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Post by sosa lola on Feb 28, 2010 8:36:44 GMT -5
Title: La Femme Spander Authors: Lusciousspike and Sosa Lola Spoilers: BtVS S6, Entropy Summery: Anya wants revenge and she'll be getting it by cursing Spike. La Femme Spander [/center] Part One The Magic Box "They're all, 'oh, poor Xander. It took so much out of him, all that running away he did.' I just don't understand what's wrong with these people." "Did you really think they were the ones who would help you?" Halfrek asked her distressed friend. "Well, but…" Anya started. "Do you want retribution, Anyanka?" "I want Xander good and cursed," Anya said firmly in anger. "Then you know what you have to do." "Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him," she spat. "Exactly." The justice demon nodded. "Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt?" Halfrek blinked, looking at her. Anya placed her hand on her cheek in thought. Several seconds later, she gasped, jerking up. "Oh-my-God. Spike hates Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish ... dammit, if only he were a woman." She resumed her thinking pose then jumped up, again, excited. "Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him… well, he'd be a her then… then I could go to her…" She sat back down. Halfrek shook her head at her demented friend. Anyanka has this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, that's cute. But, she always forgets what I've been telling her for decades … men need a little vengeance now and then, too. Oh, well, let her try it her hard way… I'm thinking there's a lot of fun down the line in that.She smiled and stood up, "Good luck with that. Ta-ta!" and vanished. Anya stood up. She had to find a person willing to make a wish on Spike. ~*~*~*~*~ "Harmony!" She looked up from the squirming boy and frowned, recognizing her addresser. "You!" Harmony let go of her prey, stalking towards Anya. The boy scrambled away through the dark alley not even pausing a second to look behind him. "Ugggh! Look what you did!" she screeched, watching her midnight snack disappear. "I wanted to turn him… he looked like Orlando Bloom!" Anya shrugged. "I think Johnny Depp is more attractive." Harmony reverted into human features. "True… but I couldn't find anyone… Hey!" She glared. "Why are we having a conversation? You're dating Xander the dweeb." "Xander isn't…!" Anya started indignantly before she remembered why she was here in the first place. She huffed. "Well, you're one to talk… getting dumped by a chipped vampire." Harmony placed her hands on her hips. "I'll let you know… I broke up with him." "Really? Well, the way I heard it, is that he left you because he wanted the Slayer." Harmony's eyes widened and she pouted. "Can you believe it? My little booboo was willing to kill his Drood-zilla over Skinny Buffy… I was there. Did he even think of staking me? Noooo. It's all 'My dark princess this… My salvation that'. Weeping over his precious Dorkus." Anya nodded, faking sympathy. "And that hurt you… after all you did for him, didn't it?" Harmony wiped a tear and sat on a wooden crate sniffling as she nodded. Anya took several steps closer. "You wanted him to suffer. You wanted him to know how it felt… how hard it was?" Harmony nodded furiously. "Yeah! I wish he knew how hard it was to be a vampire and a woman. I mean my tan lines alone-" She stopped with a gasp. In front of her Anya's visage changed into her demon look. Anyanka smiled evilly. "Done!" ~*~*~*~*~ "What the bloody hell?!" "Hello, Spike!" Spike turned to glare Anya who materialized in his crypt with a grin on her human face. He pointed an accusing finger at her. "You did this to me." He gestured to himself then looked venomously at her. "Turn me back, now. Or you'll see first hand how my chip doesn't work on you," he growled. Anya blinked at Spike. "You can’t kill me. I didn't cast my vengeance on Xander yet." Spike was pulled short. "What does Harris have to do with it?" Anya waved her hands explaining, "Well, I tried to get his friends to make a wish on him, but they take the 'friend' thing way too seriously. So I needed someone to make a wish… and you hate Xander… no annoying friend no wishes there. But, there was the inconvenience of you being a man… so I had Harmony… who's still bitter over her ‘booboo’… what's with that nickname, anyway? And she wished you to be all female vampy… now I need you to wish something nasty on Xander- so you can't kill me." Spike blinked. "Harmony is the reason I'm a chick? And the reason Harmony wished me with a set of knockers is that you need me to make a wish on your ex?" Anya nodded. "Yes. So, can you make one, please… a really creative one! I haven’t done one in ages." She grinned happily. Spike's eyes flashed gold. "You are the worse nutcase I've met and I had my share of nuts. Bloody Harris should be a ****ing bint not me." Anya paused in silence for a moment before shrugging. "Okay." Spike opened his mouth to yell again, but frowned. "Huh?" Anya pouted. "It's not really creative since I did it like - just now… but, hey, it is your wish." Spike shook his head, trying to shake away his building headache. "I didn't make a wish yet." "Yes, you did." She nodded with a wide smile. "You said that Xander should be a girl." "Well, I didn't use the word ‘wish’!" Anya waved her hand. "A technicality. I'm lenient that way." Spike gaped and looked down at himself. "Then where's my soddin' dick?" Anya gasped outraged, placing her hand on her chest. "I can't reverse Harmony's wish without her consent. I'll lose my powers." She sighed sadly and looked at Spike. "You make an attractive woman, Spike. I do regret not having sex with you when you had a penis… I hear vampire stamina is really good. Oh, well, thanks, bye." She vanished. "Bugger." ~*~*~*~ "Oh My God! What the hell happened to me?!"
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Post by Skytteflickan88 on Feb 28, 2010 10:04:42 GMT -5
I've read this fic before on livejournal, and I have to say that I love it. I don't think it was finished the last time I read it tough. Is it now?
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Jaz ♀♀
Junior Vampire Slayer
Kisses & Gay Love
'Hey Lezallbefriendsbians!'[Mo0:30]
Posts: 941
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Post by Jaz ♀♀ on Feb 28, 2010 10:55:47 GMT -5
hehehe that's a funny story....looking forward to the 2nd part.
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Post by sosa lola on Feb 28, 2010 10:59:12 GMT -5
Thank you, Jaz! I'll post Part Two soon I've read this fic before on livejournal, and I have to say that I love it. I don't think it was finished the last time I read it tough. Is it now? Thanks, sweetie! Yesterday I got an e-mail from my co-writer, she finally finished writing her scenes for Part 15. We'll post it either tomorrow or after tomorrow. This time, we're seriously planning on finishing the story.
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Post by sosa lola on Feb 28, 2010 11:38:07 GMT -5
Part Two:
"Oh My God! What the hell happened to me?!"
Buffy and Willow turned their eyes simultaneously from the T.V. screen to blink at each other. The same question went through their heads, who the hell was that?
They had decided to invite Xander for a 'comfort-movie-night', trying to make him feel better after Anya had rejected his advances to become a couple again. Xander had excused himself to the kitchen saying that if the girls were going to subject him to a girly movie, he was owed some buttery popcorn. Buffy had waved him away, placing the chosen said 'girly' movie in the DVD.
Hearing the high-pitched scream, they jumped off the couch to the kitchen. Their eyes widened at the sight of a brunette woman standing with her back to them. The stranger slowly turned around, eyes wider than theirs, holding her breasts and… shaking them. "What are these?" she screeched, distressed, looking from Buffy to Willow to Buffy again waiting for an answer.
"Boobs?" Buffy answered unsure of the question as her eyebrows rose and her nose creased in confusion.
Willow was looking intently at them, her head tilting slightly to the left as she tried to get a better look. Pretty boobs.
The brunette young woman wrapped her arms around her bosom protectively. "Stop ogling me, Willow!"
Willow looked at the strange woman, perplexed. "How did you know my name?"
"How did you get into Xander's pants?" Buffy asked, her finger pointed, directing their gaze to the jeans pooled at the woman's feet.
The brunette looked down. "Eek! I thought it was windy. At least my boxers stayed on."
Willow's eyes widened. "Xander?"
Buffy pouted. "You have prettier legs than me."
Willow looked down and nodded vigorously whilst Buffy glared at her for her eagerness at agreeing.
"Is this the problem here? Hello! I'm a woman for God's sake!" Xander yelled angrily, waving his hands, breaking the glaring match.
Buffy and Willow tore their eyes from Xander's legs and each other with very much effort. They looked back at the female features of their used-to-be-male friend.
"Um … hi, remember me?” He waved. “In need of help here. And, well, staring at my face instead of each other or my legs isn't really helping."
"Right," Buffy recovered first. "What did you do before you went all girlie-like?"
"Nothing, I was just about to pop me some popcorn." Xander indicated at the open microwave with the bag inside.
"I think this case needs a trip to the Magic Box," Willow said, looking at Buffy.
"Willow's right. Let's go," Xander exclaimed, already heading towards the kitchen door being the closest exit.
"Um … Xander? Not to sound all Cordy here but you can't go out wearing that," Willow said moving her hand up and down at his body.
Xander gave her a deadly stare and Willow actually flinched. "I'm not wearing women's clothes," his voice sounded with such rage that Willow hid behind Buffy. She couldn't protect herself with magic. Well, she could but she wouldn't. She went without unnecessary magic so far this long, so she hung in there. She had Buffy to protect her from over-hormonal female-phobic ex-guy-best-friend.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Xand, you look like a bimbo in her boyfriend's shirt after hot, sweaty sex." She blinked as a picture of her in Parker's room the morning after appeared in her head. She felt herself losing confidence but brought on another picture: her smacking the lying boy with a wooden branch. Better. "You don't want people staring at you, do you?"
Xander thought about it then sighed, defeated. "Fine. But no skirts!" he stressed. "No dresses, no tops. I want large sized pants and a T-shirt." He nodded and placed his hands on his hips. Willow bit the inside of her cheek to stop from grinning. His uptight pose and speak reminded her of another brunette woman.
"Sorry, can't do." Buffy shrugged. "All I have is small… uh, too small for you."
"Uh, c'mon Buff!" Xander whined. "You've gotta have something not your size… something comfortable."
Buffy's face took a shocked and somewhat outraged look. Xander nearly took a step back. He would have if it weren't for him being afraid of getting tangled in his jeans and falling on his ass. He turned his pleading eyes towards Willow.
"What about you, Will? You were always a fan of comfort in high school… anything in a larger size?"
Willow shook her head helplessly. "Sorry. My new wardrobe is all womanly skirts and small sized jeans."
"Crap!" Xander cursed.
"C'mon, Xander. Gotta suck it up and wear women clothes." Buffy took Xander's hand and dragged him out of the kitchen. "Let's get you into something."
"You just wanna cover my pretty legs." Xander huffed trying to lighten the mood, desperately holding on to the oversized jeans so they wouldn't fall.
Buffy scowled and pushed him up the stairs.
"What about the movie?" Willow yelled at their retreating backs and looked back helplessly at the paused DVD. She sighed. Freddie would have to wait.
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Jaz ♀♀
Junior Vampire Slayer
Kisses & Gay Love
'Hey Lezallbefriendsbians!'[Mo0:30]
Posts: 941
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Post by Jaz ♀♀ on Feb 28, 2010 11:57:55 GMT -5
hahaha!....this fic is so funny! i wish the posted parts were longer.
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CourtneyDax
Psychic Link to the PTB
May 7, 2002
[Mo0:0]
Posts: 879
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Post by CourtneyDax on Feb 28, 2010 21:11:57 GMT -5
I love it so far!! This is a very funny fic. ;D
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 1, 2010 7:15:50 GMT -5
Thank you, guys! The aim of this fic is bringing laughter Part Three:"Your idea sucks, Willow!" Xander called out irritably. "Can I come in now?" Willow asked, bored. She had heard it all already. "No, you can't!" Xander snapped at the closed door. "Get over it, Xander," Buffy began while helping him put on a bra. "Willow is a girl. Girls tend to see each other naked." "But, she's gay! She's out of the rule book," he said, nodding his head to emphasize. "It says so in the rule book. I should know, I'm a girl," he muttered bitterly and winced as Buffy tightened on the bra clasp. "Ow! That hurt!" "Sorry," Buffy murmured not sounding all that sorry. "But your breasts are C cup. I'm trying to lift them up," she explained. "God, this is the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me." "It's on," Buffy finished with a grin. Xander turned to face her and she pointed her finger warningly. "Don't make any sudden moves." Xander gave her a death glare. "What? I had to say it." She gave him a sunny smile. "Ha, ha, very funny. You know what? You're just jealous." Xander crossed his arms around himself and raised his head up, annoyed. Buffy rolled her eyes and went to open the door. Xander's eyes widened in fright and turned to look at her as she walked away. "What are you doing?" Buffy spoke slowly, "I'm going to open the door." "Why?" "So, Willow can come in." "Why?" Buffy give him a look. "She doesn't need to come in you know," Xander smiled sheepishly. Buffy held her hand over her mouth in shock. "You're gonna stop a girl from joining a makeover party. How could you, Xander? She's your best friend." She hiccupped. "I didn't mean … wait," he stopped short. "What do you mean 'makeover party'?" It was Buffy's turn to smile sheepishly. "Well, technically this is a 'try out'." "There's gonna be more?!" "Duh. Dawn will kill us if we do one without her." She shrugged. “Whaaat?” Buffy rolled her eyes again and opened the door for Willow. Xander gasped and quickly gave the door his back. His arms tightened even more around himself. Willow walked in and saw his half-naked back. She smirked jokingly. "Oh, Xander, you look so hot." The husky sound of her voice made Buffy snicker. Xander glared at the wall, knowing that Willow was making fun of him. She had obviously heard his complaints through the door. He looked down at Tara's clothes, which Willow had suggested for him to wear. That had been her 'idea'. "These clothes suck." "Hey!" Willow yelled. "Well, they don't match my taste." He turned to look at her with a scowl on his feminine face. "Like you have the greatest taste in clothes," Willow retorted. She suddenly felt guilty even though Xander didn’t look offended. "Well," she said trying to even the playing field. "We all don't have the greatest taste in clothes." "Hey, speak for yourselves," Buffy exclaimed. She turned to close the door and mumbled, "Mean tasteless losers." Xander and Willow exchanged a smile as memories of high school Buffy flashed in their heads.
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 2, 2010 6:53:43 GMT -5
Part Four:
Xander huffed, standing behind the counter. Hours ago, they had found the Magic Box closed, which was a bit strange since Anya would never close the store this early. Buffy and Willow had figured that she was still upset enough to not want any more money and followed that conclusion by staring at a pouting Xander.
After using the extra key Giles had given Buffy before he returned to England, Buffy and Willow went in search of any books that dealt with boys turning into girls. If lucky, enclosed would be the systematic instruction on how to reverse it. The girls were avidly looking while Xander was not. He was whining and pouting all the time about not wanting to be a girl. Thus, acting as Buffy pointed out then 'like such a girl'.
Xander had been left in front of the cash register in case someone came in. Anya would never forgive them if there were a lost money gaining opportunity. After Buffy and Willow failed in finding any helpful books in the front of the shop, they moved their search into the back where Giles kept the more precious books.
Xander was frustrated as he leaned onto his elbows. His body didn't feel right and the bra Buffy used her slayer strength on was killing him. He glared down at his chest remembering how he tried to convince Buffy that he didn't need a bra. Buffy had explained then that his breasts were too big for him to not wear a bra, claiming that they would hurt if left unsupported. With no previous female experience, Xander, sulking, relented.
Groaning with embarrassment, Xander let his head fall to hit the counter. Man, that hurt! He yelped - a female yelp to his shame.
He raised his head when he heard the bell to the shop door jingle. He watched transfixed as a gorgeous blonde-haired woman strode confidently towards him. Xander racked his eyes up and down her body noticing her long flowing blonde curls bounce over her perky chest.
Distracted, he made sure his mouth was closed and that no drool escaped. There was no sense in scaring Anya's customer by his raging hormones.
Xander's eyes locked with the woman's sharp blue ones. He couldn't help but notice the long light-brown eyelashes. His eyes drifted down a sharp nose to gaze at full pink lips - lips that were turned up in a familiar smirk he could not place in that dazed moment.
One of the blonde curls fell over a well defined eyebrow. It made Xander’s hand twitched over the counter, wanting to put it back in place. The blonde brushed it back revealing a scar in her eyebrow.
Xander frowned for a few seconds before realization hit him. He looked down at her clothes and noted the infamous duster. He gazed up at her face, his eyes checking the high, full cheekbones.
"Spike?" Xander gasped as he straightened.
"Always knew you were slow, Harris." Spike smirked while looking back at the boy-turned-girl with a defined pink mark on his wide forehead.
So, that was Xander as a female? Not bad. Quite an improvement from what he had used to be, Spike thought lustfully. He raised his eyes from gazing at Xander's breasts to settle on his face. A grimace played on his expression as he noted the youthful features. He was sure his wish hadn't included knocking a couple of years off. The gaping fool looked like a witless high school girl.
He whistled. "Pretty little virgin."
Xander's eyes had remained wide unsure of what he was seeing. "Spike?!"
"What's going on? Is Spike here?" Buffy's called from the backroom.
Both former males looked at Buffy, who stood by the door, frowning at Spike. "Is that you, Spike?" Her eyes widened. "You're a girl, too?"
"How did you know it was him?" Xander exclaimed.
"Well, any idiot would know that. The duster for one thing and the face, it's pretty much Spike but more feminine."
Xander shifted his eyes to the side. "Well, it took you a long time to know me." He ignored the fact that it had taken him a while to figure out this fact himself. A while spent in thoughts that would forever be locked in the 'never be mentioned again' box in his head.
"Well, you're not exactly the same Xander. The eyes are probably the same, I guess. Or not.” She gave an unconcerned shrug. “But, other things are still different."
"Other things? What do you mean by other things?" Xander squeaked, indignant. He really didn't need to be criticized in front of Hot Chick Spike.
In the box… now!
"She means the breasts, mate."
Xander covered said breasts, cheeks flushed. "Well, you have breasts, too!" He looked at the tight red shirt, buttons barely holding in the boobs.
What happened to the box? Xander's mind whined when his eyes continued to gaze at the covered yet pronounced breasts.
Spike pursed his lips. "Not as big as those." He coarsely gestured with his palms.
Xander blushed even more. Did Spike actually complement him? Did he actually think of it as a complement?
So need to buy a new box… this one is defective!
Willow came into the room, wondering what the raised voices were about. "Hey, guys, what's up?" She stopped as she spotted the stunning blonde. Her heart sped up as she licked her suddenly dry lips. Strange urges and feelings rushed out of nowhere, confusing her. That young woman was absolutely not her type. She always went for sweet and cute. She liked cute Xander, cute Oz, cute Tara … she STILL liked cute Tara.
Willow nodded firmly to herself. Bad girl type was so not her type.
Buffy was checking out Spike’s breasts. “I think your breasts look fine. I mean they’re average, not too small or too big. Well, above average in these parts,” she said bitterly as she cast a look at Xander’s chest then back at Spike before casually pulling her shirt down a little.
Xander held his breasts tighter, mortified. He looked at the still silent Willow. “Willow, help me out here. What do you think of Spike’s boobs? They’re small, right?” he said wanting to rile the vampire and trying to convince himself that his fellow sex-changer wasn't attractive.
Spike raised a delicate eyebrow not falling for the bait.
Something caught Willow’s attention. Boobs? Her eyes drifted from the blonde’s dazzling face to her chest. "No,” she answered Xander’s question with a dreamy shake. “They’re just right."
Xander grunted. Man, why are all women against me today? Does it have to do with the leaving Anya at the altar thing? It’s not like I did it without a reason! But did they even ask about the reason? No! He sighed. Yeah, just blame it on your friends, huh, Harris?
He looked at his friends, suddenly feeling more miserable. “Did you find something yet?” What a better way to change the subject from the breast competition.
Buffy shook her head. “Nothing, sorry,” she said sympathetically.
“Spike!”
Everyone looked at Willow who pointed at the vampire. “Spike’s duster! Spike.”
Buffy nodded, bored. “Yeah, we covered that already.”
“What turned you into a girl, Spike?” Willow asked. “Was it the same demon that turned Xander?”
Aggravated, Xander hit the table with his fists. “For the last time there was no demon!”
“There’s always a demon, Xander,” Buffy asserted, then turned her attention to Spike. “Now tell what happened.”
“Well, it is a 'demon'.” Spike gave Xander a look. “Anya happened.”
“Anya is not a demon,” Xander yelled angrily, slamming his hands down once more. That seemed like such a manly act earlier so he did it again.
“She is now. Got her old job back, demon perks and all."
Xander blinked. "She did?" he asked hurt.
"I'm sorry, Xander," Willow said looking at him with concern.
"So, Anya is a vengeance demon now? And she wished for Xander to be a girl?" Buffy asked, confused.
"It's your fault!" Spike yelled at Xander.
"Why is it always my fault?" Xander asked defensively with a little hint of whine, knowing full well that it was indeed his fault for whatever reason.
"The demon chit is mad at you. And I got caught in the middle of the bloody crossfire!"
"Why were you in the middle exactly?" Buffy asked suspiciously.
Ignoring the accusatory tone, Spike told them what Anya had said to him before she disappeared leaving him to find the shrunken clothes he had hidden so long ago.
"… Fucking Harm! And then … uh…she tricked me into wishing Xander a woman."
"You mean it wasn't Anya who did the wish?" Xander said, his face brightening with happiness. That was a plus.
Everyone gave him a look.
He realized how stupid his words were. Trying to change the subject yet again, which he seemed to be doing a lot lately, he glowered at Spike. "You wished me into a girl?"
"Well, technically, I didn't use the word 'wish', and if I wanted to make a wish against you, I wouldn't want to turn you into a fine-looking chit, an ugly cow more accurately."
"You would've made me a cow?" Xander screeched. Spike cackled.
"Would you stop that?" Buffy yelled, irritated. "We have a major problem here and it's about you two. Can you focus and help out?"
Xander looked away ashamed of his behavior. "Sorry," he mumbled.
Buffy glared at Spike who shrugged silently. She sighed. "Okay, now we know that Anya had done 'this'." She pointed at the still glaring two. "Too bad she never told us how she was turned into a human in the first place. Have you got an idea, Will?" she said as she looked at Willow.
Willow hmm-ed, still busy ogling Spike. Even knowing that it was Spike she was drooling over didn't make a difference… or perhaps made it more exciting. She had always secretly wondered what it would be if a vampire…
"Willow!"
She snapped when Buffy clapped her hands in front of her face.
"Oh, oh right." She coughed trying to cover up her embarrassment. Xander glared at her feeling betrayed and a little jealous. Spike only smirked, noticing her interest as clearly as everyone else had.
Willow bit her lip then sighed, defeated. "I've got nothing."
Buffy nodded. "Then we have no choice. Giles it is."
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Jaz ♀♀
Junior Vampire Slayer
Kisses & Gay Love
'Hey Lezallbefriendsbians!'[Mo0:30]
Posts: 941
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Post by Jaz ♀♀ on Mar 2, 2010 21:36:29 GMT -5
oh, Willow with her one-track mind.....lol.
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 3, 2010 8:12:26 GMT -5
Part Five:Dawn gazed at the strange brunette and blonde women with curiosity. She was still processing what Buffy had just informed her that these women were actually Xander and Spike. She blinked once more and worked her jaw to make sure that she wasn't showing all her teeth for all to see. From the way the women looked, she could see it was not a late April Fools joke. Only in Sunnydale!Xander looked the same but more womanly and way shorter than he used to be. She grinned. She was taller than he was now. His eyes were the same, but more distinct on his female features. The lashes were the same length given that they were always like that even before this new interesting development. The eyebrows were smaller and were nicely shaped, not perfect but natural. The silky dark hair reached the tip of his shoulders. His body was lean, not too lean, yet full in the right places, it matched Xander's bountiful breasts well. Dawn turned her attention to Spike. The blonde's eyes were perfect, they were sharp blue and rimmed with long light brown lashes. She wanted to worship Spike's perfect nose. His lips were the same full lips he always had. Maybe the disgruntled pout puffed them even more. As a member of the female species, he had rounder cheeks yet still held cause for the envy of all cheekbones. Spike's hair was shiny full blonde locks that cascaded over his shoulders. It was longer than Xander's hair and the soft curls reached the middle of Spike's back. The leather duster completed the sexy form of Hot William the Bloody, as always. He was a bit shorter than he used to be, as a woman he was few inches taller than Xander. Spike might be Dawn's height or a little bit taller. It was Xander who had seemingly shrunk. After several blinks, Dawn opened her mouth, "Xander does have the bigger boobs." She nodded to the girls. "Oh, c'mon!" Xander spat out indignant. Dawn pulled back startled. Spike shrugged. "I'm telling ya, mate, medium size perky bosom are 'totally in season'," he said the last word in a somewhat mocking Cordelia tone. "I mean you can't run with those things." He indicated with a jerk to Xander's left boob. "Ow!" Xander and Spike yelled in pain. Spike clutched his head, glaring at Xander. "Oi, watch where you point those things!" Buffy crossed her arms. "Gross, Spike." Spike raised an eyebrow at her. "You're just jealous, pet. You're nowhere near as hot and cute as me and Xandra here." He placed his hand on Xander's shoulder his tone clearly showed which one was the cute and which was the hot. Xander was still rubbing his left boob with his right hand. He pushed Spike's arm off with his left and stepped away. If he walked towards Buffy it was because that direction was the farthest away from the breast boxer, NOT to seek protection from the still smaller form of the Slayer. He never had and never would do that. "I still don't understand why I can't go back to my apartment?" Xander huffed heatedly while trying to keep from snapping at his annoying thoughts and ignoring the very womanly huff-somewhat-whine that had so easily came out from between his lips. Dawn blinked at the huffing. Wow, Xander does take this girly thing seriously. She grinned as she gave the two used-to-be-men another one over. "Because, one," Buffy began, "There is no way anyone I know is going out like that…" She pointed at his ill-fitting Tara Clothes with distaste. "Second, there is no way to be sure that Anya won't be continuing her vengeful bender and you staying here makes it easier for me to do my protecty thing." She knew she should've gotten an A in debate. Stupid Mrs. Parkers. I should've let Oz eat her.Xander pulled away from Buffy sure that she was going insane especially with that wistful look and the tiny evil smile. He inched closer to Spike. He would take his chances with Slap Them Boobs. Wait, Buffy was saying that Anya could come back for more?"What do you mean make more with the vengeance-ing on me?!" Spike pulled away rubbing his ear, nearly slamming into a grinning, eye-fluttering Willow. Xander waved his hands at the whole living room. "She turned me into a girl, Buffy! A girl!" The yelling snapped Buffy out of her happy ‘werewolf releasing for teacher-control’ thoughts. She blinked at Xander. "You think being a girl is bad enough to be payback for what you did to Anya? Enough to satisfy her 1000+ years of demon-y vengeful experience? You think what happened to you is that bad?" "Duh!" Xander yelled. "There is nothing worse she can do to me now." "Xander!" four yells caused the poor still-getting-used-to-a-shorter-body's-balance-recently-girl-ed ex-boy to fall onto the couch. He sat up and looked at their faces before looking down, ashamed. "Sorry." Spike nodded. "That is it. The boy- uh, chit is jinxed … no way I'm staying near him." He headed towards the door. "Hey, Spike, before you go. What is the time?" Dawn called. Spike turned around, confused. "Well, Bit, it's way passed your bedtime if that's what you want to know. Little girls shouldn't be still up and about enough to see the sun… oh…" He huffed, turned around and planted himself next to Xander who was too depressed to notice, much less care. Xander was pouting which meant he wasn't convinced yet, but still too embarrassed about him inviting Hellmouth fate for dinner-on-him to make voice of his doubts. Spike, on the other hand, shrugged uncaring of Xander’s delima. "All right then, where am I supposed to park my cute new arse for the day?" "My room!" Everyone looked at Willow who hadn't spoke a word - if one overlooked the joint 'Xander' bellow - since they left the Magic Box, too busy trying to make sure that no one noticed her staring at Spike. She blushed as her absent mind caught the wide eyes of Buffy and Dawn, the shocked and hurt look from Xander and Spike's amused smirk. She quickly worked her mind trying to mend the awkward situation. "I … I meant both … um, Spike and Xander can sleep in my room," Willow stuttered. "Yeah. Now that’s WAY better," Dawn said with rolled eyes. ~*~*~*~*~
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 5, 2010 3:02:51 GMT -5
Part Six:
Spike glared at the fluffy pajamas Dawn had given him. Hell, there are bloody kittens all over them! He gazed at the sleeping bag placed on the floor next to the couch where Xander would be sleeping, then looked back again at the pajamas. I've always slept naked and I always will. They can buggerin' live with it, all I care... don't have nothin' they haven't all seen. With that thought, he threw the clothes to a corner and took off his duster.
Before he got the chance to take off his shirt, he heard a dreadful screech. "Spike!"
Bugger.
He turned around with a flinch but then an amused laugh escaped his lips.
There by the door stood Xander in fluffy pink pajamas. Fluffier than his if that was even possible. It seemed that Buffy liked to wear larger sized sleepwear. Considerably larger seeing as this one continued to fall off to the side revealing Xander's bare shoulder. After fruitless effort to keep the shirt in place, Xander soon gave up with a sulk.
"Yeah, laugh it off bleached gal. Now we'll see how ridiculous you'll look in Dawn's nighties." He crossed his arms happy with himself and waited to see Spike's annoying happiness deflate.
And why the hell is it me who's depressed while he can't seem to keep his upside down frown off his face? We're both missing VERY important appendages, damn it!
Spike’s laughter died down into a nonchalant shrug. "Not gonna happen."
"What?"
"I'm not wearing no stupid pajamas, you twit. I'll sleep the way I always do."
"And that would be …" Xander shifted on his feet, not liking where this was going.
"Stripped to the way nature sees it fit."
"Whoa, whoa, Spike," Xander exclaimed nervously waving his arms around. His PJs slipped and he pulled it back into place huffily. "You can't sleep naked!"
"Yeah?" Spike sniffed unconcerned. "Watch me," saying that, Spike unbuttoned his tight red shirt.
"No!" Xander yelled as he coved his eyes.
Even though he couldn't see him, Spike smirked at Xander who had taken no time to start acting like what his skin showed him to be. "What's wrong, Xandra? I'm a female of interlocking parts with your species givin' you a free show. Are you telling me an all American hot blooded git like yourself wouldn't even take a gander at my one of a kind merchandise."
Xander thought it over. Why couldn't he? He was a guy after all. Well he had been recently, for all of his life actually, save the last few hours. That meant that even though he was in a girl's body, he was still manly Xander looking for some girls to get it on with. Didn't explain how 'girly' he had been acting since his new development but he was a proud member of the Denial R Us special life time membership subscription and was never to enter a conversation with anyone, including his subconscious, about any allegedly girly acts… without a good come back, so there.
However, if Xander did look at Spike and liked what he saw – there was no chance he wouldn't, he liked what he saw covered after all. Besides, technically being in a woman's body and checking out another woman's body then liking what you see made you a lesbian.
Nevertheless, HE wasn't a lesbian! He liked girls while he wasn't a girl, so that had to make a difference, right? Would being a lesbian now make him gay when he returned to his manly body??? Wait. No. he would be dubbed gay now but would return to being straight once he reclaims his mighty penis once more. Right?
God, my head hurts.
"So, you're not opening your peepers?"
"Nope. No peepers peeping." Xander was still unsure about his points regarding sexual orientation, they weren't very convincing. No wonder Mrs. Parkers almost flunked him. "My eyes will enjoy the blissful peace without your sight 'til you get under the covers."
"Poof, fine, I'm in the friggin bag."
"Ha, ha, you're lying. I'm on to you."
"I'm serious, you dolt."
"As if. No one is that fast, sleeping bags aren't that easy to get in to… I should know." Lifetime membership for ALL areas of life had always come in handy.
"Vampire here," Spike’s annoyed tones broke into Xander's dark thoughts.
"Oh, oka …. Wait! How can I make sure you're not lying to me? 'Vampire' and all."
"Whatever, mate, I'm going to sleep and you do what you like. Stand there with your eyes tightly shut all day for all I care… it's passed my bed time."
After a few minutes of silence, Xander reluctantly opened his eyes and saw Spike lying in the bag peacefully asleep. He hadn't zipped the bag to the top, which was understandable seeing that he was camping in the Summer's living room in Dawn's sleeping bag. The extra blankets covered the vampire's whole body, except for the striking features. And no one would notice that Spike was actually naked under them since they even covered his shoulders. Xander couldn't help but run his eyes over Spike's face for a moment. He looked beautiful sleeping, like a perfectly made sculpture of sleeping beauty waiting for her prince to awaken her with a…
Stupid… faulty… box!
Sighing, Xander climbed onto the couch, slipped under the covers and laid on his stomach. His face scrunched. It didn't feel comfortable with the large breasts squished into the hard couch. Man, he couldn't even sleep in his best position. Why did he jump at the chance to sleep on the couch again? He knew that Spike was after something when he had given an uncaring shrug about their sleeping arrangement! Xander wiggled with his last attempt to get comfortable.
Groaning, he turned to his side and his sleepy eyes opened. He was about to wake Spike up and tell him to switch, when he caught the sight Spike's proud boobs. They had somehow escaped from the blanket that now fell over the tiny waist.
Those are some perky boobs, he observed in his sleep-deprived mind. Nice… boo...
"Enjoying the view?"
His eyes slowly moved up, passed over a small smirk, and finally they were caught in the hold of a half-opened blue eye.
How can he raise an eyebrow while his eye is half closed?
Xander gasped with embarrassment but tried the international cover. "Aren't you asleep?"
"Not with your annoying heartbeats making their appreciation known. Now go to sleep, they'll be there tomorrow."
Xander blushed a deep red at the mention of 'they' and burrowed into his bed with no more thoughts of sleeping arrangements. Soon the tiredness took hold of him and he was fast asleep.
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Jaz ♀♀
Junior Vampire Slayer
Kisses & Gay Love
'Hey Lezallbefriendsbians!'[Mo0:30]
Posts: 941
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Post by Jaz ♀♀ on Mar 6, 2010 23:31:36 GMT -5
Stupid faulty box!
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CourtneyDax
Psychic Link to the PTB
May 7, 2002
[Mo0:0]
Posts: 879
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Post by CourtneyDax on Mar 7, 2010 1:48:25 GMT -5
Haha! This is so crazyawesome! I love it. ;D
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 7, 2010 12:05:43 GMT -5
Aw, thanks, guys! Part Seven:An unsettling feeling of someone staring at him woke Xander up. He had a restless night, what with the squishiness of his boobs and the couch trying to get to along peacefully and failing miserably. It was hard sleeping in a position that you were not used to, but it was just as hard to sleep on your stomach when you have huge boobies stuck to your chest. Xander grew weary; the sense of being watched was getting on his nerves. He drowsily opened his eyes with reluctance only to blink caught off guard by wide blue eyes gazing at him intensely. He blinked fuzzily up at Dawn. “Wha?” A silly beam appeared on her face as she shook her head, uncombed yet silky hair bouncing with the harsh movement. Why am I noticing her hair? Must. Stay. Awake. “Nothing, it’s just … you’re so adorable sleeping, I couldn’t resist!” she squealed and gave him a light kiss on his cheek. He was still blinking though the squeal did help blow away some of the fog in his mind. “I’m always adorable sleeping.” She nodded. “Yeah, but now you don’t have that gray itchy stubble on you which makes you twice as adorable.” She couldn’t help but kiss his smooth cheek once more. He grinned happily at the attention. “More adorable than Spike?” he asked with yawn, knowing full well that she was going to say that Spike was cuter. But given it was early in the morning, and she had evilly woken him up, he hoped she would flatter him. He wouldn't mind really, especially if it meant choosing him over Spike. “I’m trying really hard not to look at Spike right now.” She grinned uneasily. Xander frowned. “Why?” He peered down at Spike and found that the blanket only covered the vampire's bellybutton. Barely. His eyes swept over the naval, moving upwards. A couple of perky breasts were beautifully free of the nasty covers. Xander drew back agitatedly and looked back at Dawn hoping she didn't notice how his eyes lingered a moment longer than was suitable for the definition of a 'quick glance' and that she would pass off his drool to typical sleep drool. “Oh,” was all he could manage. Dawn straightened up. “I should go get ready for school. I just couldn’t help checking on both women-you-s sleeping. You know when I first woke up? I thought it was just a dream.” A huge grin played on her lips. “So glad it wasn’t.” With that, she bounced up the stairs to her room leaving a tired Xander trying to get back to sleep. Unfortunately, that wasn't going to happen any time soon with all girls upstairs waking up, yelling at each other for dibs on the bathroom and making a big fuss over a missing shirt, or was it a blouse? All that for getting dressed? He thought aggravated and not a little frightened. Now, he knew there was no way he could close his eyes without having nightmares. Or, early morning-mares as the case may be. He sat up tiredly with a moan and looked at the clock. It was a little pass 7 A.M. He groaned. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t get enough sleep last night. Feeling a little bit breezy on the left side of his body, he turned and grimaced at his bare shoulder. He drew the pink shirt's wide neck up to cover it, but as soon as he let go it slipped back down again. He glared. Who was this made for?The noise grew louder upstairs. Xander sighed and sat up crossing his legs under him, something he noticed came a lot more easily now that he was stuck in a woman's body. He picked up the remote control, turned the TV on, and started mindlessly changing the channels – forcing his eyes to focus on the bright screen and nothing else. Spike’s hand rose and began scratching sleepily at his chest, clearly an involuntary act. Xander jumped, startled at the sudden move but couldn’t help staring at Perky Boobs. His heart started pounding at the way Spike’s hand massaged his left boob drowsily. Xander’s eyes focused on the pointed pink nipples. He gasped when his hand, that wasn't holding the remote flicking away at the button, throbbed wanting to show the sluggish hand what real massaging was like. He turned his attention back to the TV and raised the volume in hope of being distracted. Spike snarled annoyed. He sat up angrily and looked with yellow eyes at Xander, seemingly unconcerned that he was practically naked. “Keep the blare down, git!” Xander stared with wide eyes at Spike’s naked upper body. The trim waist was even fully exposed in the new position and complementing the chest even more. It had taken great effort from Xander to look up at the game-faced vamp. Spike’s long hair was messy; it made Xander touch his own hair to check if it looked as sleep ridden as Spike’s. Though he doubted it looked like he had been doing what anyone would guess Spike had done last night, a 'rump in the sack' they would say. And why was it that the unkempt look of tussled hair only added to the overall hotness of him? “Gonna keep it down?” Spike growled making Xander jump, eyes snapping into focus. He swallowed a lump, that growl sounded too sexy. He took a deep breath and glared at Spike. “Not until you wear something.” “What?” What? The male brain screeched in Xander's head making his ears ring from the inside. “It’s morning anyway. Get up, go wear some clothes." Xander pointed at sweats folded on the chair next to the PJ's Spike refused to wear to bed. It seemed like Xander had two minds. Which was strange seeing that he was now missing the essential body organ that controlled said 'second mind', unless he had the equivalent in this female body? And that was too weird to even comprehend even for him – a previously red-hot blooded American male – who demanded that a body a swim suite model would die for to be covered. "You've gone bloody mental? They're purple." Spike sounded appalled at even the thought of being in the same room with the clothes. New plan. Xander smiled devilishly. He had practiced this particular smile in front of the mirror for sometime now and finally he had a chance to use it. This would certainly help take his mind off his 'personal crisis' and give him a chance to see Spike suffering. He hated how his companion seemed to adapt to the situation better than he was. Seeing Spike gloomy in purple sweats was reason enough to make him wear them… other reason goes into the box. Spike narrowed his eyes. He didn't like this. The boy—girl was planning something, and he knew he wouldn't like it. He felt his skin crawl when Xander replaced that awful mimicking of a smirk with an innocent look. It was scary when one of the Scoobies played the naive card. "What are you up to?" his voice dipped with venom. "Who, me?" Xander shrugged. He turned back to the screen giving himself a mental high five for keeping his eyes above the neck. "Oooh, look Bugs Bunny." Spike frowned and turned to see a rabbit with a carrot tripping a bald guy with a gun. Xander twisted his lips. "I know this." He changed the channel. "Oh! Tom and Jerry… classics." He clicked his tongue and changed it once again, holding back a smile when he noticed a tick appear in Spike's cheek. Spike's eyes widened. "Bloody hell, what in all that is unholy are those?!" Xander bounced. "Those are the Power Puff Girls. Bubbles - blue, Buttercup - green and Blossom - pink… she's their Buffy. Bubbles is Willow, and I get to be kick ass Buttercup." "You're… Buttercup," he said sardonically. Xander perked up. "She's the best. Kick 'em and never asks questions." Spike snorted looking at the three carton characters beat some poor ugly character into a messy pulp. "Sounds more like the Slayer to me." More Girl Power stuff kept coming with scary giggles from Bubbles and Spike couldn't take it anymore. "If I wear that god awful 'purple' sad excuse for garments, you turn down the bubbly kiddy racket?" Xander gaped surprised. That was too easy. He felt a little sorry that he hadn't tortured Spike with more bright colored, loud music kids shows. "Uh- sure." Well, that wasn't as fun as he thought. Damn, evil vampire taking the fun out of everything. At least he's stuck wearing Dawn's clothes. All further thoughts ceased as did all Xander's functioning organs as he was rewarded with a full body view of Spike getting up in all his—her--- NAKED glory, stretching, shaking the blond locks and make them cascade in slow motion down to the middle of his back… How did he do that?! … right at the dip… where the slim waist… With the last ounce of conscious ability, Xander squeezed his eyes shut and willing his lungs and heart to start working again because he wasn't ready to find out what people were going to say about him in his funeral, how he died and why it wasn't going to be an open casket… and what they were going to write on his tombstone… "Oi! You okay? You're breathing a marathon and you're heart is drumming in my ear." Xander opened one eye just a smidge looking downwards and began ascending over purple pants, a similar tight top… Is it cold in here?… up a long creamy neck and finally to a concerned face. More confidently, he opened the other eye. His breathing began to regulate. Guess he started living again when he was too busy panicking. "Uh, yeah, fine," he managed to answer. Spike gave him one last searching look before shrugging and flopping next to him on the couch not forgetting to snatch the remote out of his hands to turn the volume down. Spike didn't give the remote back and began surfing. Xander didn't snatch it back, too shocked for that. Still processing what he saw and for once he wasn’t crazy enough to bring his mental box into the equation. And would it be too far fetched for him to contemplate the idea that Spike did that on purpose, not only being his usual comfortable with his nudity self? Xander turned his head to look at the vampire who returned his look with innocence. He felt the hair on the back of his neck rise and switched his gaze to the TV. Spike's innocent look was replaced by his infamous smirk. See how he likes it. His finger stopped. Oh, Die Hard! And it's the first one… splendid. He pointed with his free hand. "This one's better than the other two." Xander alternated between Spike and the flashing screen. The two heroes had only just met. Xander recognized a manly peace offering- skin not withstanding. "Too true. Though the third wasn't bad but not as good as the original." Spike leaned back, sharing a grin. They sat in companionable silence. "Aww!!!" The two were startled and turned to look in the direction where the sound came from then blinked when their vision turned white. "****!" "Damn it!" Spike and Xander rubbed at their eyes. "What the hell did you bloody bints do?!" Xander squinted. "Please tell me that wasn't a flash that blinded me just now." Spike stopped rubbed his eyes and looked at the camera Dawn was holding. He growled. "Dawn, better hand that blasted machine over here!" Dawn giggled. "But you guys looked so cute, right, Buffy?" Buffy nodded with a smirk. "Sure did. Something for the books I'd say." She inclined to her sister with her head and found the camera in her hands. She looked at them confidently. "I'm gonna take this with me so you two don't get any sudden urges to tear films." She got a twinkle in her eyes. "Gonna drop it off to be developed on my way to work." Xander smiled weakly. "But Buff. That's not very financially wise you know. Developing just for one photo." The response was a couple of eyes blinking innocently at him. Spike jabbed his side lightly. "They're better at it than us. I'm scared." Xander nodded. "What are you up to?" Spike narrowed his eyes. Buffy fluttered her lashes at him. "I'm not up to anything, Spike. I was up early this morning, a little energetic given I didn't patrol yesterday and while I was getting me some warm milk- well, let's say my photographic senses screamed at me to capture the moment." She gave the horrified two a full teeth smile. "So, see Xander film only had room for one pic and I knew Dawn would whine if she didn't get to take one." Xander gulped. "You… you have a whole of film of us sleeping." A sudden thought struck him and he felt cold seep into his bones. "Me and Spike sleeping… with him and his…" Xander's mouth went dry. Spike raised an eyebrow. "Me and what?" Xander squeaked. "Ah!" Buffy got it then. She waved her hand. "Oh, no. Don't worry I covered… that." She looked a bit awkward… and was there a hint of jealously in her eyes? Xander tried not to contemplate that too much. Buffy shrugged. "Yeah, it was too distracting for Willow when she wanted to take some digital photos." "WHAT?" Spike and Xander both screamed. At that moment, Willow came down the stairs, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. She froze at the look Xander and Spike gave her. "What?" Xander shook his head in betrayal. Spike settled for looking at her interested in that intense way he had. Willow blushed which caused Spike to leer, then swear when Xander poked him angrily. Xander glared at him before shuffling away to the further side of the couch which wasn’t all that far. He didn't like that look that Spike gave Willow. Because that was his best friend who was on the receiving end of that look not for any other reason that was for sure. Xander pouted. Buffy rolled her eyes. "Hey, Will, better take your digital cam with you. I'm thinking the 'guys' have some destructive feelings towards it." Willow blushed harder and just nodded before quickly excusing herself on the pretence of an early class and was out the door with only an apologetic glance at Xander. "Let’s go, Dawn, or you'll be late for school." Dawn nodded and followed her sister grinning at the same time thinking how she was going to re-write this story and edit the Hellmouth bits to share it with her friends. "Wait, you're not gonna leave me with him?!" Buffy stopped and looked at Xander. "You slept with him all night… besides he's chipped and in the same girly boat as you what's he gonna do?" Her eyes settled on Spike, who appeared a little shocked that she trusted him with her friend. She wasn't surprised, their last encounter –when he was a male- at his crypt hadn't really been a walk in the park. She'd accused him of spying on her and asked him to move on. She didn't blame him for thinking she didn't think good of him. She sent a small smile his way, this time surprising herself. She actually trusted him. He returned her smile, and she hoped her little nice gesture didn't raise his hopes. Xander looked from Buffy to Spike, not liking the warm smiles. His eyes widened at Buffy. "Don't tell me you got a crush on him, too?" He didn’t let himself think too hard of what had recently happened to cause this change. Buffy blinked, her cheeks went red, and dashed outside in haste. Spike tightened his jaw, also confused at Buffy’s words. Only recently she had upset him to the extent that he was willing to resort to magic to relieve what he felt for her. Now all of a sudden she trusted him with her chum? Was being a bint working for his advantage? "She said I slept with you," Xander said. Spike glared at him, more interested in the thoughts about the possibility that Buffy was finally coming around. "I did not sleep with you.” Xander whined, “Why did she have to say that?" "Why don’t you shut it?" "I was on the couch, you were on the floor… there was no sleeping together and no nakedness. Well, except that you were naked. And there was sleeping involved. But it was sleeping-sleeping. NOT 'that' sleeping," Xander went on like he didn't hear him. "She can be so nasty." "Yeah, she can." Spike glared down at the floor, hating how the new thoughts made the giddiness he'd felt over playing with Xander and later Willow dissipate. His glare deepened at the stupid purple girly hand-me-downs from the Slayer's kid sister. "Life sucks." At least one thing both Spike and Xander agreed on. That and their shared liking of Bruce Willis in explosion filled movies. "Think there gonna be a number four?" Xander asked without real feeling. Spike fell back against the couch suddenly very tired. "I wouldn't be surprised if there was." Xander nodded. Spike watched another bomb go off. It didn't help.
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 13, 2010 12:13:12 GMT -5
Part Eight:
Spike and Xander sunk deep into the couch with as much space as possible left between them. They fell deeper into their despair when the girls had left, each one headed to her respective function. Buffy went to the Magic Box for she decided to take over now that Anya got her old job back and maybe earn some keep while she was at it, anything better than the Double Meat Palace. Willow set off to her morning classes and Dawn to school. That left both Xander and Spike as each other's delightful company.
After several minutes of sitting still in uncomfortable silence, only interrupted by the sound of the television as the credits rolled by, Xander pushed himself up and exited the living room. Spike didn't show any sign that he noticed, seemingly intrigued with the names of the stunt doubles. Rummaging could be heard. Cupboards were opening and closing, the definite sound of the fridge door being opened. Then before long, Xander came back laden with supplies. He was walking with difficulty as he was balancing four beers on top of a couple of large bags of chips. He spread the stuff on the coffee table, keeping one beer for himself then leaned back into the couch and started the mindless channel surfing, occasionally sipping from his beverage.
A moment later, he held back a smile as he heard the hiss of another can opening. Soon they were sitting in comfortable silence not giving the other a single thought except when their hands fought for the last chip. Because everyone knew that it was the tastiest chip. Spike won.
Xander sighed and stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom."
Spike shrugged while making noticeable crunching sounds. "Don't see why you have to tell me all the exhilarating details of your life."
Xander ground his teeth together to keep from barking at him. With a muffled growl, he left for the bathroom.
Spike snagged the remote and started clicking through the channels tiredly. He should be asleep during the day. But God help him if he slept in a house alone with Xander Harris. The boy already got him turned into a chick, deliberately or not. He wasn't about to allow himself to be even more defenseless in a house full of sharp weapons courtesy of the Slayer.
There was a knock on the door and Spike waited for Xander to come out of the bathroom to answer it, but nothing. He sighed and levered himself up off the couch, pulling the purple sweats back up when they threatened to fall. Thankfully, his brand new round waist kept that from happening. Spike was glad that his low-cut top was tight enough that it didn't need similar treatment and a plus for not needing a bra.
Bet that riled the boy. He thought snickering.
The knocking returned once more with more impatience this time. Spike growled irately and quickened his step.
"Bloody do everything myself and they start to pound the door down."
He unlocked the door and stepped back from it, towards the curtain protected living room and yelled, "It's open."
The door opened and closed. The figure at the door froze as he opened his mouth before blinking surprised to see him. He asked with a stutter, "I- I beg your pardon, b-but who might you be?"
Spike looked confused at Giles' ignorance before he felt a devilish smile appear on his face. It seemed like Buffy asked the old watcher to come and help but conveniently 'forgot' to inform him of the reason. He held back a snicker.
Oh, I get to play. Such joy.
Giles was oblivious to this, not to mention flustered at Spike's revealing appearance. He looked anywhere but at the seemingly disheveled attractive blonde.
"Are you a friend of Dawn’s?" he asked gruffly.
Spike choked on a snort. He knew he looked young but it seemed that the purple sweats and the unkempt appearance made him look a little older than Dawn. Spike had no idea that he actually looked like a nineteen-year-old model that had just woken up from a very 'satisfying' sleep. Or did he?
Spike fluttered his lashes confused. "Who is Dawn?" Then he faked knowledge. "Oh! You must mean that little girl in the picture. Xan-der," he said in his over exaggerated American accent, "- always makes sure that I'm here after she and the other ladies of the house have left."
This time Giles looked directly at the grinning woman. "I beg your pardon?"
Spike pulled on the memory of every seductive woman that had come across his path and brought forth every movie that would help him in his performance. Also, it seemed that those boring hours spent with Anya while she babbled on about Xander in bed would finally come in handy.
He twirled his finger around a long blonde lock and looked under his long bangs and lashes. He pouted delicately and bit on his lower lip, smiling in satisfaction when a flush started to build on Giles’ face.
"Poor guy was really down … he needed something to lift his spirits. And for the right amount I was ready to… help lift him up." There was a wicked gleam in the blue eyes. "I can get ANY one up, you know."
A delicate finger was running over the long milky neck while Spike tilted his head in thought. Giles swallowed the lump in his throat before he noticed that the supple ruby lips were still moving.
"… he's a Norse God in the sack, I'll have you know. Raises me up to the clouds he does." Spike licked his lips instead of grinning widely when he saw the wild green eyes looking for escape. "He really knows how to please me with his interlocking parts… work's pleasure with him. Mmmm." He sighed dramatically, making sure his chest rose and felt the heat of Giles' eyes. Spike sniffed discreetly and chuckled inwardly when he caught a very definite smell coming from the flustered man. That was only more incentive for him to continue.
"…and after he rides me like a fine mare – which he keeps screaming when he's 'close' –" A whimper came from the door's direction. "-he tells me when we cuddle, which causes him extra by the way… him needing the contact and all, that if only he had a sound father figure to help him through that wedding. His own father being a drunken fool was out of the question." He sighed exuberantly. "If only there were some man he could've confided in… none of this would've happened."
"Oh my…" Giles looked devastated.
Spike shrugged. He never felt this- giddy was the only word that fit. "Well, all that ends well… least for me. I could retire on the cash that I got from this."
"Why are you here?" Giles looked around frantically. "Is Xander here?"
"We can't go to his place no more. Neighbors bother us with their yelling for us to stop… rude much!" He knew hanging around the Buffy and her friends would be good for something. He was knowledgeable in the ways of girl speak.
He narrowed his eyes. "You're a friend of his?"
Giles, still unmoved from his spot near the door, nodded slowly in dread.
Spike gaped before bursting in frantic words.
"Give me money. Xanny Hunk -it's what he makes me call him- ran off on me and I ain't leavin' with out my pay."
"What?" Giles rubbed at his face.
"I think Hunk-y boy is a little short for cash… he has been around the block a lot if you catch my drift." Spike winked.
Giles didn't understand half of what the woman -- Dear God… Xander hired a prostitute – was saying.
"Xander needs money?"
Spike nodded so hard it caused the blond hair to bounce. "You bet your flat English ass he doe. He demanded in the last 'service' the King Treatment, and since it wasn't such a hardship for a well-hung cha--- uh, dude like him, only cost him one thousand --- bucks."
"Flat… excuse me. Wait," Giles' indigence turned into even more horrified shock. "One thousand bucks? Dollars! That's awfully a lot…"
"How would you know? Had your fill of some, hmm?" Spike wiggled a finger and leered. "Well, I'm not like anyone else… I have talent… and Xanny Hunk wanted the special treatment- ALL the extras. Want a list? Okay, on top there's the dominant play… he likes it when I lead… with toys of course, I'm no rooky … we have…"
"Hey, you're here!"
Giles jumped as he heard another unfamiliar female voice. He took a deep breath relieving the blue color that had attacked him when he stopped breathing midway into the description. He turned around and the red rushed back to his face when he found yet another attractive, short girl wearing a large baby blue T-shirt and darker blue sweatpants. Now this one absolutely looked Dawn's age.
That made Giles' bones to turn cold. Was Xander that depressed that he needed to play a game with a striking 'experienced' harlot and a shy innocent virgin?
"Oh Dear Lord… Xander hired himself TWO prostitutes!" he blurted out with gaped eyes.
"WHAT?" Xander yelled before looking at Spike accusingly. "What is he talking about?"
Spike was biting his lip, hard. "Rupes thinks we're hookers."
"WHAT?!"
Giles was trying to wrap his mind around how he can help Xander out as well as trying to remember if he ever told the young 'lady' his name.
"Spike, what did you do?"
Giles blinked at the name. His mind froze.
Did she say… Spike?
His eyes narrowed as they zoomed in on the blonde who was pouting at the brunette while amazingly carrying out a death glare at the same time. Not to mention she mouthed 'party poofter'.
Giles rolled his eyes with a weary sigh.
Finally it all made perfect sense. How hesitant Buffy was on telling him about the problem they needed him for, only begging him to come as soon as possible because they didn't know what to do. She knew that if she had told him what really happened he would burst out laughing and then would tell her to “let the two stew” because if anyone deserved it, it would've been them.
So, the blonde-haired woman was Spike and the brunette was Xander. Good heavens, did he just think that Xander was a shy innocent virgin? Well, perhaps that was better than him 'nearly' getting aroused by the female vision of Spike.
He shook his head. That was why those two deserved this. They drove him bloody bonkers.
"I should've realized from that horrid American accent… I figured it some kind of southern talk."
Xander scoffed. "You have just insulted the south."
Giles rubbed at his eyes. "I assume you're the problem, Xander?"
Xander hid his face in his hands. Typical. Giles assumed that he was the reason to this. Putting aside the truth of that statement, Xander was more concerned that yet another person saw him as a girl.
Spike threw his arm over Xander’s shoulder. "We're always trouble. It's our 'maiden' name."
Xander looked at Spike with a pained face. "Now that's bad and this is coming from me."
Giles felt tired all of a sudden. The shock was unbearable. He moved to the living room, wanting to relax in his favorite place on the couch. Sadly, the dream was too good to be true, revolting pieces of chips were all over it. Four beer cans scattered over the coffee table with definite wet marks all over. He heaved a weary sigh and headed to the adjoining chair. A disgusted expression emerged on his face when his eyes fell on the untidy light blue pajamas thrown on his bloody chair!
He was beginning to lose his temper. At least from within, but that was how it began. He had better watch himself. Ripper wouldn't do any good at this moment. Even though it would be extremely satisfying. He took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling. Now he was calm or as calm as he could be with those two around.
He stood by the couch and disgustedly picked up the two pieces of pajamas with the tips of his fingers. He threw them on the floor with a grimace.
"At least we know that you're still the same old slobs, now don’t we?" He looked from the clothes to the beer cans and chips then pushed the clothes away with the sole of his shoe.
Spike snorted. "Really, there's no need to act so spooked."
"Oh pray tell, why should I not be 'spooked' after your riveting story?" Giles grumbled while making himself comfortable on the couch.
Xander looked at Spike, puzzled. "What did you tell him?" His inner voice yelled at him that it wasn't a good idea to ask. He held up his hands in horror. "No, no, I don't wanna know." For once, he knew to listen to the inner voice residing upstairs.
He turned to Giles. "You so don't wanna know about those, Giles," he said pointing at the blue pajamas.
Giles nodded agreeing. Finally, some sense around here.
"I always sleep naked." Spike shrugged. "Dunno why you tiptoe around that."
"Lord Almighty," Giles exclaimed, massaging his head. "Who knew knowledge could this harmful." He shot the vampire a glare.
Xander smacked his hand over his eyes in embarrassment.
Spike smirked enjoying the utterly human reactions. He crossed his arms under his chest, purposely pushing the round breasts up, revealing more of the pale skin. Then he stroked his finger in a seemingly unconscious way over the separating line, bringing more attention to his ample boobs. He chuckled evilly when Giles cursed at the sight and looked away breaking the heated glare.
Spike raised his eyebrow thoughtfully. Well, well, well… maybe being a chick could have some advantages here.
Xander felt himself fume, noting the situation. First Willow, then Buffy, now Giles. Does Spike have absolutely NO dignity or restraint? He rolled his eyes. What was he thinking? Of course not. This was Spike.
Sighing, Giles took off his glasses and started his usual cleaning session. An unexpected gasp made him jump slightly. He raised his eyes with apprehension.
Now what?
Xander pointed his finger at him, his body somewhat shaking. "You're ... you're doing it!"
Spike followed Xander's pointed finger with excitement and looked at Rupert who was using his nancy handkerchief to wipe his glasses. His excitement vanished. "When’s has he never done it," he said bored.
"Yeah, but do you know why he does it?" Xander asked, staring at Giles with barely masked outrage
"Why?" Spike asked curious to what had gotten Harris in such a stitch.
"Buffy told me all that wiping is just an act so that he won’t see what we do." Xander's pointed an accusing finger at Giles. He hated how easily it was for their so called proud Englishman to discard his so called ‘Watcher’ pride - not that it wasn’t a smart idea to distract oneself from Spike’s antics, but it was the principle that mattered! Especially when Xander was involved in the fake loss of sight. Xander wondered how upset Giles really was when Willow made him blind that one time.
"What?" Giles said with a tense whisper, unaware of the battling emotions within Xander. Putting his glasses back on, he looked apprehensively at the angry brown-haired ‘woman’. He remembered asking Buffy to keep that piece of embarrassing information to herself. He sighed. Maybe she did so in spite, to get back at him because he had left. On the other hand, it could've been mere feminine nature; not being physically able to keep their mouths shut.
But how did that explain Xander and Spike before their sudden transformation? Perhaps this was a long time coming.
He looked at the two females in front of him and couldn't help but itch to clean his glasses once more. He was sure he had missed a spot. He finally gave up, not able to see more of that, and took them off and began wiping at that maddening spot.
He could tell that Xander was shaking his head and Spike was wickedly doing that … thing with his breasts. Breasts? He shuddered. With a sinking feeling, he realized that he was the only male in the group. Their group already had too many female members, they certainly didn't need more. It was a déjà vu to the feeling he had when Angel and Oz had left leaving him to be the only adult, which really didn't change when Spike joined. And he wasn't even going to go there. He still couldn't figure out how that happened.
When he replaced his glasses once more, he looked hesitantly in the direction of Xander and Spike. Why were they standing so close to each other… and to him? Thankfully, Spike stopped his - toying… and Xander was no longer angry. They were looking at him expectantly now. It was as if they were hoping he would present them with the answer to their problem that very second.
He shook his head. Why do they all always expect him to find the right answer instantly?
He looked away from his current annoyance and was only irritated more at the sight of the messy living room. Now he noticed the sleeping bag and sheets, which clearly meant they had spent the night here although one would assume they lived here as well from the chaos.
He remembered the unpleasant days when Spike used to live with him. A terrified shudder came when he remembered his stay in Xander's dank basement. I really hate the Initiative.
Turning his gaze to the hopeful two, he asked, "Why don't you clean this mess right now before we try to figure this out?"
Xander and Spike shared a look then burst into unwomanly gales of laughter, leaning into each other for support.
Apparently, their misfortune brought them to common ground. Giles sighed and tried again, bluntly asking, “When will Buffy be back?"
As quick as the laughter began it stopped and the two bodies enjoyed a second of stillness before immediately rushing to clean up the garbage.
Giles closed his eyes tiredly.
When will Buffy be back?
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Billie Erin
Ensouled Vampire
"I go back to December"
"I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."[Mo0:0]
Posts: 1,536
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Post by Billie Erin on Mar 13, 2010 17:34:56 GMT -5
This is SO FUNNY! Kudos to you!
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Jaz ♀♀
Junior Vampire Slayer
Kisses & Gay Love
'Hey Lezallbefriendsbians!'[Mo0:30]
Posts: 941
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Post by Jaz ♀♀ on Mar 14, 2010 8:44:51 GMT -5
Agreed, this is one of the funniest fics i've read in quite awhile!
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 14, 2010 11:33:30 GMT -5
Thank you, guys! Part Nine:"Willow, do I have to?" Willow sighed, tired of this already. She had thought she got the good end of the deal when Dawn called dibs on shopping with Spike, but now she wished it was the other way around. Spike leering at her with his perceptive grins was a whole lot better than Xander's whining. She thought he was bad as a boy, but she had no idea! "Again, no. You can't keep wearing the same clothes everyday. I didn't keep—uh, Tara's clothes won't take this much abuse." Xander poked at the outfit in front of him. "Why do I have to look at skirts? It's not the Dark Ages, you know." Willow glared at the unyielding finger. "You need to own at least one skirt, Xander. You don't know when one might come in handy." Xander crossed his arms. "I picked one, but you didn't approve." He stuck up his nose. Willow pointed at said skirt, still clear from a distance. "You mean that tight checkered skirt?" She turned accusing eyes towards him. "The one only available in the smallest size they have and with as many colors in it a rainbow would hide its head in the sand from the shame of it all?" Xander had the dignity to blush. "I always wanted a kilt." "Which again that wasn't!" Hands waved in front of her face. "Calm down, Will, don’t want you getting any anger lines." Willow covered her face and whimpered. With a deep breath, she straightened and turned Xander around, pushing him towards a new selection of clothes. "Now, remember, Xander… it's either this or you walking around with no bra … and you'll actually feel first hand why every ‘blessing’ comes with a price." Xander looked sideways at her skeptically. But with narrowed eyes, he turned back and carefully inspected the underwear. According to all those shows on television, women were really finicky about what they wore, especially on the inside, even though no one was going to see it other than their respectable other. And even then, Xander knew from experience, they cared for what was underneath. Sure the wrapping could be nice, but the present inside was several kinds of 'nice'. Therefore, there had to be some other reason to care so much about picking out lingerie. Xander was determined to find out. He reached forward for the undergarments, but a short distance from reaching it his hand froze. He never 'really' touched any… other than that time those damn frat boys pushed him into one, and he took that off as soon as he was clear. He actually shuddered to think of who wore that. As for with Anya, she was always so eager for sex, he barely had time to see her in them before they magically disappeared and she was on him. And for the one that was on him, well that didn't count, Buffy had strapped it on him and he had yet to take it off. Uh, maybe Willow was right. Gross. He pulled back his hand. He drew closer to the hanged garments and leaned his head over to peek inside at the tiny paper. He squinted to read it. The answer to women might be in there. Willow bit her lip, feeling her nails dig into her flesh. She didn't realize she was clenching her fists until the pain registered. And why wasn't she letting go? Because there was a high chance that she would punch Xander. She raked her brain, trying to think why that was a bad idea. "Willow?" That caused her to jump. Xander was too enwrapped in his 'reading' to notice. But Willow did, she knew that voice better than her own. Though whenever I hear my voice on tape it sounds like someone else... Even in the most unusual of circumstances, she couldn't keep herself from babbling, at least this time it was in her brain. She hoped. "Oh, Tara!" Tara’s vision swung from Willow to the brunette with her back to them. The other girl was currently wearing the clothes Tara was oddly missing when she had packed. The dark-haired girl was apparently buying garments with the girlfriend whom Tara had recently reconciled with post rough breakup. Willow's eyes grew twice as large. She was able to read what Tara was thinking, something anyone else in such a situation would exactly think. She was out with a girl, who was wearing her girlfriend’s clothes, not soon after they had gotten back together. Clearly the brunette had had a busy night, slept over and didn't have spare clothes so she’d worn the leftovers. And now the lovebirds were shopping together - lingerie, albeit it was at Wal-Mart. But, the thought was what counted, right? And that was something some saw as being even more intimate than spending the night. The only problem was… it was not true!"No, no, Tara. It’s not what you think… it's Xander. Xander is a girl. Xander is a girl! He…" She couldn't say anymore because it was really hard to talk with a hand plastered against your mouth. "Oh, louder, why don't you, Willow?" Xander hissed in her ear. "Don't think that tattooed-biker-guy heard you. Jeez.” Willow mumbled something that Xander chose to interpret as an apology. He pulled back with a relieved sigh. "I was never more thankful that Spike couldn't go out in the day." He referred to the lack of customers at that time of night. Tara took it all in stride, it was the Hellmouth after all. She shook her head. "So, what happened? And what does Spike have to do with this?" Willow opened her mouth, but Xander gave her a warning glare and she snapped it back shut. He turned to Tara. "Short version. Anya wanted to curse me… needed a chick… couldn't get one of my friends to do it - needed someone who doesn't give a damn. Surprise: Spike." Tara tried to say something, yet Xander kept on going, "But, Spike is a guy, so she needed him to be a girl for the cursing thing to work and had Harmony of all people to vengeance-wish him a girl … and in turn he wished me without my manly bits and now…" He poked his thumb into the air behind him. "I'm buying lingerie!" Tara blinked. She waited a few seconds and when no more flying words came out she nodded. "I thought your aura looked familiar." She looked at Willow. "What spells did you use to try and change them back?" That had Willow speaking up no matter what Xander thought. "Not one. You were busy with class so I thought not to bother you. I was gonna tell you tomorrow though." She blushed. That seemed to be enough for Tara. She smiled proudly at Willow. "You did well. After all, only a vengeance demon can break her own curse." Xander snorted. "Tell that to Giles and Buffy who're still researching back at HQ." Willow drew closer to Tara conspiringly. "Actually I think they knew better than to go shopping with Xander and Spike Gone Femme. It’s scary." Fact was, when Buffy had finally returned home, she promptly decided that Spike and Xander couldn't keep walking around in hand-me-downs, it was unwomanly, and that there was a need for an impromptu visit to Wal-Mart. Spike and Xander had changed back into last night's clothes, much to Giles' relief, Willow had noticed, and were sent out with Willow and Dawn plus a list of groceries. And yes, if the boys-in-disguise were on their good behavior, they could buy snacks, but not too much, because it would ruin their figure. "Hey!" Tara giggled at Xander's outrage. "Where is Spike anyway?" Willow smiled at Tara's ease and acceptance of the situation. "Dawn is chaperoning him. It seemed like a good idea at first…" She and Tara shared a wince. "Maybe we should see how they're doing?" Willow sighed. "I wish. We haven't even bought one thing for Xander." She perked up. "Hey wanna help? Two minds are better than one." Tara grinned widely and nodded drawing closer to Willow. Without delay, they started looking through things, occasionally glancing at Xander with calculating looks. Xander gaped. "What about my third mind? Girls… Will… Tara?" He ran up to catch them barely stopping to pick up the now full basket. "Put down those high heels!" ~*~*~*~ Spike and Dawn walked along the piles of clothes, looking for yet more clothes for the second basket they had. They had the same taste in outfits. Dawn wasn't shocked at all about Spike's stylish choice in clothes - as stylish as Wal-Mart clothes could get. Her eyes caught the cute earrings hanging with similar accessories. She checked their price and found that they cost five dollars. Well, they were cute, but, five dollars? They didn't deserve such a price. Well, no one would notice them if she … No. She had promised Buffy. But, how would Buffy know? "Better pay for those, Bit." She startled, turning her wide eyes at Spike's knowing stare. "I like the way your mind works," he said. "But I don't want to be a pile of dust by big sis' favorite stake." Nor do I want to see her getting hurt, but no way I'm saying that to the chatty rugrat."I wasn't …" Dawn began, but trailed off at Spike's raised eyebrow. "How did you know?" she whispered sheepishly. "Your heartbeat sped up a little, and the way you gazed at them. Easy to tell." He shrugged. Vampire hearing was the best; he could make a fortune acting as a lie detector, given that the person lying had a working heart. "You're not gonna tell Buffy about this, are you?" Dawn asked, worried. "Well, I'm evil. Of course, I would. But tell you this- with humble 'blackmail', shall we say, I'm keeping my sweet plump lips shut." He smirked nastily. Dawn glared. "What do you want?" "Me and you, Bit, sneaking at Xandra in the shower with a cam, for a little leverage of my own on him, how does that sound?" Dawn smirked wickedly. "Sounds like a fair trade." Then she poked him in the chest playfully. "Just don't take advantage of him 'too' much." "Cross my dead heart and hope for a third date with Mr. Pointy." They chuckled maliciously, before Dawn took the earrings and put them in the basket. She turned to Spike. "At least Xander is paying for all this stuff." Knew there was a real reason to me liking her. Spike fingered a skimpy beige top with a single strap and brown and light purple smudges, glittery in the front and back. It would barely cover anything and would defiantly show his well defined stomach. "What do you think of this?" he asked her while checking out two similar tops which only differed in their special shade of violet. Dawn stared at it in awe. "Wild and sexy. Can I have it when you go back to being a manly big bad?" Spike tilted his head, looking between it and Dawn. "Will Buffy let you wear it?" "She doesn't need to know." She flung her hair back in rebellion. Spike grinned and placed the shirt in the already overflowing basket, most would more than likely be worn by Dawn, bought under the pretence that Spike needed them. Spike felt like he wanted to spoil the kid, which was easy since it wasn't coming out of his pocket. "Guess you're gonna have to make more space in that stacked dresser of yours then." He was distracted from her squeal and hug when his eyes caught a glittery bit in the accessory section that Dawn was facing before. ~*~*~*~ "Oh, look there they are." Tara waved at Dawn who waved back. They all had good timing as they were heading at the same time towards the checkout. Tara grimaced. There was no way they were leaving early if they added up the three full baskets that the Dawn and Spike to the two she and Willow had filled. Tara had come to the store at this hour of the night because she needed to shop for particular items in a short time but that didn't seem likely now. Oh, well, it was fun to shop with Willow and Xander.She looked at Spike as he walked beside Dawn, grinning at her and making her laugh. He was really attractive as a woman, but she guessed that she would have recognized him even if Xander and Willow hadn't filled her in on the new predicament, as the female vampire still had the most prominent features Spike had before the curse. It was interesting to see that he held himself the same way in the unchanged attire. He still walked the same way demanding attention from everyone with the confidence of someone knowing that they were very attractive and they expected everyone to acknowledge that. And by the looks of the few people scattered in the store at this time of night, it was working. It was different with Xander. He had always been timid in the way he presented himself compared to other men, but still held himself with confidence. However, it was like all of that was sucked out of him when he changed sexes. He was more slumped into himself, unsure of anything - just not feeling comfortable in his new skin like Spike was. And if Tara knew them, and she thought she did, Spike had acted more positive to rile Xander even more. Tara opened her mouth as she turned her head to Willow to share her thoughts with her. Instead, she frowned when she noticed that her girlfriend's attention was on something else – or on someone else in particular. Tara didn't need to follow Willow’s gaze to know that she was looking at Spike. The vampire had exuded raw sexuality before Anya made him a female so much so that Tara could feel it. It wasn't surprising that as a woman, Willow would find him more striking. A side grin appeared on Tara's face. "Willow, what's so interesting?" she asked openly. "Are you looking at Spike? He is really pretty as a female, isn't he?" Willow froze and shook her head frantically. "Spike?" She chuckled hesitantly. "What are you talking about? Oh, look there he is with Dawn… I hadn't noticed. I was engrossed in that poster that he and Dawnie are walking in front of." She giggled lightly at Tara's mistake. "Yeah, that's it." She nodded, raising her head in proud self-assurance. "You're looking at 'Condoms 10%' off?" Tara blinked at a frozen Willow. "Is there something you need to tell me, Will?" When Willow actually read what the sign said, she flushed a bright shade of red and started apologizing, telling Tara how much she loved her and how she wouldn't look at anyone else, she promised! Tara felt sorry for playing that way with her girlfriend and hugged her as Dawn and Spike drew closer, telling her it was okay, she didn't blame her, that like she had said Spike was very good-looking and that she loved her too. Xander growled. It was like he wasn't even there. Tara now was all but writing her application to Chick Spike Appreciation Club. Spike and Dawn were laughing and obviously had a fun time, not like him, acting closer than they were the summer Buffy was--away. They were giggling and looking at him like they were 'girl friends' carrying so many clothes, he was going to be bankrupted. But 'oh wait' like Giles mentioned; that since it was 'technically' Xander's fault that he had angered Anya, causing all this mess in the first place, the least he could do was chip in to buy clothes for him and Spike. After all, the money he had saved for the Honeymoon was just 'sitting there'. Stupid not-tweedy-any-more-Giles. What a time to not be British! "Guess you're a girl at heart- eh, Spike?" Spike only raised an eyebrow. "That's weak, Harris, even for you." The checkout girl who was half way through their purchases by now heard the name Harris and asked Xander if he was related to 'Rebecca Harris'. Xander looked flustered as he paid her and took the receipt. Mumbling, he said he didn't know who she was talking about, yes, he would like paper, please, and sorry he couldn't stay and chat they had some girly movie to catch. He picked up one of the bags and rushed out to his car with the sounds of Spike and Dawn laughing following him out. His thoughts raged. Stupid Spike for making fun of him. Stupid Dawn for choosing to mock him with Spike. Stupid Willow for having the hots for Spike. Stupid Tara for agreeing that Spike was hot. Stupid Buffy and Giles for sending them here in the first place, bet they think Spike is hot too. Stupid everyone."Harris!" Spike called. "What?" Xander muttered gruffly, jerking open the car door. He exhaled wearily, turning his eyes Spike's way. "Catch." Spike threw a little shiny trinket at him. Xander caught it easily then gazed down at it. It was a bracelet, a nice looking one, not like he was an expert or anything. He looked up at Spike, confusion written all over his face. Spike shrugged. "Thought it'd look good on you." With that he placed the two bags he held in one arm in the trunk and helped the girls with rest. Not out of his kind-female-vampire-un-dead-heart, he had a soap he didn't want to miss. Xander blinked stupidly for few minutes, and then smiled shaking his head. He threw the bracelet on top of the dashboard and didn't say anything when Spike sat in the front seat with him as he pulled away from the market and headed back to the Summers' residence. His eyes would occasionally fall to the dashboard before snapping them up, worried that someone might notice, but unable to help stop the smile from growing. He caught himself doing that in the review mirror. He decided that he was really 'pretty' when he smiled.
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Post by sosa lola on Mar 19, 2010 7:28:23 GMT -5
Part Ten: Xander eyed Spike's extreme make up with horror as they walked the streets. What scared him was how hot Spike looked with the smoky eye shadow and the blood colored lip gloss. He'd spent less than fifteen minutes turning his face into this perfection before he grabbed Xander's arm and dragged him into the silent night. However, it wasn’t so silent since Xander wouldn’t stop complaining about how crazy the idea of them going to one of the most exclusive of the few clubs that Sunnydale had. Alone. In chick form. “I’m going home,” Xander said, and, yet, he kept walking alongside Spike. “Okay.” “I mean it this time.” Spike stubbed his cigarette on the corner wall they passed. “Sure you do.” “Ugh, I’m stopping. Look, my feet aren’t moving!” And he did stop. Right until Spike disappeared around the corner and Xander realized that he was alone in a dark street. On the Hellmouth. “Wait!” Five minutes later, Xander whined. “My feet hurt.” “You’re the one who decided to wear those.” “Make me taller,” Xander muttered. His memory flashed back to the reason of the painful footwear - a mere two hours ago. The worst forty-five minutes of his life. Giles had been smart enough to remain at the Magic Box on pretense that finding a cure for Xander and Spike was of the utmost importance. Buffy, on the other hand, apparently used her Slayer Speed to get from the shop to her house when Dawn had called her temporary work place and spoke those nightmarish words, “Fashion Show.” Xander had known then that the warning ringing in his head should be heeded. He needed to escape. He'd seen enough television to know what was going to happen – and they said T.V. was a poor reflection of life, so he really didn’t want to find out how bad it could get. Sadly, Tara was in the kitchen with Dawn fixing up refreshments when Xander heard Dawn speak to Buffy on the phone. However, the front door was wide clear. Xander cast an eye at the living room and saw Willow engrossed in conversation with Spike of all people. There was no time to lose. Spike was a casualty in war. He could not get to him, not that he even wanted to. Someone had to survive and Xander chose himself. Slinking towards the door in –if he had to say- really well-honed army techniques, he had his hand on the doorknob and his eyes made sure that the coast was clear before he opened the door silently. Biting his lower lip, he moved outside, back first, before slamming into an obstacle. An obstacle with tiny strong hands. “Hey, Xander.” “Buffy! Back… so quickly?” he squeaked as he turned around. “Took a shortcut.” Buffy grinned. Knowingly, she asked, “Going somewhere?” Xander gulped. “Um... who? Me? Nah. Stuffy,” he said, pointing his thumb at the house. “Needed some air.” Buffy gave him a knowing grin and crossed her arms. And that was when the terror began. The nightmarish night would forever be itched in his memory. They had him and Spike walk back and forth in the various clothes they bought. Spike, of course, hadn't been bothered. He had modeled those clothes like a pro, getting applauded left and right, and the mooning stares –mostly from Willow. He seemed to have great fun at the attention, forgetting completely that he should be as miserable as Xander in their joint predicament. Xander, however, hadn’t faired as well. He had scurried his way across the mock run way on high heels higher than Posh Spice's, and bruised his knee in the first fall, jabbed his elbow in the second, and his butt was still sore from the last. Needless to say, he was the butt of jokes and laughs throughout the humiliating fashion show. "Ouch!" Spike stopped and peered at him over his shoulder. "I think I bruised my other knee," Xander whimpered, looking at his torn jeans. "Stupid Posh Spice high heels." ~*~*~*~ There was a long line in front of the club entrance. It didn’t seem like it was moving. Xander flashed a wide grin at Spike. “Aww, guess our guy-turned-girl night out is a bust.” He faked a pout, then grinned again. “Why’s that?” Spike asked, nonchalant. “Look,” Xander said, pointing at the bulky bouncer. “No way can we get in. That-- is not letting anyone through.” Spike smirked. “Watch the master. Follow me.” Xander shook his head scornfully and followed. No way could Spike work his way out in this one. Xander was going to be treated with a nice sight of Spike humiliation. Finally, life was going to be on Chick Xander’s side. Unfortunately for Xander, life had its own plans in mind – and ‘his side’ was not in them. For no more than a minute later, he found himself blinking as he stared at the inside of the dark club. He turned to Spike whining, “How the hell did you do that?” Spike looked smug. “Called using your charm, mate.” He tilted his head, curiously. “You know what that is, right?” Xander looked back at the door, still not believing how the giant man had easily let both of them in. “Whoa, that never happened to me before,” Xander said, taken aback. “And I have a kick ass Slayer for a best friend.” “Well, now, ducks, you have kick ass body for a friend.” Xander knew he should have felt degraded. But, since he wasn’t really a woman, he beamed. “Thanks.” Then he noticed what the people who weren’t sitting on the few tables and at the bar were doing. “What are they doing?” he asked. “Dancing.” “That’s dancing?” Xander said, mouth gaping. It looked more like an unidentifiable mesh of bodies grinding against each other. Spike shook his head with a snort. “Been living under a square rock there, mate?” Xander was too shocked by the sight of two women rubbing their bodies together to be offended. “Stick with me, kid.” If Xander went on a limb, he would think that Spike was having fun on his expense. “And I’ll even show ya how to get some free booze.” “You’ve done this before?” He pointed up and down at Spike’s body. “When you didn’t look like this?” Spike raised an eyebrow. “For an effeminate man, you’re pretty blind, aren’t you?” He walked towards the dance floor and stood at the edge for a few seconds, looking impatiently at Xander. "Get your butt out here!" was barely heard over the blaring thumping music. Xander stumbled forwards. Standing before Spike, he looked a little nervous. "So… what first?" "Pretend I'm a chick." "You are!" Xander said confidently with a triumphant grin. Spike did not roll his eyes but he did purse his lips. "In your head, Harris. You still think of me as the hunk of vamp meat I was." Xander, on the other hand, did roll his eyes. Spike poked him lightly on the forehead. "Look into my eyes, poof. See the chit." Xander narrowed his eyes, looking into Spike's. He sighed a few moments later. "They're the same as they were. All blue and stuff." Spike let out a small warning growl. "Limp for brain, pretend I'm not Spike. I'm some female you met in a bar and want to shag." "We call them girls or women these last decades." "Hardy-har-har. Why bother." Spike started off but a hand stopped him. "No, wait, Spike." "What?" Spike hissed. Xander opened his mouth then closed it. "I don’t know." "Uggh. You know, Anyanka should've shrunk your penis and balls, seeing as how little you use them." Xander glared deadly at Spike. "I don't have a penis anymore. Don’t cha' think that's worse?" "You want me to teach you how to dance or not?" Xander's mouth flapped open. "Aaah, so that's what you wanted." He seemed to think for a moment, his eyes shifting to look at those still grinding, sweaty women. He shrugged all casual-like. "Sure." Spike heaved a sigh, knowingly. Xander let out a faint leer as he headed to the section of the dance floor closest to those women. "Excuse me," a voice stopped Xander short. He looked back and saw the source of the voice –a tall, blond man- leaning towards Spike. "I couldn't help but notice you standing here alone and thought to ask you for a dance." He flashed a wide white grin. Xander felt a giggle rise up in his throat and turned anticipating the great spectacle that was Spike thoroughly humiliating the man as he turned him down. "Okay." Xander's jaw dropped open. His mind was screaming, OKAY?! But he couldn't form the words out loud. Spike, noticing Xander's distress, turned with a bashful look on his pretty face. "Don’t worry, Xandra, this will only take a song." He threw a smile over his shoulder and turned with a flourish and a twist to his hips. As Spike walked away -hand in arm- and with the guy's voice floating to Xander, "Oh, you're British, that's so sexy…" Xander gritted his teeth. The jerk was having fun on his expense. ~*~*~*~ Twenty minutes later, Xander was sipping his light beer at the bar, watching Spike twist in the middle of four men to that seemingly eternal one song. He had strong suspicions that the DJ was in on it. Xander sighed into his drink and shook away the persistent voice that was hounding him to partake in one of those bubbly colorful fruity drinks that women drink now that he was one of them. Xander was strong in the face of this stereotype. Three seconds before Xander fell under the pressure of what he insisted was womanly hormones overtaking his brain and asked for a colorful bubbly, Spike flopped down with a tired laugh and a little stretch. Xander did not fail to notice how the bartender's eyes zeroed in on Spike's low cut burgundy top. He now was sure that he would not grace the perv bartender with ordering one of those surely expensive drinks. He finally snapped his own eyes from Spike's bust when a male voice asked for a dance. "Spike…" Xander waved at him to bring him to the attention of yet another suitor. "Xandra, it's rude to ignore someone when they're talking to you." Spike teased with a cute laugh. Xander barely spoke past "No one is…" when the voice next to him nearly made him jump. And it wasn't because his butt was numb from all the sitting. "Zandra, that's a pretty name." "Who…?" Xander turned his eyes from the olive green ones to encouraging blue ones. "Yeah, that's me. Mom thought she was a hippy." "So, you didn't answer my question." Olive grinned widely, showing a set of very clean and white teeth, much better than Tall Blond Accent Chaser Guy's. Xander fluttered his lashes. He turned a suspicious eye towards Spike when he suspected he heard a choked laughter but Spike was merely sipping what seemed like whiskey – busy distracting the bartender from his job. Xander threw his hair to the back. He remembered Cordelia doing that a lot. "I guess that's my song then." The guy flashed him another grin and helped him down from the stool. Xander cast a smug look Spike's way. "Save my seat, Wilma." He was mature enough not to stick out his tongue. Especially since he thought his guy looked twice as hot as all those four put together. ~*~*~*~ Xander giggled into his green apple bubbly drink. "Did you see me out there, Spike? I rocked the dance floor. And I didn't trip on my heels more than two times." That one time Olive caught him didn’t count. Spike nodded. "Yeah, you were a real dirty dancer." "And you better know it too." Xander sipped the cool drink confidently, really pleased with himself. He almost choked when he caught himself on the small mirror the woman next to him used when applying a coat of lip gloss. He looked like one of those girl next door chicks who felt overconfident when some guy said two words to them. How pathetic. He glanced at Spike, who gracefully drank another glass of something strong, sending bored stares toward Pervert Bartender. So many guys had asked him to dance, and he still acted blasé. Xander looked down at his drink, and then pushed it away. He turned his body to face the dance floor and mentally scowled at himself for acting like such a girl. A buffed up guy was walking toward him. Xander's eyes widened at the sight of scary tattoos coving his muscled upper arms and the thick beard accentuating his butch features. Was he going to ask him to dance? No, he'd say no this time. Enough with acting all girly like. He was still a man on the inside. Yep, he'd reject him, for no other reason but to save his manly ego. His eyes couldn't leave the skull shaped tattoo. He lifted his chin up and readied himself to let down the man easy. But the guy stood next to him, and yelled an order for a couple of beer glasses. Was he ordering one for Xander? Maybe he thought his looks wouldn't be enough to lure Xander, he'd have to buy his approval. However, when the orders were brought to him, he grabbed the first glass and drank it hungrily, then took the other one and gulped at it with happiness. Xander felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment before he realized that it was all in his head. No one noticed. The sounds of gulps stirred his bladder to life, and he turned towards Spike. He shut his mouth when Spike was engrossed with another flirting session with another cool dude that didn't look like a biker moonlighting as a wrestler. Xander frowned at himself. He wasn't about to ask Spike to tag along to the restroom, was he? That was what girls did, and Xander wasn't one. On the inside. The Ladies Room was so crowded with woman holding all manners of conversation like it was a reception area, Xander almost didn’t come in. That must have been the reason why girls didn't venture into this den without a companion. He looked at the lonely walls, wishing for a simple no delay urinal. Men had it way easier. After what felt like an hour in the over perfumed bathroom, Xander headed back to his seat, feeling like life was sucked out of him. He caught Olive chatting with Spike. Was he looking for Xander? He sighed. He had enough of this game; he really shouldn't lead the guy on. Besides, the guy didn’t even have the good manners to give him his name. Hurrying his steps, he stopped short when he heard the ridiculed laugh. "Aw, c'mon, I danced with your little friend. Now you need to keep your end of the deal." Something inside Xander snapped. He didn't need a mirror to know his face looked like someone just slapped him, hard. And not because one of the ‘ladies’ in the bathroom insisted he looked pale and needed a fresh coating of war paint. Spike looked Olive up and down, lips formed an attractive smile. “Did we shake on something? All I remember is me pointing out that you might find your jollies with my friend there.” Olive wasn’t deterred and tried his best flirting techniques – Xander had first hand account of how good they were, but Spike was the master of dismissals. He didn’t even pause with a particularly inventive one - not that Xander had a few minutes before. Xander broke out of his jumbled thoughts when he felt something pinch his ass. He was three steps closer to his destination before it actually hit him what happened. Deciding to use this new incident as fuel to his fire, he forged forward – smartly bypassing a frat boy with two jugs of beer without incident. Spike was a little startled when he noticed Xander standing near him, fuming with rage. "So, that was a pity dance?" Xander asked, tightening his fists. Unexpectedly, Spike's expression dissolved into a smirk. "You're welcome." If looks could burn, Spike’s head would have combusted into flames from Xander’s furious glare. "I don't need your pity. I can get a guy to notice me just fine." He stalked towards the dance floor. "Tad too early for that time of month, aint it?" Spike called at the rigid back, amusement in his voice. Xander turned around and gave him the finger – giving more sense to Dawn’s particular choice of ring finger. Barely taking in the impressed look on Spike’s face, he quickly disappeared into the mass of people.
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