lecter
Innocent Bystander
Posts: 18
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Post by lecter on Apr 7, 2008 19:05:58 GMT -5
Right-o. . . This is far from finished but I've hit a wall so I was wondering if you guys on here could lend your creative skills and suggest a title and a direction I can take this in. Here's what I've got so far: Verse 1 When I was young I flourished my opinions at any one who'd lend an ear. But soon the crowd did dwindle, the avid listeners depart I was left with just few who really didn't seem to give a damn. My teacher's well they all told me, that I was just a disappointment without a hope of making it at all. I turned some heads with acting skill but the top dogs didn't give me my chance to shine, the world whizzed by and I stood still I thought I had a universe of time.
Verse 2 Well now I'm pushing twenty and I've only taken two steps to the left. I've burnt out several friendships, and conjured up replacements I tried to start anew. But the old smell followed me around I couldn't get myself completely off the ground. The grades they just sank lower, my opinions they got weaker and all in all I shrunk into an empty shell where I hoped the world didn't reach me and just whizzed by unannounced and I felt I had a universe of time.
Bridge But the world crashed down around my ears.
Chorus 1 And it seems that life will do its best to throw its worst around, but in the end yeah I'm still young and in the I can still smile and in the end yeah, well, this isn't quite the end.
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Rachster
Bad Ass Wicca
♥Koala Girl♥
Rachster previousily know as buffyfanforever. :][Mo0:34]
Posts: 2,344
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Post by Rachster on Apr 8, 2008 0:29:48 GMT -5
I'm still young or the end would be good names there in the chorus so they go with the song
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shondrasu
Novice Witch
"Where Dwell The Brave At Heart!!"[Mo0:0]
Posts: 231
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Post by shondrasu on Apr 8, 2008 10:15:05 GMT -5
I think a good title would be "universe of time." or "more time" because that seems to be a theme in the song. For the direction, The song doesn't sound too hopeful. I would maybe change up the second verse and create a more positive attutide that you have the time to change the situation and get what you want. I would also work on the chorus. I like how you say you're still young but you should make it more clear that you can still win life with time.
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lecter
Innocent Bystander
Posts: 18
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Post by lecter on Apr 8, 2008 13:09:24 GMT -5
Ok, thanks for the advice guys, I've taken it all on board and here's the ALMOST finished product. I still feel it's missing something, like a couple of lines to finish it up nicely or something. Let me know what you think: Verse 1 When I was young I flourished my opinions at any one who'd lend an ear. But soon the crowd did dwindle, the avid listeners depart I was left with just few who really didn't seem to give a damn. My teacher's well they all told me, that I was just a disappointment without a hope of making it at all. I turned some heads with acting skill but the top dogs didn't give me my chance to shine, the world whizzed by and I stood still I thought I had a universe of time.
Verse 2 Well now I'm pushing twenty and I've only taken two steps to the left. I've burnt out several friendships, and conjured up replacements I tried to start anew. But the old smell followed me around I couldn't get myself completely off the ground. The grades they just sank lower, my opinions they got weaker and all in all I shrunk into an empty shell where I hoped the world didn't reach me and just whizzed by unannounced and I felt I had a universe of time.
Bridge 1 But the world crashed down around my ears.
Chorus 1 And it seems that life will do its best to throw its worst around, but in the end yeah I'm still young, I've long enough to go. And in the end I can still smile and raise a glass to hope. And in the end yeah I'm still happy enough to say: this isn't quite the end.
Verse 3 Now the bad friends, they did vanish and left me on my own inside an endless void, but that didn't last for long a few much better ones came to prop me on my feet: Kay and Paul were there for me just when I needed them the most, Dee's the one who put my dreams right up there with her own. Owain lent the manly ear for rugby conversations and Amber was was the harbour for my tired and used emotions.
Middle 8 And together yeah we ran around direction didn't matter. We fanned the flames of revolution and made the locals scatter. We breathed and choked on the seaside air and worshipped good old Frank. Our songs were all about roughly the same people, we played guitar and planned escape and all the while we drank. As our blood was turned whisky and a fair few moved away we realised that paradise was never gonna stay.
Bridge 2 But still we sing, yeah still we sing
Chorus 2 And it seems that life will do its best to throw its worst around, but in the end yeah we're still young, we've long enough to go. And in the end we can still smile and raise a glass to hope. And in the end yeah we're still happy enough to say that this really isn't quite the end.
Also I still need title suggestions, thanks buffyfanforever for the suggestions but neither of them seemed to fit for me. I'm really really picky when it comes to song titles lol.
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Rachster
Bad Ass Wicca
♥Koala Girl♥
Rachster previousily know as buffyfanforever. :][Mo0:34]
Posts: 2,344
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Post by Rachster on Apr 19, 2008 4:18:44 GMT -5
pretty good Have you come up with a name yet?
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lecter
Innocent Bystander
Posts: 18
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Post by lecter on Apr 19, 2008 9:48:00 GMT -5
alas nay. . . I've got music and everything, just need a name. . .
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