What is your mood right now?

[arron]

Aww thanks everybody! I was so frightened.. and..

I LIKED IT! It wasn't awful and as soon as I walked in the doors - my confidence was like 1000% back like it was a few years ago! I looked amazing. Felt amazing. And was just me. I felt like Willow how she came into her own at college. Kinda dumb I know - but that how I was. So yeah! Got a FULL day tomorrow - so I'll see how that goes!

[Girl Power]

That's so cool, Arron! Awesome. I loved college. I thought it was tons better than high school.

Being smart and articulate are actually valued. Plus, you get to choose your classes and class time. If you don't like mornings, you get to schedule classes for later.



My mood now is calm. Had a wonderful fish dinner and am watching my new DVD of Book of Daniel. I wish this show hadn't been cancelled! It's so good.

[Firecracker]

Blah. I'm feeling torn.

For Easter, my dad is going with his fiance, Meghan, to Washington to visit her mother. Of course, I'm invited, and Meghan's mom will be paying for all three of our tickets because she's just cool like that. But the thing is, I don't WANT to go, because it's boring as hell there and I always feel uncomfortable around that family.

A while ago, my grandma (mom's side) brought up maybe flying me out to Texas for Easter, where she just bought a new home. I told my dad and Meghan this, and the other day, Meghan was like "We're going to Seattle for Easter...unless your grandma wants you" so now I have to call Grandma and make a decision.

I'd definitely choose Texas over Washington, BUT I don't wanna go to either state! I wanna stay here and spend Easter with my here-grandparents (dad's side) who live 7 minutes away. But my other grandma really wants me and I'd feel bad if I turned down Meghan's mom.

ALL THESE GRANDMAS ARE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!

[arron]

Well today sucked. It was so crappy. The second day of college and my first full day. I hated it. I have been put into a class full of people who never even went school and don't even want to work and are like.. 3 or 4 years older than me. They were asking me if i did drugs and how many men I had had sex with and all sorts. My maths class is full of 40 year olds. And they won't let me change classes now. This is all final. Im actually crying.

[mattitude]

I'm so sorry, Arron. I really wish there was some way to help, I hate seeing you so miserable like this. Those people are making me so mad it's not even funny. WTF? Talk about a bunch of immature jackasses! Things shouldn't have to be this way.

[arron]

Matt I don't know what to do now. I can't leave this school now. I've left my old school, left homeschooling. They were saying I have got to buy drugs or sell drugs for them. I don't wanna be into all that you know! I wanna learn! But the tutor doesnt even care. At least two people were as high as a kite and he did nothing. Nobody worked and he didn't care. I may aswell not be there. I don't wanna get into drugs you know. One of the lads is like 19 and bisexual and he's like yeah you gotta have sex with me etc etc I was like no. I never spoke apart from then and now he's insisting I have to sleep with him and everybody else is going along with it. ARGH MY LIFE SUCKS SO BAD. Sorry everybody. But I need to tell somebody - my friends have abondended me officially. I called them last night to talk and two of them laughed and hung up, two didn't answer and the other said oh I have to go I'll call you next week or something. I seriously am depressed. I really believe that. I've been this way for about 2 + 1/2 years now. I'm too scared to tell my grandparents. I mean they've paid £3000 out for me to go to college else I'll have no qualifications. F*CK SAKE!!!

[mattitude]

OMG That is so ridiculous!! WTF planet are all of those people from?! I've never heard of people like this in my life. And what's worse is that the tutor doesn't even care! Are these people all INSANE or what?? And your friends are being pretty crappy, too. If it's really going to be this way and nobody is going to help you, then you need to tell your parents/grandparents/somebody. You can't just live this way, you shouldn't have to. This is nuts.

[The Second Evil]

Anxious and sad.

We found a lump on our cat and I'm so worried it's a tumour of some sort. She's 20 this year and she's been with me my whole life - she's older than I am! I'm so scared that she'll have something seriously wrong with her, although my Sister who's training to be a Vet thinks it may just be a fatty lump that cats get sometimes in old age. I hope she's right. I'll be relieved when we get it checked out on Friday.

[Girl Power]

secondevil said:

Anxious and sad.

We found a lump on our cat and I'm so worried it's a tumour of some sort. She's 20 this year and she's been with me my whole life - she's older than I am! I'm so scared that she'll have something seriously wrong with her, although my Sister who's training to be a Vet thinks it may just be a fatty lump that cats get sometimes in old age. I hope she's right. I'll be relieved when we get it checked out on Friday.

SE, that's so scary!

That said, old cats and dogs get all kinds of weird, fatty lumps. Most of them are harmless, like your sister said. But 20 is REALLY old for a cat. I've heard of one that lived as old as 26 and a few that lived to 23. Still, 20 is very impressive, for a cat. Just keep loving her a ton and giving her special food, like chicken and fish, to make her last years of life as happy and healthy as possible!

It's great that you love her so much. All domestic animals should be so lucky to have that kind of love.

[Girl Power]

Arron, what a fricking nightmare!!!!!!!

I'm so sad for what you are having to go through.

Can you talk to the authorities of the school about what is going on? If not, you can report these people to the police. I mean, they are saying you have to buy and sell drugs. This must mean they have drugs on them. You can get them arrested for that. Then they'd be gone.

Just a thought. You probably don't want to make more trouble for yourself than you have to, but just try to be firm with them without making a conflict.

Of course you don't have to get into drugs.

I agree that these sound like weird people. You are saying they never went to school? What kind of college is this? Do you have to take classes to get into a regular college, or what? These are not regular college students. You say it's a tutor, not a teacher, so this is obviously an unusual situation.

I'm sorry about your friends. What a sad situation.

[arron]

Thanks Girlpower! Im thinking of you and your cat SE x

Basically - At high school, people knew about me; I was popular, confident, happy and myself. As soon as I got to college, suddenly all these new people from other high schools hated me because I was bisexual and because of that, they were bullies you see, everybody jjoined up with the bullies and I was suddenly alone. Popular - to hated by everybody in a matter of weeks is a big shock to the system and quite hard. Then I got bullied and threatened with knifes there, so I came out of school. I lost my confidence, never went out, never saw friends and stayed in home 24/7 for the past 8 months. Now I have two choices - go back to my old school with the bullying or this new college. For the most part, the college classes are for people who have taken exams previously, got a bad score and want to improve it - or just never took the exams at all. So this is the only way I can get any qualifications. And now this has happened. I can't tell my parents because they hate me, which is why I live with my grandparents. I don't want to tell them because my uncle (my Nannas son) commited suicide two weeks ago, so obviously there's a lot of stress around. My younger brother is still having chemotherapy aswell and my Dad is an alcoholic homophobe racist. So nobody would be pleased to hear I want to leave again - or that I'm bisexual. So I'm stuck.

[The Second Evil]

arron said:

Thanks Girlpower! Im thinking of you and your cat SE x

Basically - At high school, people knew about me; I was popular, confident, happy and myself. As soon as I got to college, suddenly all these new people from other high schools hated me because I was bisexual and because of that, they were bullies you see, everybody jjoined up with the bullies and I was suddenly alone. Popular - to hated by everybody in a matter of weeks is a big shock to the system and quite hard. Then I got bullied and threatened with knifes there, so I came out of school. I lost my confidence, never went out, never saw friends and stayed in home 24/7 for the past 8 months. Now I have two choices - go back to my old school with the bullying or this new college. For the most part, the college classes are for people who have taken exams previously, got a bad score and want to improve it - or just never took the exams at all. So this is the only way I can get any qualifications. And now this has happened. I can't tell my parents because they hate me, which is why I live with my grandparents. I don't want to tell them because my uncle (my Nannas son) commited suicide two weeks ago, so obviously there's a lot of stress around. My younger brother is still having chemotherapy aswell and my Dad is an alcoholic homophobe racist. So nobody would be pleased to hear I want to leave again - or that I'm bisexual. So I'm stuck.

Thanks, Arron, I appreciate it

But I'm really not sure what to say about your problem. You just seem locked into your situation. It's so sad that people can turn on someone so suddenly because of something trivial like sexual orientation. It's really strange though because at my School, they would never stand for anything like what you went through and while I can imagine people would gossip for a while, they are generally quite accepting. I feel for you so much for the situation you're in.

Haven't you got anyone around you that you can talk to? Maybe college will get better with time.

[Grave]

well im pissed and stil stressed,..... crap i need a beer

[arron]

What's wrong Grave?


SE - I think that's all I can do. Just stick with it. I don't have one single friend now though and by the looks of things, I'm not going to have one at all. I just wish I could be slightly happy even, like everybody else. They have fun at school, with their friends, they go out. They act like people their age and I'm missing out. I know it sounds like I'm going on and on and on but I really have nobody else to talk to. I just want my life back. I just want to be happy. I have college again later day and I feel so sick. Im such a disappointment to my family, because I used to get really great grades. They think I'm just lazy or don't try now. They have no idea. I just wanna feel cared about or loved or needed.

[sweetescape]

You know what annoys the hell out of me about bullies, when they eventually grow up they will look back and realise what stupid ignorant pricks they were and regret it. Why not just save everybody the time and damage and don't do it in the first place. It really annoys me when I see people in the street that bullied me at school and they say "Hello", I wanna punch their lights out and I'm not even a violent person.

As for those people at your college Arron, they sound like disgusting half breeds that smoke weed all day and listen to that Helter Skelter rave shite. I don't even know you but from what I've read you are already a much better person than they'll ever be. I know that saying things like that doesn't make it all go away, but as somebody that has been there trust me it DOES get better. Another thing to remember is that bullies bully because they are jealous, they are probably scared of you for "coming out" because that expresses an emotion they wouldn't dare show.

If you stick with it, and try to concentrate on what you do best, you'll soon be out of there with a future ahead of you. Seriously, once you leave college your entire outlook will change and once you start working you'll feel so much more independent, meet some great friends, and begin to enjoy life again. Those bullies will be left behind, guaranteed.

[arron]

Thanks Sweetescape. I didn't know you were bullied too. I know what you're saying it's just tiring and hard to stick with it at this time, you know? I just gotta try and be strong. I have to go in about 90 minutes. So scared. I have a major headache! But thanks! I'm gonna be strong like Buffy. I sound like a freak I know, but it helps!

[arron]

Leaving in about 20 minutes. Can't stop shaking. Just took 6 Kalms (even though you're supposed to have 2!). God when will this day end.

[sweetescape]

arron said:

I'm gonna be strong like Buffy. I sound like a freak I know, but it helps!

It really does! I used to do the exact same thing, I would think of somebody with a strong character and imagine I was just like them. It does sound crazy, but it helps.

What also helps is to think of a really cheesy feel good song, and sing it in your mind whenever your feeling anxious. Also, a good laugh can do wonders for your mood. So I recommend watching something funny before you set off for college.

[arron]

Just got back from college - and I'm liking it. I watched Freshman (S4) last night which helped a bit LOL. I have been removed from the awful english group because I was put into the wrong one - thank God! - and am quite enjoying myself again. It's the first time I've smiled in a long long long time. Let's hope it continues. *fingers crossed*

[shep]

Crap - because Im tired, my liitle boy doesnt sleep well and still decided to get up at 6.45 am! Just thought I would pop on my forums to cheer myself up!