back of Xander’s head for a minute, contemplating what to say to break through to him. He so clearly didn’t want to talk. She sighed. This situation called for extreme measures. Leaning down, she hugged Xander tightly from behind, grasping her hands together as they met at the center of his chest and pushing her cheek against his back.
“Um Buffy?”
“Hmm?”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m helping. This is me helping the fight against evil. It’s a new strategy. What do you think?”
“They’ll never see it coming.” Xander’s voice was rueful. She could hear the smile in his tone. “Oh and they’ll win each time we try to defeat them with our Care Bear love stare.” Xander paused. “Are you going to let go now?”
“Nope. You’re stuck with me. Sorry, but you’re just going to have to deal with me being around all the time. I’m not letting go,” Buffy promised.
Xander gripped Buffy’s joined fists and squeezed gently. “I think I could get used to that.” Buffy squeezed him tighter in response, making him cough. “Oh, Slayer strength! Ease up now.”
“Oops, sorry.” Buffy slightly relaxed her hold on him. “I am sorry, Xander.”
“I know,” he said softly.
Buffy gently squeezed him again and sighed, eyes watering slightly. “I love you. I wouldn’t want to hurt you for anything.”
“Ditto.” Xander shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “You are going to let go eventually though, right?”
“Nope.”
“Even when I go…and you know sometimes I need to…Buffy, come on…”
“No way. Learn to deal.”
“Well okay, I can’t counter the Slayer strength, true. My sexy eye patch can only do so much seducing of willpower. And I didn’t want to do this. I swore I wouldn’t take advantage of your one true weakness but…” Xander reached back behind him and started tickling Buffy’s ribs, causing her to shake with giggles though she kept her grip firm. Xander eventually gave up, the stretch to reach behind him tiring his shoulders. “Okay, that’s all I’ve got. You win, Slayer. I am defeated,” he said in an all-important voice.
Buffy's smile pressed against Xander’s cotton pullover.
“Uh Buffy? I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”
Buffy jumped up abruptly, smiling. “And we’re done!”
Xander smirked at her over his shoulder. “I knew you were all talk.”
Buffy nodded, grinning widely. “I’m equal parts talk and action. It’s part of my charm.” She sat down next to Xander and pulled away some of the papers he was working on. “So what’s the big evil needs putting down?”
Xander grinned and scooted towards her until their shoulders touched. “Well, we’ve got this lead…”
******
On to Chapter 17