I need to Vent!

[Angelsgirl]

I need to have a vent about the crap that is my life at the moment...would anybody mind?

[witcher]

Go right ahead!

[Skytteflickan88]

Of course not, go ahead. You're pregnant and working with a she-dog, you deserve it.

[Angelsgirl]

Well as alot of you are aware, I am pregnant, with my first so it should all be very exciting. I am just about learning to "cope" with the constant sickness and tiredness and learning whats going on each week is really lovely. One of the other exciting things is that my due date falls on the same day as my grandmothers birthday (she is due to turn 80 on that day!! )
Well last week I got a call from my dad to tell me that my grandmother has been diagnosed with bowel cancer, lung cancer and its possibly also spread to her liver. This basically means that there is nothing the doctors can do and its just a matter of waiting. We still don't know approximately how long she has but its heart breaking to see how much worse she is getting so quickly. She can barely eat a thing which isn't helping.

Meanwhile, my mum is doing everything she possibly can to make her as comfortable as possible and to be as strong as she can (which is typical of my mother, she never lets anything break her). However, my "darling" sister is putting even more pressure on my mum by making her babysit her two-year old every afternoon (having pulled him out of a bad nursery and not finding a new one). I find this extremely selfish of my sister to not be able to see that mum has enough to deal with without worrying about babysitting (nephew has already managed to smash one of grandmother's crystal bowls 'cos my mum can't look after them both). She is absolutely exhausted, yet my sister can't seem to see this, or if she can, doesn't seem to care. Yet, she still managed to have a go at me because I didn't want to be hassling my mum everyday with phone calls asking what was happening (thanks to my dad for backing me up there).

As well as the usual stuff of stress at work, lack of money and pregnancy symptoms (which currently include a cold!! grrr!) my boyfriend has also got health issues. He has borderline high blood pressure for over a month and it doesn't seem to be going down. He has got another test next week, as well as a blood test....they haven't said what could possibly be the cause!

Is it selfish of me to be thinking how this should be such a joyful time in my life? Why is my family so polite to each other? Why will neither my mum or dad say something to my sister? What PTB decided on this sick irony?

Life Sucks!

[Skytteflickan88]

Have a go at your sis. Yell at her, blame her, exaggerate. Then, when she's ready to yell back, say;

"Oh sorry, I meant all that but I didn't want to yell. I'm pregnant."

She can't... well she shouldn't yell at you after hearing that. If she does, hit her, and tell the cops that your pregnant. They might be more understanding.

I hope this made you chuckle, although I was semi-serious.

[wenxina]

Skytte... you're never to get pregnant! Or if you do, and for some reason, the violent crime rate goes up in Sweden, I'll hold you personally accountable.

[Skytteflickan88]

As long as you don't tell on me, we're cool.

[darkdahlia]

Well I would take the sister aside and offer to help her look for a new nursery school for the kid. My mom had to hand me off to my grandmother a lot while i was young. Grandma was also taking care of a sick and deteriorating aunt (she was a nurse though so she was able to multi manage people quite well)

So i understand at least in some respect. Your sister may just want some help and has an awful way of asking for it.

Then I would spend as much time with your grandmother as possible. Studies show that the more attention loved ones get from family the longer they tend to stay around, especially when there is an event like a birth going on. Once shes passed on the memories of the time spent together will help with the mourning as well.

Best of luck sweetie!

[BenTaylor3907]

Of course you're not being selfish! (Did that make sense?) First of all, start thinking positive thoughts. All those bad thoughts can't be good for the baby. I agree 110% with Joce about spending as much time with your grandmother as possible. As for your sister, just take her aside and explain the situation. Hopefully she will be mature enough to be like "OMG! Your absolutely right!". As for the money issue, can you get food stamps and whatnot? I know it won't help a whole lot but its something. I think your parents want to be strong for you. Which is always fine and all but it makes them seem... nonhuman. Ya know? So just be like "I know this isn't easy for you either..." and stuff. Try to come up with a schedule, so the whole family can come and pitch in with several chores so not all the work is loaded onto one person. (I hope I'm not confusing you!)

[Skytteflickan88]

Tell your grandmother about the baby first. I bet she would be honored to be your confidant.

[witcher]

wow that darkdahlia is so smart I totally agree. Try to help your sister out and if she is all selfish and childish take Sky's advice ( you are pregnant after all). And as you were told try to spend time with your grandma, she would appreciate if she got to be around her grand granddaughter/son even if its not born.. And that time would be good to you as well...

[Angelsgirl]

Thanks for the advice guys. Its amazing how much easier it is to get your head round stuff once you 'vent' to someone neutral. I had a chat with my mum last night and she has told my brother-in-law that she can't continue looking after my nephew everyday so hopefully they should have something sorted asap. Unfortunately, me and my sister don't have the best relationship and she always takes the "I'm older, I know better" ground with me, making her very difficult to reason with at times.

Sky, nice idea about telling my grandmother about the baby first, sadly that ship has already sailed. I told my parents and then her a few weeks ago.

My mum made me feel alot better last night, without even knowing what I was thinking (I'm obviously not gonna stress her more with my issues!). She said that even with everything that is going on with my grandmother and sister, she still wants to hear from me often about baby progress and how I'm feeling. She said she is soo excited even if she can't show it the way she'd like too. Aaaahhh I love my mum!

Thanks again guys