My agrophobia

[harmindervamp]

Hello everybody, I really really need some advice because my agrophobia is getting really worse. I was too scared to leave the house today and i was struggling to breathe. There are so many things that are stopping me from enjoying my life and now i feel like i can't enjoy my life so i should just end it.
I had an appointment to see a therapist in December, it was a one off session because they had to put me on a waiting list like they do with everybody else. The woman who i was talking to was ok when i was talking about struggling with learning and picking up things quickly. Then when i start talking about my homosexuality, she was ok but then said things like you should talk to someone from gender matters or gay matters or something like that. I was really angry because i don't want to be one of those stereotyped gay people who have to hang out with a gay crowd.
Anyway, since then i've been waiting for months for a appointment. They sent me a letter stating that i am on a waiting list and it had all these phone numbers in case of a crises. I rang all these numbers from the letter and non of them did anything but say "you should tell your doctor first". I went to see my doctor a numerous times and he says that there's nothing that he can do. And he kept asking me what is the problem, you have to tell me. I didn't want to tell him anything because i know he is useless and old fashioned.
Finally i had an appointment to see someone at the therapy service. The guy who i had to see was a doctor or something like that and he said that this is only a one off session due to the fact that i've been ringing so many times asking for help. I was talking to him for a bit but i couldn't tell him that i am gay because he is indian he had a bit of a smirk on his face and everytime i kept talking about violence and things like that, it's like he didn't want to care too much about that. And then he said to me "so would you say that things have improved since your last appointment". I was disgusted, why ask a stupid question when i've been ringing numerous times.
I just feel horrible right now, nothing good is happening in my life and i've nothing to enjoy, i have confused for years and the only thing i like is watching shows on tv that make me feel better and then my parents say i can't watch same things all over again. Then i felt like wanting to do bodybuilding so that way i can have a hobby but my dad isn't saying anything positive but just go to the gym and i can't because i hate going outside because i'm suffereing from agrophobia.
What's my next step guys? because i just want to be dead so I don't have to worry at all about anything.

[alex_krycek]

imho, i think you need to give these doctors a chance. if you're affraid about telling them your sexuality, that's your choice. but if you want honest help, you need to be honest and trusting of the doctors. granted, i'm not agoraphobic, but i am certain that you can always trust a doctor you've known, or a doctor that a friend refers you to.

Jun 1, 2010 13:03:43 GMT -5 @harmindervamp said:

The guy who i had to see was a doctor or something like that and he said that this is only a one off session due to the fact that i've been ringing so many times asking for help. I was talking to him for a bit but i couldn't tell him that i am gay because he is indian he had a bit of a smirk on his face and everytime i kept talking about violence and things like that, it's like he didn't want to care too much about that.

but for one who's concerned about telling your own sexuality, should it matter that this guy is an indian? if you're affraid of judgement, it sounds like you're kinda dishing some out towards indians. i'm not trying to be harsh on you here, but i hope this doctor's national origin isn't what's keeping you from opening up to him.

but my main theme here is that you should find a doctor that you've heard is really good. see if they can refer you to a psychologist who deals in agoraphobia, and see if he/she can come to your place and visit with you.

if you don't mind me asking, is there a specific reason for your agoraphobia? is it related to your sexuality? i'm just trying to help.

[Silver]

Your problem is going to be a vicious circle until you can start trusting and talking to the doctor/professionals, so you are not going to get the help that you are obviously asking for. The guys on here will give you great advice and be sincere about it, but it's in your hands so give it a try.

[The Girl In Question]

I agree with not worrying about the guy being Indian. It shouldn't matter. If he's a therapist, he is probably open about a whole lot more things than most people.

Also, try to keep going to a doctor. I suffer from a mental illness, and while seeing a doctor may not make you happy, sometimes it can help to the point where you don't want to kill yourself. You might still be sad, but at least not desperately sad. A lot of people say having a hobby fixes things, and while it can help, it's not enough. You need someone professional to talk to. They might perscribe you some medication and help you through this. It's worth the effort.

[Miss. Rogueh]

I am also agoraphobic... it sucks. Everytime i try to go outside i freak out and i can't breath. I can't go to the shrink because I have to go outside to get there. and they don't make house calls. I would give you advice but i don't know what to do either...

[alex_krycek]

how can a psychologist not make house calls for this disorder? that just baffles me. agoraphobia is a serious deal. and if professional doctors won't come to meet with you, how can you get any better?

[harmindervamp]

I agree that people on this site can give good advice, and i have to admit you people are awesome and really helpful. Way better than some doctors and therapists.
The reason why i mentioned he is indian is because i know that some indian people don't really believe in homosexuality and i know this because i'm indian too. I feel a bit calm now, apart from the fact that i could here homophobic word from some people on the bus which was really irritating. But i don't think they were saying it to me.
And yes, it's my sexual orientation which is stopping me from being outside because some people seem to work out who's gay.
I've told my doctor about my sexuality and I couldn't tell if did he even understand it. And then he said, don't worry a few years later you might turn straight. Which is one of the most dumbest things i have ever heard. I believed the doctor for saying that at first and my dad agreed with him as well, and i remember there was a thread about sexuality fluidity and Girl in question said that she doesn't believe in a gay person turning straight or a straight person turning gay, and i now believe her because she is right, there's no such thing.
Oh yeah, and my BIGGEST worry is that i'm scared if i go out with my parents in case somebody might start saying homophobic stuff to me in front of my parents becasue they might think "What's going on here"?
And i agree with Alex, doctors/therapists should go to see people with agrophobia.

[Billie Erin]

Ok (a) being dead= very bad because things can always get better
(b) I had anxiety a few years back really bad, I couldn't get thorugh an hour without having a panic attack and I just felt awful, until one day it got really bad I panicked and ran to the school nurse broke down in tears and told her everything. I immediately regretted it thinking that she'd judge me and I'd become isolated but she was actually really helpful, methods for dealing with mental health issues are currently really imrpoving and she get me the help I needed. So I think that maybe the best thing to do is find a health professional like your doctor and completely pour you heart out to them, my matron looked really mean and I thought she'd laugh about me behind my back or not take me seriously but she really did help and the best part was that I didn't feel weird anymore- if they'd made whole booklets for dealing with my condition then I couldn't be. So yeah that's my advice, and don't try to hide it ofrom r play it down to your friends and relatives because everybody ahs their quirks and nobody will care, it'll be good to have them ready to support you. Just don't bottle it all up inside, there are people who will understand, they don't do a decade at medical school to turn some patients away, and remember that what you're experiencing is very common and very treatable

c) about your sexuality, don't let anybody sway you, many people are born gay and there is no use inc hanging or worrying about it, love is the same regardless of the genders of the popel who share it and if anybody makes you feel bad about your homosexuality cut them out of your life and it will be their loss. Homophobia is one of those things that our great-grandchildren will be reading about in the history books and will be appalled by because discrimination like that just isn't natural or justified.

[harmindervamp]

Thanks Billie, I like what you said about our grandchildren reading about homophobia in history books.
I'm ok with my sexual orientation, but i just don't feel safe at all.
I also get angry when i think about a guy i like because there's just nobody interesting coming into my life. I've been on dating websites and there were no gay guys that i found attractive at all. I thought it would be cool if i could find someone at the age of 18 or something and i am now 21 and i really don't see anything happening at all. I don't want to be with someone who is afraid about his orientation but is a person who can't be messed with.

Oh yeah, and i actually did have a break down when i told my doctor that i am gay and he said that i could turn straight one day.

[The Girl In Question]

^^That's....strange advise from a doctor. I think anyone can fall in love with anyone of any gender, but the chances of you falling for a female are seriously, seriously low if you're gay. I wouldn't count on that. But I think you're lucky because I feel if you come to terms with your sexuality and how other people deal with it, you could get over your agrophobia. That's more than a lot of people with it can say

[Billie Erin]

^^^No offense but I don't like the sound of your doctor, I'd say don't worry about it, because I don't know where you live but there's a lot of localised homophobia in some places, particularly around Southern America and I just hope the attitudes of the internationals here on slayalive (I'm from England) show you that no matter what the people around YOU say, the majority of people think being gay is a great life choice!

[harmindervamp]

I agree, my doctor is not good at all. But i also spoke to one of my colleugues about agrophobia and she's like 42 years old and she was saying things like "right, just force yourself to go out, just force yourself" And i was thinking how can she just say that. I force myself to go out all the time and it's kinda destroying me most of the time.

[Billie Erin]

I know and it's awful to say but I think she may be right, the only way to conquer these things is to face your fear of them. Maybe practise some breathing techniques or a calming mantra and use them to keep yourself in place and relatively calm when you go out, and go out with somebody you trust

[harmindervamp]

I didn't agree with her at all and i still don't like what she said because you could tell that she doesn't know much about agrophobia at all.
Plus, there are these two girls who work where i work and i tried to leave the building with them while going all the way through town to get to my bus stop and a few days later they tried to leave the building quickly so i couldn't go with them, which means they ditched me. And most recently, i've been really scared while walking up to my bus stop and i even jumped a couple of times because of fear.

[Billie Erin]

Those girls at your work don't sound like very nice people, but you musn't let stuff like that get to you- some people are just cruel and small-minded and self-absorbed and the best thing we can do is ignore them. I say find people you can really trust and get them to help you through this, I don't know how I would've come through my anxiety without my family's support. It won't be easy, just take it dayby day, maybe set up a rewards system for every time you manage to fight it? And practise breathing exercises because feeling calmer really makes a big difference