The Muse
Common Vampire
[Mo0:0]
Posts: 79
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Post by The Muse on Jul 9, 2009 2:51:39 GMT -5
•Title: I Let Myself Touch Her •Challenge: #2 Villain's POV •Fandom: Angelus •Summary: Angelus explaining how he hated having a soul and wants to kill Buffy •Rating: PG •Warnings: Light use of violence •Disclaimer: "I don't own the characters. All bow to Whedon. •Word Count: 100 •Author's Note: Thanks Emmie for starting the competition and thanks to everyone who entered and voted. I let myself touch her, feel her and the most outrageous thing of all, love her. It’s quite poetic, bed the slayer and win the jackpot. The evil returning to my body was the feeling of home. The moment my cursed soul was removed I could breathe again. I could think my own thoughts; I could speak my own words. When I see her I feel disgusted with letting myself hold her and not snap her neck like a twig. Now that Drusilla and Spike have welcomed me back, the fight will end before she can say Angel once more. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please feel free to leave feedback for the author!
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meliafairy
Novice Witch
Le Bitch
[Mo0:13]
Posts: 257
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Post by meliafairy on Jul 9, 2009 4:54:08 GMT -5
You've got a good grasp of Angelus's personality!
However, I feel that you lack a cohesive theme to tie all of the thoughts together. As a result, the drabble feels spread a bit too thin.
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Secret Scoobie
Wise-cracking Sidekick
Puts words in word places
Shiny![Mo0:32]
Posts: 2,702
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Post by Secret Scoobie on Jul 9, 2009 5:26:25 GMT -5
Its interesting Angelus has such contradictory thoughts here. What I got from this was that he was grateful for his bedding of Buffy because he got rid of his soul, but on the other hand he is disgused by his intimacy with a human!
Great themes, and I think it's good but this bit wasn't very Angelus: "Now that Drusilla and Spike have welcomed me back, the fight will end before she can say Angel once more."
Probably because I always felt Angelus was entitled to the top position in that group. He was their creator after all, and he had a strong arrogant prescence, he wouldn't be worried about being 'welcomed' back, he would more likely push his way in and stamp out anyone who say ney!
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Post by Skytteflickan88 on Jul 9, 2009 7:01:10 GMT -5
I feel the anger and disgust when reading this fic, and I think you understand Angelus quite well, but I agree with the above feedback.
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zorthrip
Common Vampire
[Mo0:0]
Posts: 98
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Post by zorthrip on Jul 10, 2009 2:52:57 GMT -5
As the people above have said, you did a great job of capturing his feelings toward Buffy.
I agree with Secret Scoobie about the last line though. It did seem a little off. He always was the alpha in their coterie, and I think it wasn't so much that they welcomed him back so much as it was him showing up and telling them to step in line and suck it up.
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Post by Midnight Butterfly on Jul 15, 2009 6:56:15 GMT -5
Thanks to the two people who voted for me. And thanks for all the comments guys. I actually had alot more about that and it was more than 100 words In the original it was clear that he was being sarcastic about bedding the slayer being poetic Once I cut some stuff out I didn't notice how it would come across. I had a big long sentence saying something along the lines of "now that I have flattened Dru and Spike under my palm once more". Again I changed it and shouldn't have Thanks for all your feedback guys and I would love to know who voted for me ;D
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