"Don't you wanna see how deep I go?"

[XanderHarris]

This one really lies at my heart. This little dream-sequence Wesley has in 5x17 "Underneath":

FRED You have a visitor.
WESLEY (turns slightly) I thought I was in isolation.

FRED (kisses his neck from behind him) Whose fault is
that?(walks around to kneel in front of him) Tell me a joke.

WESLEY (softly) 2 men walk into a bar. The first man
orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd
forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor
shaking.... and then through the floor and into the Earth. He looks
back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him.(looks
down at Fred) They're not that close.
FRED Yeah. You always know where you are.
WESLEY It's my particular skill.
FRED (crawls into his lap, looks into his eyes) This
is only the first layer. Don't you wanna see how deep I go?


To be honest, everytime I watched Underneath, I didn't quite get it and it never really caught my attention, until I rewatched every epsiode since Fred passed away lately - including Underneath.
This time, I was really caught by this little scene. It is cryptic and short, but it really got me.
So I started thinking about his dream, what it is supposed to mean and I am astonished how good this passage is. It is a rather short, but pretty precisely reproduction of who Wesley really is.

I will come out with my interpretation, after I heard yours.

[Whedon Fan]

Fantastic line in a brilliant episode. Wesley was absolutley heart broken to the point of not moving on when he lost Fred. That scene shows a lot of this and shows how good the writing in Angel was. Very dark scene and it's one that really stands out in the dynamic for Illyria/Wes

ILLYRIA:
I'm stuck in a world with a man that drinks to much and called me a smurf

[henzINNIT]

How deep I go... I honestly saw it as a forshadowing of the Fred/Illyria split dynamice that was to be explored in season 6.

[Skytteflickan88]

FRED You have a visitor.
WESLEY (turns slightly) I thought I was in isolation.
Wesley is in isolation, heartbroken and alone.

FRED (kisses his neck from behind him) Whose fault is
that?(walks around to kneel in front of him) Tell me a joke.
Not that hard to tell, it's his fault.

WESLEY (softly) 2 men walk into a bar. The first man
orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd
forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor
shaking.... and then through the floor and into the Earth. He looks
back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him.(looks
down at Fred) They're not that close.
That joke might be supposed to show how we all are afraid to reach out too each other. Maybe it's also a way of saying; Wesley can't reach out to Angel and the others, even tough he feels so much pain. Because they're not that close.

FRED Yeah. You always know where you are.
WESLEY It's my particular skill.
He knows who he is I guess. He's aware of his place in the world. Or he thinks so.

FRED (crawls into his lap, looks into his eyes) This
is only the first layer. Don't you wanna see how deep I go?
Wesley will never see how deep Fred goes, because she's gone. He will never get to know her better.

[XanderHarris]

I quite like your way of thinking. It differs from mine, but is very plausible as well.

My thoughts about the dream:

FRED You have a visitor.
WESLEY (turns slightly) I thought I was in isolation.

FRED (kisses his neck from behind him) Whose fault is
that?(walks around to kneel in front of him) Tell me a joke.

This shows to me, that Wesley never quite returned to the Fang Gang and that they were severed as well.
Since Season 4, they started splitting and now no one is there to catch Wesley properly. It's partly his fault, because he is a rather withdrawn person.


WESLEY (softly) 2 men walk into a bar. The first man
orders a scotch and soda. The second man remembers something he'd
forgotten, and it doubles him over with pain. He falls to the floor
shaking.... and then through the floor and into the Earth. He looks
back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him.(looks
down at Fred) They're not that close.
FRED Yeah. You always know where you are.
WESLEY It's my particular skill.

The two men are the multiple sides of Wesley. His first layer to the outside world (the man with scotch and soda) and his deep layer as the way he really is (remembers something he'd forgotten (Fred's death) and it doubles him over with pain.).
The agony and very deep grief over Fred's death is covered by his cold and neutral behaviour and drinking.
He is broken by the fact that Fred passed away, causing a gap of his two sides that cannot be bridged (he doesn't call out to him, they're not that close).
As Fred states he always knows where he is, she probably means that Wesley is well aware of the fact that her death shattered his soul. He is aware of the huge problems her death caused and the irreparable damaged this wreaked.
This was his "particular skill" since the Loa, in Season 3, already stated that Wesley has a certain death wish and no real meaning in life.
He is aware that, especially with Fred gone, there is nothing left for him to life for.

FRED (crawls into his lap, looks into his eyes) This
is only the first layer. Don't you wanna see how deep I go?

Since this is a dream of Wes', it indicates how sorry he is he never got to know Fred better.
Imagine, he was with the love of his life, his soulmate, the girl of his dreams - and it lasted about one week until she was taken away from him.
He wanted to fully explore her soul and her character, e.g. get a deep insight of her personality, but never got the chance to.




Now you know why this little scene touched me so much. To me, it includes so many traits and facets of Wesley, yet in such a poetic way, it's just astonishing.

[dane5by5]

This was an amazing episode, Sarah Fain and Elizabeth Craft demonstrated their expertise in this episode. It was very dark, this scene especially. But I loved how they still managed to involve humour, the line Illyria says about the word with nothing but shrimp was classic. I like how you understand Wesley's state after Fred dies, xanderharris, it makes the final episodes of Angel that much more touching, particularly for Wesley.