Post by buffysmglover on Jul 5, 2008 1:48:06 GMT -5
Granted, there are many. It's more like "The Better Buffy Quotes". Not "The Best".
[glow=red,2,300]WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH[/glow]
Xander: I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math.
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Xander: [to Buffy] Can I have you? Duh... heh-heh... can I help you?
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Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.
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Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker!
Buffy: Dead.
Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead, then?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?
==========
Buffy: Okay, what's the sitch!? You heard about the dead guy—right? The dead guy in the locker, 'cause—it's the weirdest thing—he's got two little, little holes in his neck and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre, aren't you just going 'Ooo!'?
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Buffy: It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all of my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair! I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care.
Giles: Then why are you here?
Buffy: To tell you that... I don't care, which... I don't, and... have now told you, so... bye.
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Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly, they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?!
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Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher-
Buffy: Watches?
Giles: Yes. No!
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Giles: There's a reason why you're here, and a reason why it's now!
Buffy: Because now is the time my mom moved here.
(Obviously she's not a big believer in the "everything happens for a reason" belief.)
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Buffy: Oh, you're here with someone?
Willow: No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.
Buffy: Oh, are you guys going out?
Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. [Buffy looks confused] Oh, we were five.
==========
Willow: Well... when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad.
Willow: I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.
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Buffy: Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Willow: Oh, that's nice!
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Cordelia: [to her groupies] My mom doesn't even get out of bed anymore. And the doctor says it's Epstein-Barr. I'm like, pleeease! It's chronic hepatitis, or at least chronic fatigue syndrome. I mean, nobody cool has Epstein-Barr anymore.
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Buffy: There's one.
Giles: W-where?
Buffy: Right there, talking to that girl.
Giles: You don't know-
Buffy: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt! Deal with that outfit for a moment.
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Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief, I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.
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Buffy: We're talking violence, strong language, adult content... [Thomas charges Buffy, impaling himself on her stake.] See what happens when you roughhouse?
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THE HARVEST
Willow: Oh, I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh... Good for me.
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Giles: For as long as there has been vampires, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One...
Buffy : He loves doing this part.
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Xander: Look, Jesse's my bud, okay? If I can help him out, that's what I gotta do. [Buffy nods] Besides, it's this or Chem class.
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Cordelia: [to Willow] Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist? Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you’re boring.
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Buffy: So, Giles, got anything that can make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: Knew I could count on you.
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Luke: You forget, metal can't hurt me.
Buffy: There's something you forgot about, too. [throws music stand through window behind Luke, bright light pours in] Sunrise!
Luke: Aaaaaarrrrg... [sees light is just streetlight] Huh?
Buffy: [driving her stake into Luke's back] It's in about nine hours, moron.
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Giles: The Earth is doomed.
==========
[glow=red,2,300]WITCH[/glow]
Giles: This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... cult?
[Cut to Buffy in a cheerleading outfit]
Buffy: You don't like the color?
==========
Buffy: Any common denominators in cases of spontaneous combustion?
Giles: Uh, rage. In most cases the person who combusted was, was terribly angry or, or upset.
Xander: So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire. It's like the human torch, only it hurts.
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Xander: I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away.
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Buffy: And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them.
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Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
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Buffy: You're my Xander-shaped friend! Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander?
Willow: [to Xander] We gotta get her to a-
Xander: [to Willow] Let her speak.
Buffy: [to Xander] I’ll tell you. You’re not like other boys at all.
Xander: Well...
Buffy: You are totally and completely one of the girls.
==========
Amy: Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms.
Cordelia: Ooo, those grapes are sour!
==========
Amy: I'm just happy to have my body back. I'm thinking of getting fat.
Buffy: Y'know, I hear that look's in for spring.
==========
TEACHER'S PET
Giles: That's all he said? Fork Guy?
Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy.
Giles: There are too many guys in your life.
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Cordelia: Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight. I'm just saying, when tragedy strikes we have to look on the bright side, y'know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats.
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Xander: ...I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is "Angel" anyway?
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Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh... I mean, he's probably...
Willow: ...gonna die!
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Natalie: Should I change? Is this too…
Xander: No, no. It’s the most beautiful chest – dress I’ve ever seen.
Natalie: Thank you. That’s sweet.
==========
[glow=red,2,300]NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE[/glow]
The Master: "And one of the brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate." Oh, wait... that's not written anywhere.
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Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go last night. No, I don't mean that either.
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Giles: If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm the Slayer, ask me how!'
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Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
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Buffy: You killed my date!
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[glow=red,2,300]THE PACK[/glow]
Xander: Well, every school has 'em. See, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids.
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Willow: He's not picking on you. He is just sniffing you a lot.
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Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. 'Course, you'll have to kill him.
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Willow: Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?
Buffy: I hit him.
Willow: With what?
Buffy: A desk.
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Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
Xander: Did you tell them that?
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[glow=red,2,300]ANGEL[/glow]
Xander: What are you vixens up to?
Willow: Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by. Oh look, a [censored!]roach. [STOMP!]
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Xander: Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Buffy: What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?
Xander: Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl. I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath.
Willow: It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick factor.
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Buffy: My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place! I ... You don't even know what I was writing about! 'Hunk' can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your eyes are 'penetrating,' I meant to write 'bulgy' ...
Angel: Buffy ...
Buffy: And 'A' doesn't even stand for 'Angel' for that matter, it stands for ... 'Achmed,' a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all ...
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched her from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear.
==========
Xander: I know you have feelings for this guy, but it's not like you're in love with him, right? [Buffy looks away] You’re in love with a vampire?! What are you, outta your mind?
Cordelia: What?!?
Xander: [to Cordelia] Not 'vampire' ... [to Buffy] How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!
Cordelia: [distractedly glances at Xander, then returns gaze to another girl] Where did you get that dress? This is a one-of-a-kind Todd Oldham. Do you know how much this dress cost? Is this a knockoff? [imperiously checks the label] This is a knockoff, isn't it?! Some cheesy knockoff! This is exactly what happens when you sign these free trade agreements!
Buffy: [to Xander] You think we have problems ...
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Giles: There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of Angelus, the one with the angelic face.
Buffy: They got that right.
(heck yes they did)
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Buffy: You want Xander, you've gotta speak up, girl!
Willow: No, no, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness ... and sweaty palms.
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Xander: Ah, the post-fumigation party.
Buffy: And what's different between this and the pre-fumigation party?
Xander: Much hardier [censored!]roaches.
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[glow=red,2,300]I, ROBOT... YOU, JANE[/glow]
Giles: I'm just going to stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the Middle Ages.
Ms. Calendar: Did you ever leave?
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Buffy: I can just tell something is wrong. My spider-sense is tingling.
Giles: Your spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.
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Ms. Calendar: You kids really dig the library, don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
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Giles: Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell... musty and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is... it has no texture, no context. It's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible. It should be, um, smelly.
Ms. Calendar: Well, you really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles: Well, I-I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Ms. Calendar: That's not where I dangle it.
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Buffy: You're a computer geek, (stops to rephrase herself) genius.
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Giles: Well, it's been so nice talking to you.
Ms. Calendar: We were fighting.
Giles: (distracted) Must do it again sometime, yes... Bye, now.
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Giles: Ms. Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the idiot box.
Ms Calendar: That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This is the good box!
Giles: I still prefer a good book.
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[glow=red,2,300]THE PUPPET SHOW[/glow]
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped.
Buffy: Nah. I think I'll take on your traditional role, and watch.
Xander: And mock.
Willow: And laugh.
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Principal Snyder: I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch, and mock, and laugh . . . at.
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Xander: I have my pride. Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this.
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Principal Snyder: I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of wooly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
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Cordelia Chase: All I can think is, it coulda been me!
Xander: We can dream.
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Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed... and also smoking.
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Giles: Oh, I'm sorry. Um, your hair...
Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair? Oh my god. [runs off]
Giles: Xander was right. Worked like a charm.
==========
[The gang discusses a demon who is trying to harvest a brain.]
Willow: What could a demon possibly want from me?
Xander: What's the square root of 841?
Willow: 29. Oh, yeah.
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Giles: Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
Marc: No, no this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
Giles: What exactly is the trick?
Marc: Trick?
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Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! (they all turn to look at her) It's not, though.
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Principal Snyder: [After the curtain has been opened, revealing a dead Sid, a dead demon, Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles] I don't get it. Is it avant-garde?
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[glow=red,2,300]NIGHTMARES[/glow]
(I can't remember this quote at all, BUT I LIKE IT!)
Joyce: You wanna go to school?
Buffy: Sure! Why not?
Joyce: Okay. Good day to buy that lottery ticket.
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Xander: I-I-I dunno! I was, uh, dressed a minute ago! It's a dream. It's gotta be a dream. Ow! Wake up. Ow! Gotta wake up.
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Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick, I need help.
Willow: Don't I know it.
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Wendell: They're not insects. They're arachnids.
Xander: They're from the Middle East?
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The Master: A dream is a wish your heart makes.
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Xander: Your balloon animals were pathetic. Everyone can make a giraffe!
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[glow=red,2,300]OUT OF MIND, OUT OF SIGHT[/glow]
Principal Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
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Cordelia: Being this popular is not just my right, it's my responsibility.
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Cordelia: This is all about me! Me, me, me!
Xander: Wow! For once she's right!
Buffy: So you've come to me for help.
Cordelia: Because you're always around when all this weird stuff is happening. And I know you're very strong, and you've got all those weapons...I was kind of hoping you were in a gang...
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Giles: You know, I-I don't recall ever seeing you here before.
Cordelia: Oh, no, I have a life.
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Cordelia: Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
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Buffy: You know, I really felt sorry for you. You've suffered. There's one thing I really didn't factor into all this: you're a thundering loony!
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[glow=red,2,300]PROPHECY GIRL[/glow]
Buffy: Fine, that's okay. I can't put it off any longer. I have to meet my terrible fate.
Giles: What?!
Buffy: Biology.
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Willow: I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?
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Willow: You think I wanna go to the dance with you and watch you wish you were at the dance with her? You think that's my idea of hijinx? You should know better.
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Xander: That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain.
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Buffy: They say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles: I was hoping that I wouldn't have to. That there was... some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit!
Angel: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it that simple! I quit! I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop the Master from taking over!
Giles: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
Buffy: The signs? Read me the signs!! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful, sitting here with all your books! You're really a lotta help!!
Giles: No, I don't suppose I am.
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: You know about this? You're never gonna die!
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember? Pay attention!
Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
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Ms. Calendar: The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. She's so little.
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Xander: How could you let her go?
Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not let her go!
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Xander: How can I say this clearly? I don't like you. At the end of the day, I pretty much think you're a vampire. But Buffy's got this big old yen for you. She thinks you're a real person. And right now I need you to prove her right.
Angel: You're in love with her.
Xander: Aren't you?
==========
Xander: You were looking at my neck.
Angel: What?
Xander: You were checking out my neck! I saw that!
Angel: No, I wasn't!
Xander: Just keep your distance, pal.
Angel: I wasn't looking at your neck!
Xander: I told you to eat before we left.
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Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
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The Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
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Angel: By the way, I really like your...
Buffy: Yeah, yeah. Big hit with everyone.
==========
And there is Season One. It took forever. So I may not do Season Two tonight. Since it will take longer.
[glow=red,2,300]WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH[/glow]
Xander: I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math.
==========
Xander: [to Buffy] Can I have you? Duh... heh-heh... can I help you?
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Cordelia: Willow! Nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.
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Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker!
Buffy: Dead.
Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead.
Xander: It's not just a little dead, then?
Cordelia: Don't you have an elsewhere to be?
==========
Buffy: Okay, what's the sitch!? You heard about the dead guy—right? The dead guy in the locker, 'cause—it's the weirdest thing—he's got two little, little holes in his neck and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre, aren't you just going 'Ooo!'?
==========
Buffy: It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all of my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair! I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care.
Giles: Then why are you here?
Buffy: To tell you that... I don't care, which... I don't, and... have now told you, so... bye.
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Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly, they're just gonna kill you. Why am I still talking to you?!
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Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher-
Buffy: Watches?
Giles: Yes. No!
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Giles: There's a reason why you're here, and a reason why it's now!
Buffy: Because now is the time my mom moved here.
(Obviously she's not a big believer in the "everything happens for a reason" belief.)
==========
Buffy: Oh, you're here with someone?
Willow: No, I'm just here. I thought Xander was gonna show up.
Buffy: Oh, are you guys going out?
Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up.
Buffy: How come?
Willow: He stole my Barbie. [Buffy looks confused] Oh, we were five.
==========
Willow: Well... when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty. Or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: It's not that bad.
Willow: I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk.
Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.
==========
Buffy: Seize the moment, 'cause tomorrow you might be dead.
Willow: Oh, that's nice!
==========
Cordelia: [to her groupies] My mom doesn't even get out of bed anymore. And the doctor says it's Epstein-Barr. I'm like, pleeease! It's chronic hepatitis, or at least chronic fatigue syndrome. I mean, nobody cool has Epstein-Barr anymore.
==========
Buffy: There's one.
Giles: W-where?
Buffy: Right there, talking to that girl.
Giles: You don't know-
Buffy: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt! Deal with that outfit for a moment.
==========
Darla: Who the hell are you?
Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief, I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.
==========
Buffy: We're talking violence, strong language, adult content... [Thomas charges Buffy, impaling himself on her stake.] See what happens when you roughhouse?
==========
THE HARVEST
Willow: Oh, I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh... Good for me.
==========
Giles: For as long as there has been vampires, there has been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One...
Buffy : He loves doing this part.
==========
Xander: Look, Jesse's my bud, okay? If I can help him out, that's what I gotta do. [Buffy nods] Besides, it's this or Chem class.
==========
Cordelia: [to Willow] Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist? Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you’re boring.
==========
Buffy: So, Giles, got anything that can make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: Knew I could count on you.
==========
Luke: You forget, metal can't hurt me.
Buffy: There's something you forgot about, too. [throws music stand through window behind Luke, bright light pours in] Sunrise!
Luke: Aaaaaarrrrg... [sees light is just streetlight] Huh?
Buffy: [driving her stake into Luke's back] It's in about nine hours, moron.
==========
Giles: The Earth is doomed.
==========
[glow=red,2,300]WITCH[/glow]
Giles: This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... cult?
[Cut to Buffy in a cheerleading outfit]
Buffy: You don't like the color?
==========
Buffy: Any common denominators in cases of spontaneous combustion?
Giles: Uh, rage. In most cases the person who combusted was, was terribly angry or, or upset.
Xander: So maybe Amber's got this power to make herself be on fire. It's like the human torch, only it hurts.
==========
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger! Then I... hide until it goes away.
==========
Buffy: And have you seen the kids that do yearbook? Nerds pick on them.
==========
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
==========
Buffy: You're my Xander-shaped friend! Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander?
Willow: [to Xander] We gotta get her to a-
Xander: [to Willow] Let her speak.
Buffy: [to Xander] I’ll tell you. You’re not like other boys at all.
Xander: Well...
Buffy: You are totally and completely one of the girls.
==========
Amy: Well, I know that I'll miss the intellectual thrill of spelling out words with my arms.
Cordelia: Ooo, those grapes are sour!
==========
Amy: I'm just happy to have my body back. I'm thinking of getting fat.
Buffy: Y'know, I hear that look's in for spring.
==========
TEACHER'S PET
Giles: That's all he said? Fork Guy?
Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy.
Giles: There are too many guys in your life.
==========
Cordelia: Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight. I'm just saying, when tragedy strikes we have to look on the bright side, y'know? Like how even used Mercedes still have leather seats.
==========
Xander: ...I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is "Angel" anyway?
==========
Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh... I mean, he's probably...
Willow: ...gonna die!
==========
Natalie: Should I change? Is this too…
Xander: No, no. It’s the most beautiful chest – dress I’ve ever seen.
Natalie: Thank you. That’s sweet.
==========
[glow=red,2,300]NEVER KILL A BOY ON THE FIRST DATE[/glow]
The Master: "And one of the brethren shall go out hunting the night before and get himself killed, because he couldn't wait to finish his job before he ate." Oh, wait... that's not written anywhere.
==========
Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go last night. No, I don't mean that either.
==========
Giles: If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm the Slayer, ask me how!'
==========
Buffy: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.
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Buffy: You killed my date!
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[glow=red,2,300]THE PACK[/glow]
Xander: Well, every school has 'em. See, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids.
==========
Willow: He's not picking on you. He is just sniffing you a lot.
==========
Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
Buffy: Uh-huh.
Giles: And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
Buffy: Yes.
Giles: And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles.
Buffy: It's bad, isn't it?
Giles: It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. 'Course, you'll have to kill him.
==========
Willow: Oh, my God, Xander! What happened?
Buffy: I hit him.
Willow: With what?
Buffy: A desk.
==========
Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
Xander: Did you tell them that?
==========
[glow=red,2,300]ANGEL[/glow]
Xander: What are you vixens up to?
Willow: Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by. Oh look, a [censored!]roach. [STOMP!]
==========
Xander: Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Buffy: What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?
Xander: Duh! I mean, guys'll do anything to impress a girl. I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath.
Willow: It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick factor.
==========
Buffy: My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place! I ... You don't even know what I was writing about! 'Hunk' can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when it says that your eyes are 'penetrating,' I meant to write 'bulgy' ...
Angel: Buffy ...
Buffy: And 'A' doesn't even stand for 'Angel' for that matter, it stands for ... 'Achmed,' a charming foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you at all ...
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched her from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear.
==========
Xander: I know you have feelings for this guy, but it's not like you're in love with him, right? [Buffy looks away] You’re in love with a vampire?! What are you, outta your mind?
Cordelia: What?!?
Xander: [to Cordelia] Not 'vampire' ... [to Buffy] How could you love an umpire? Everyone hates 'em!
Cordelia: [distractedly glances at Xander, then returns gaze to another girl] Where did you get that dress? This is a one-of-a-kind Todd Oldham. Do you know how much this dress cost? Is this a knockoff? [imperiously checks the label] This is a knockoff, isn't it?! Some cheesy knockoff! This is exactly what happens when you sign these free trade agreements!
Buffy: [to Xander] You think we have problems ...
==========
Giles: There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of Angelus, the one with the angelic face.
Buffy: They got that right.
(heck yes they did)
==========
Buffy: You want Xander, you've gotta speak up, girl!
Willow: No, no, no, no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness ... and sweaty palms.
==========
Xander: Ah, the post-fumigation party.
Buffy: And what's different between this and the pre-fumigation party?
Xander: Much hardier [censored!]roaches.
==========
[glow=red,2,300]I, ROBOT... YOU, JANE[/glow]
Giles: I'm just going to stay and clean up a little. I'll be back in the Middle Ages.
Ms. Calendar: Did you ever leave?
==========
Buffy: I can just tell something is wrong. My spider-sense is tingling.
Giles: Your spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.
==========
Ms. Calendar: You kids really dig the library, don't you?
Buffy: We're literary.
Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
==========
Giles: Smell is the most powerful trigger to the memory there is. A certain flower or a whiff of smoke can bring up experiences long forgotten. Books smell... musty and rich. The knowledge gained from a computer is... it has no texture, no context. It's there and then it's gone. If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible. It should be, um, smelly.
Ms. Calendar: Well, you really are an old-fashioned boy, aren't you?
Giles: Well, I-I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear.
Ms. Calendar: That's not where I dangle it.
==========
Buffy: You're a computer geek, (stops to rephrase herself) genius.
==========
Giles: Well, it's been so nice talking to you.
Ms. Calendar: We were fighting.
Giles: (distracted) Must do it again sometime, yes... Bye, now.
==========
Giles: Ms. Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is fascinating, but I happen to believe that one can survive in modern society without being a slave to the idiot box.
Ms Calendar: That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This is the good box!
Giles: I still prefer a good book.
==========
[glow=red,2,300]THE PUPPET SHOW[/glow]
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped.
Buffy: Nah. I think I'll take on your traditional role, and watch.
Xander: And mock.
Willow: And laugh.
==========
Principal Snyder: I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch, and mock, and laugh . . . at.
==========
Xander: I have my pride. Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this.
==========
Principal Snyder: I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of wooly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
==========
Cordelia Chase: All I can think is, it coulda been me!
Xander: We can dream.
==========
Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed... and also smoking.
==========
Giles: Oh, I'm sorry. Um, your hair...
Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair? Oh my god. [runs off]
Giles: Xander was right. Worked like a charm.
==========
[The gang discusses a demon who is trying to harvest a brain.]
Willow: What could a demon possibly want from me?
Xander: What's the square root of 841?
Willow: 29. Oh, yeah.
==========
Giles: Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
Marc: No, no this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
Giles: What exactly is the trick?
Marc: Trick?
==========
Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! (they all turn to look at her) It's not, though.
==========
Principal Snyder: [After the curtain has been opened, revealing a dead Sid, a dead demon, Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles] I don't get it. Is it avant-garde?
==========
[glow=red,2,300]NIGHTMARES[/glow]
(I can't remember this quote at all, BUT I LIKE IT!)
Joyce: You wanna go to school?
Buffy: Sure! Why not?
Joyce: Okay. Good day to buy that lottery ticket.
==========
Xander: I-I-I dunno! I was, uh, dressed a minute ago! It's a dream. It's gotta be a dream. Ow! Wake up. Ow! Gotta wake up.
==========
Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick, I need help.
Willow: Don't I know it.
==========
Wendell: They're not insects. They're arachnids.
Xander: They're from the Middle East?
==========
The Master: A dream is a wish your heart makes.
==========
Xander: Your balloon animals were pathetic. Everyone can make a giraffe!
==========
[glow=red,2,300]OUT OF MIND, OUT OF SIGHT[/glow]
Principal Snyder: There are no dead students here. This week.
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Cordelia: Being this popular is not just my right, it's my responsibility.
==========
Cordelia: This is all about me! Me, me, me!
Xander: Wow! For once she's right!
Buffy: So you've come to me for help.
Cordelia: Because you're always around when all this weird stuff is happening. And I know you're very strong, and you've got all those weapons...I was kind of hoping you were in a gang...
==========
Giles: You know, I-I don't recall ever seeing you here before.
Cordelia: Oh, no, I have a life.
==========
Cordelia: Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.
Buffy: Well, if you feel so alone, then why do you work so hard at being popular?
Cordelia: Well, it beats being alone all by yourself.
==========
Buffy: You know, I really felt sorry for you. You've suffered. There's one thing I really didn't factor into all this: you're a thundering loony!
==========
[glow=red,2,300]PROPHECY GIRL[/glow]
Buffy: Fine, that's okay. I can't put it off any longer. I have to meet my terrible fate.
Giles: What?!
Buffy: Biology.
==========
Willow: I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?
==========
Willow: You think I wanna go to the dance with you and watch you wish you were at the dance with her? You think that's my idea of hijinx? You should know better.
==========
Xander: That's okay. I don't wanna go. I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music. The music of pain.
==========
Buffy: They say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles: I was hoping that I wouldn't have to. That there was... some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit!
Angel: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it that simple! I quit! I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop the Master from taking over!
Giles: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
Buffy: The signs? Read me the signs!! Tell me my fortune! You're so useful, sitting here with all your books! You're really a lotta help!!
Giles: No, I don't suppose I am.
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: You know about this? You're never gonna die!
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember? Pay attention!
Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
==========
Ms. Calendar: The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. She's so little.
==========
Xander: How could you let her go?
Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not let her go!
==========
Xander: How can I say this clearly? I don't like you. At the end of the day, I pretty much think you're a vampire. But Buffy's got this big old yen for you. She thinks you're a real person. And right now I need you to prove her right.
Angel: You're in love with her.
Xander: Aren't you?
==========
Xander: You were looking at my neck.
Angel: What?
Xander: You were checking out my neck! I saw that!
Angel: No, I wasn't!
Xander: Just keep your distance, pal.
Angel: I wasn't looking at your neck!
Xander: I told you to eat before we left.
==========
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
==========
The Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
==========
Angel: By the way, I really like your...
Buffy: Yeah, yeah. Big hit with everyone.
==========
And there is Season One. It took forever. So I may not do Season Two tonight. Since it will take longer.
