The Muse
Common Vampire
[Mo0:0]
Posts: 79
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Post by The Muse on May 30, 2009 1:01:43 GMT -5
Title: Tara – An amazing paradox Fandom: Buffy Character: Tara Summary: A poem about Tara(no specific kind of poem) Rating: G Disclaimer: I don't own Tara-. Even tough I want to. But not in the slave way. Okay, maybe a little bit in the slave way. I know, I'm bad, but don't worry, I'm seeing a professional. Tara Shy, brave uncomfortable, beautiful dead, but living forever in our hearts A wonderful paradox She denied a goddess and I feel in love Before, she was The Girlfriend now, a hero She meet a girl -her willow tree- feel in love -so beautifully- But the tree went greedy stole her memory Tara felt unsafe used and lost To save herself she left her broken heart the cost Tara, our hero choose to stand strong Independent but alone Yet her light did not fade It grew brighter She still loved her tree defended it loved it and one day Joy Happiness Naked sexiness The heroin and the tree together at last A happily ever after But then ”Your shirt” ******* Everyone feel free to leave feedback for the author.
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Post by VampSlayer on May 30, 2009 13:24:19 GMT -5
This was a very thoughtful poem. I loved it. I think that's all I have to say.
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Fredikins
Rogue Demon Hunter
Crazy Taco Lady
"Occasionally I am callous and strange," Willow.[Mo0:14]
Posts: 433
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Post by Fredikins on May 30, 2009 21:33:38 GMT -5
that made me want to cry, especially the end i loved it very good
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Secret Scoobie
Wise-cracking Sidekick
Puts words in word places
Shiny![Mo0:32]
Posts: 2,702
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Post by Secret Scoobie on Jun 7, 2009 2:53:56 GMT -5
I loved the simplicity. I think there was definately a lot of characterisation captures in there, even with just 'words' and fragments.
I think that the great thing about poetry is that is can have as much or as little structure as you want, however I feel that perhaps just consistent stanzas or a repeated pattern/beat may have created a better flow.
Despite that, it's still great!
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Post by Emmie on Jun 7, 2009 22:41:30 GMT -5
I think the spartan quality of this poetry has powerful potential, but I agree with Secret Scoobie that it would benefit from such outside structure to string the words together. Make the words sing in synchronization and meaning. Rather than dozens of loosely connected threads, making a tighter weave of imagery through structure and rhythm.
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meliafairy
Novice Witch
Le Bitch
[Mo0:13]
Posts: 257
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Post by meliafairy on Jun 8, 2009 6:58:41 GMT -5
I am a big fan of very abstract structure in poetry. This has potential to be very very good. It has nice characterization and sentiment but I think the complete lack of structure currently makes the poem seem fractured when it is read. This was a very heartfelt creation!
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Post by Skytteflickan88 on Jun 13, 2009 22:44:41 GMT -5
Thanks for the very constructive criticism.
I did go for the spartan, fragment style, because I really suck at rhythm. But now when I look at it, a repeated line, to tie together the stanzas, would have worked better.
Thanks again for taking the time to comment on my work.
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