Normal Again... Again: Buffy and Angel series fic

[pzajm]

Hey guys! I'm new to the forum, and here's something that I NEEDED to start writing... it's incomplete, and in exchange of new chapters, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE if you could tell me if you like it etc via replies. perrrrleeeease? I've had this fic up on fanfiction.net for a while now but have had NO reviews so far, so I don't think I'll be continuing it there . Anyways, here it is, I hope you enjoy it!

Normal Again... Again

AU - Buffy is adjusting to the whole Slayer world being a figment of her imagination, with her greatest loss being the love of her life. But even in a world where vampires, magic and Slayers don't exist, will Buffy find her way back to her Angel?

Disclaimer & A/N: I do not own any of the Buffyverse characters, because if I did...well, B/A would have never broken up
So I'm a big fan of AU fics where everyone is human and I ran out of good stories to read, so I decided to write my own! PLEASE review, it will make me so happy and give me the inspiration to keep writing The first couple of chapters will be nice and clean but expect it to get smutty as we go along... no under 18s please!
The story starts within the last few minutes of 'Normal Again', season 6 of BtVS. Everyone is human. Enjoy!

---------

Buffy slammed her head against the wall, repeatedly, in an agitated manner as Joyce looked at her daughter helplessly, tears stinging her eyes.

"Buffy? Buffy! Buffy, fight it. You're too good to give in - you can beat this thing. Be strong, baby, ok? I know you're afraid. I know the world feels like a hard place sometimes, but you've got people who love you." She finally let her tears flow as the words left her mouth. "Your dad and I, we have all the faith in the world in you. We'll always be with you."

Buffy looked at her mother, fighting back her own tears as the words started to sink in.

"You've got… a whole world of strength in your heart; I know you do. You just have to find it again…" Joyce whispered as she continued, "believe in yourself."

Sniffling, Buffy looked her mother in the eye as she spoke. "You're right," she gave a sad smile, "thank you."

…

It's been exactly six months since I got better. I'm no longer a schizophrenic but I'm pretty sure I would have been happier that way. Getting over that entire alternate universe has been the worst part, and the depression that came along with it was just as hard.

A twenty-two year old with no formal education or skills that I know of, I wander the streets most mornings, usually ending up at Starbuck's by lunchtime. So here I am, sipping a mocha latte, and skimming through the latest issue of Vogue; something that my sixteen-year-old self was very accustom to. But that was before. Before vampires - before Sunnydale - and before Angel. My Angel.

No. None of those things are real.

…

With a loud sigh, Buffy shut the copy of Vogue and tossed it on the table in front of her. On the seat next to her, she spotted a copy of the day's newspaper, and picked it up to have a skim through. "I think it's time for me to find my own place," she said to herself quietly, recalling a conversation she'd had with her father, that same morning.

"Buffy," Hank smiled at his only daughter as he poured her a glass of orange juice "can I talk to you?"

"Sure. What's up, Dad?" She asked as she took a seat at the breakfast table, accepting the glass of juice from him.

"Okay, well, I won't beat around the bush, honey. Your mother and I know how bored you are, living here with us… and who can blame you! You're our baby, but you're nearly twenty-three now, and you've done so well in the last six months recovering. We just wanted to let you know… you have a combined trust fund from your Grandfather and I, and in the last few years the interest it's collected has boomed. Now, you might not be ready, so this isn't an ultimatum or an order, I'm just letting you know that if you want it, the offer's there. Your mother and I thought that just as you're figuring out what to do with yourself, you may want to get a place of your own. Your trust fund actually has collected that much interest that, well, to put it bluntly – you could live for the next 10 years relying on that interest alone. Are you understanding this?"


Buffy's grip tightened around the glass as she listened to her father, really trying to absorb the words. She'd never really thought of her finances (or lack of, as she so thought) but this was just unreal. She didn't want to say it, but didn't know how else she could word the question.

"I'm rich?"


She smiled a little to herself as she thought about it. The first thing she wanted to do was donate some money to the clinic that treated her when she was ill, but seeing as the property section of the newspaper was right there…

"Screw it, I'm just gonna look. " She muttered to herself as she flicked through the paper. The truth was, as much as she loved her parents, she couldn't wait to gain her independence again. 'Again? No, Sunnydale wasn't real. The last time I acted independently was when I learned to use the potty.'

After half an hour of looking at properties in all of the one hundred and fourteen neighbourhoods in Los Angeles, she still hadn't found an apartment that really screamed "Buffy". Sighing, she put the newspaper down on the table and picked her mug up for a sip of the now cold coffee. Just as she was lifting it to her lips, her eyes widened as she spotted something on the paper she had just put down. Buffy quickly set the mug back down on the table and took a proper look at the property.

"#214 Canoga Park, California 91304. That's in West Valley…" She said aloud. "Completely remodelled two bathroom and two bedroom condo…$175,000. Not bad." Grinning to herself, she dialled the realtor's number.

…

"Hey mom," she said to Joyce over the phone twenty minutes later. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to have a look at an apartment I'm interested in…"

"Oh Buffy, so you don't think it's too soon for you?" Joyce asked

"No! Oh, no of course not! I don't want you or dad to think that your suggestion offended me, okay? You're right, I really want to start my life on my own."

"I'm so glad to hear that honey," Buffy smiled at Joyce's response. "I'll let you get to that appointment then, good luck!"

…

As she stepped into the newly remodelled condo, Buffy couldn't help but grin. It was simple yet elegant-looking, even in it's furniture-less form. She couldn't help but think that it 'was so her'.

"Would you like to see the balcony, Miss Summers?" Anne, the real estate agent asked the amazed young lady.

"Oh," Buffy smiled as she turned to look at Anne "yes, please! I didn't know there was a balcony too. This place really has it all, doesn't it?"

"It most certainly does. This way," Anne directed as she stepped out onto the balcony.

"Oh my, the view is just… it's beautiful," she remarked, astonished by the view of the pool and the rest of the lovely neighbourhood. Going back in to the apartment, she twirled a little, taking in the entire apartment before stopping to look at Anne in all seriousness. "So, where do I sign?"

…

"Thanks so much for helping me move Daddy, I wouldn't have minded if you'd just hired movers to do it for me!" Buffy hugged Hank tightly as they stood in the middle of her new apartment, now accessorised with boxes crammed with Buffy's belongings.

"Sweetie, you know that's not how we do things. I wanted to help!" Hank beamed at his daughter. This was what she wanted, and it elated him to see her happy… even if that meant her living half an hour away from the family home in Silver Lake. "Are you gonna come to the car and get the last box? I've got to dash off if I plan on being on time for dinner!" He exclaimed at the realisation of what time it was as he looked at his watch.

Breaking the embrace, Buffy lead him out of the apartment and down the elevator that lead to the car park. She grabbed her last box of things from Hank's car and waved goodbye as he drove out of the block. She stood there for about a full minute, not quite knowing what to do next.

"I guess this is the part where I… go back to my apartment." She stated. As happy as she was to finally have her own space, she couldn't help feeling a little bit of sadness seeing her dad leave for the place that was no longer, truly, her home.

She sighed as she padded her way back up to her new home. As the elevator doors began to shut, she heard the voice of a man shouting for her to "hold the doors open!", which she repeatedly jabbed the "door open" button to do so. As he ran into the elevator, she didn't get a glimpse of his face as he was slumped against the wall, with his head down, panting for breath. She couldn't help but take in every inch of him with her eyes, noticing that he was wearing black jeans with smart shoes, and a black shirt that clung to him in just all the right places. His hair was dark brown and spiked with the slightest bit of hair product. He seemed so familiar for a stranger. He then stretched one of his long, muscular arms out to press the button for the third floor, a movement so sudden that it broke Buffy out of her reverie.

"Thanks for holding the door open," Buffy's belly did a flop and she felt as though she had been paralysed when she heard him speak properly. No, no, no, no, no.

At that very moment, he regained his breath and looked up at her with his chocolate brown eyes that made her weak at the knees , holding his hand out to shake hers. "You must be new in the building. I'm Liam,"

And then everything went black.

[pzajm]

"Where am I?" Liam heard the girl whisper. He half-sprinted from his place in the kitchen to his couch where he had placed her after she passed out in the elevator. Unsure of which apartment was hers, he figured it was safest to keep an eye on her in his apartment until she gained consciousness.

"You're safe," he told her in a soothing tone, as he kneeled beside the couch. For some reason, although he'd just met the girl, he felt an overwhelming desire to protect her. She blinked hard and opened her eyes to meet his pools of dark chocolate, which she just wanted to drown in. Snapping out of her second reverie, she bolted upright and backed up away from him as far as she possibly could.

'No, no, no, no, no. I can't relapse now. I can't, I can't go back there. I've done so well! I just want to be normal again.'

"Whoa! Are you okay?", He asked, now worried that he had frightened her "I'm not gonna hurt you, I promise." At the sight of the girl relaxing a little, he continued, "I'm Liam, we met earlier. You're in my apartment, I think we live on the same floor. I'm not sure which one you live in exactly, so I brought you here after you blacked out in the elevator. Are you alright?"

I can't tell him, he'll think I'm completely nuts!

She smiled faintly at him in reassurance that he hadn't done anything to scare her. "Liam", she said softly. He thought the way she said his name flowed so easily, as though it was so natural to her. It made him feel slightly warm just thinking about the way she said it again. "I'm Buffy." She sat up, now face-to-face with Liam. "I just moved into the building, but you already know that. I'm sorry about… passing out on you. Low blood sugar." She lied. But all the while, she couldn't take her eyes off him. She took in every detail of his features, wanting to just reach out and cup his face and kiss him with all the might she could, so badly.

'Buffy. She's so beautiful… and so familiar. Do I know her? I can't know her, I've only just met her! She looks quite a bit younger than me so I can't know her from school…'

At the lack of his response, Buffy lifted herself off the couch, keeping herself steady. "Well I guess I'd better get going…"

"Uh, yeah. Of course, sorry." Liam stood himself up and looked her in the eyes. "May I walk you to your apartment?" 'There it is again, that weird feeling I got earlier… the need to protect her.'

Buffy smiled sheepishly at him without realising as she blushed a little. "Well aren't you a gentleman? I'd like that."

…

That night, Buffy laid in bed for what felt like hours, trying to get to sleep. All she could think about were his soft-looking lips, his big brown eyes that were filled with warmth and his muscular, toned body. Thinking about him made her feel like a 14 year old girl with a crush; her belly was filled with butterflies that warmed her yet made her want to puke her guts up from anxiety of ever seeing him again. And of course the chances of seeing him again were very large, considering they lived in the same building, on the same floor. Tossing and turning, she looked at the bright red glow of the digits on her alarm clock every time: 00:30, 00:35, 00:40… and it went on for hours.

….

Deciding she couldn't sit around doing nothing forever, the next morning Buffy decided to do some shopping, with a side of possibly looking for a job. As she waited for the elevator, she felt a familiar presence approaching. Looking towards Liam's apartment, sure enough, there he was – in what Buffy recognized couldn't be anything but a designer business suit, dark grey, with a dark blue silk shirt – its collar button unfastened, was Liam walking right towards her with a leather briefcase in hand. She gave him a small smile as he came nearer, wondering what his occupation might be. Living in a luxury building, she didn't think he'd be anything less than a company executive.

"We've gotta stop meeting like this," he grinned at her as he assumed a stance next to her. Buffy couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"I know, I might get used to these elevator meetings. " She said quietly. They entered the elevator in silence, although, not the awkward sort.

"So what are you up to today?" He asked, sounding sincerely interested. Hoping she wouldn't notice, he gave her a quick glance over – she was wearing a pair of tight black jeans that accentuated her curves – especially her ass, which he paid a particular interest in – a simple white vest and a light denim jacket. Her soft curls were in a slightly messed ponytail which flattered her face. Beautiful.

"I'm just heading to Santa Monica to do some shopping… could you tell me where the bus stop is please? Every time I've been here I've either got a ride or a cab," she asked politely.

"I work in Santa Monica, would you like a ride?" Liam asked. Anything to spend as much time with her as possible. I want to get to know her…

Buffy bit her lip as she was tempted by the offer. Smiling up at him, she nodded. "Sure. I'd like that very much," And the two exited the elevator on the car park level, with Liam leading the way towards his car. Upon arriving at the maroon-coloured vehicle, Buffy let out a wolf whistle. "2004 Rolls Royce Phantom…you must be doing well for yourself," she winked playfully. Liam chuckled as he unlocked the doors and motioned for her to get in. Buffy strapped herself in as he started the engine, which she didn't even notice had been started as it was so quiet.

"So, what do you do, Buffy?" He asked as he drove, glancing at her slightly, and move that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde.

"Well," she felt herself blush "at the moment, I'm useless. I…" How do I say this? "…went away for a while and didn't go to college, or even, finish high school for that matter…but I'm thinking of starting my own business. How about you? Flashy business executive?"

He smiled at her reassuringly, figuring it was a touchy subject for her. "I'm a senior partner and owner of a law firm, Wolfram & Hart, but I mostly take on social services cases." He said simply, trying his hardest not to sound conceited.

"Wow," Buffy said. "all that power and you take on the cases that don't pay? You must be an Angel or something…" 'Did I seriously just say that?'

Liam chuckled as the vehicle slowed down to stop at a red light. Looking at her, he smiled. "I like to think that I'm giving something back… I promised myself a while ago that I didn't want to be one of those attorneys who did a job they hated just for the cash flow – it's not who I am. And I'm happy with what I've got." 'And I'll be even happier with you in my life… If you give me the chance.' He thought to himself. He didn't know what had come over him – one day of knowing this woman, and everything that he never thought he'd feel came gushing along with her. "Well, we're in Santa Monica. Shall I drop you off here?," He motioned towards a Starbuck's.

"Sure," she agreed "thank you so much for the ride, Liam, I owe you one. Again." Buffy smiled as she reached to undo the seat belt, and then opened the door to exit the car.

"Buffy," Liam said before she shut the door. At her questioning look, he continued "how about… you meet me for lunch later, and we'll call it even?"

Surprised at his request, Buffy shyly tucked a tuft of hair back behind her ear. "Sure…"

Once more, Liam grinned at her. He reached into his inside pocket and handed her a card and a pen. "May I uh… have your number? Uh, you know to… uh… arrange where and when we can have lunch."

"Of course you may," she returned his grin as she jotted down her cell phone number on the back of the card, and returning it to him. She shut the car door and headed off into the Starbuck's, looking back and smiling widely as Liam drove away.

[pzajm]

"Well… does she know?" Liam was asked by the figure with an English accent waiting at his desk. He made his way towards said desk, setting his briefcase on the floor beside it and laying his mail on the desk itself after having lightly skimmed over it. Eyes pressed tightly shut, he slumped down onto the large leather office chair and rested his elbows on the surface of his prized mahogany desk, massaging his temples lightly. Opening his eyes, his gaze set on the person in front of him.

"No," he sighed "she doesn't know. She's confused and broken as it is, she doesn't need to know what's going on… not yet, anyway. I'm here to help her, Wes."

Wesley sighed and shook his head, leaning forward. "What if she is beyond help? What if she doesn't WANT to be helped?" He said, trying to muster a hushed tone, and failing miserably.

"The only DAMNED reason why I am here is to help HER!" Liam roared at the ex-Watcher, startling him. Realising this, Liam calmed himself as he spoke again "I appreciate your concern Wesley, it has been noted. But you know the only reason why I came to this alternate dimension is to save her."

"Yes," Wesley responded, nodding lightly. "And you know that she may very well be beyond saving; I am merely reminding you of this."

"I don't need to be reminded." Liam responded quietly, signifying the end of the conversation. With a curt nod, Wesley left the office, leaving the boss with his thoughts.

Opening the top left drawer of his desk, Liam retrieved a framed photo, observing it for what seemed like a lifetime. The subject of the image was a petite girl with shoulder-length blonde hair, bright-eyed and healthily plump. 'I ruined her. Ever since I left, she'd gotten so thin and her eyes had gotten so … empty. I ruined her.'

After putting the photograph away, Liam picked up the receiver of his telephone and dialled one of the speed dial numbers. After hearing the call ring on the other end about six times, he was about to hang up, when a familiar voice answered.

"Hello?"

"It's me." Liam stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh. Uh-uh, hey! Uh, how are things over there?" The voice asked.

"Getting there. How is she?"

"The same," the voice responded, suddenly sounding more monotonous "they still think she'll never come back. They keep saying she's 'gone'."

Liam gave a slight cross between a grunt and a growl at the response. "How's Dawn holding up? Is she going to school everyday? Is she eating? Does she talk to boys?"

The voice let out a slight chuckle laced with a sad undertone. "She's as well as she can be right now, I guess. And yes surprisingly, her grades aren't suffering. Her appetite is fine. Stop worrying, Tara and I have it all under control – I promise."

"Thank you, Willow… take care. Send everyone my regards."

"I will," Willow said sincerely just before Liam heard the dial tone commence.

'I just have to convince her that this isn't where she belongs.' Liam told himself one last time before heading off to his first meeting of the morning.

…

As one o'clock came closer and closer, Buffy started getting bored of shopping. Nearly four hours and six mocha lattes later, she had spent more than she probably should have on things she would never wear… or at least, lingerie that she'd never be seen in. 'I told myself I'd get some CLOTHES…new lingerie isn't going to make Liam want me, seeing as he's going to want me first to see them, right? Right,'

Everything was so confusing for Buffy. Here she was six months into her recovery and…BOOM! In walks Mr. Salty Goodness himself, a figment of her schizophrenic imagination – in the flesh, warm and with a heartbeat – something she'd never thought she'd ever see in her lifetime. Of course, as she kept reminding herself, that was all her imagination. Falling in love with a vampire. Making love to a vampire. Killing said vampire. Being with that vampire. Being dumped by the very same vampire. Being comforted at her mom's funeral (which obviously never happened, either) by him. Going to see him halfway between Sunnydale (which ALSO didn't exist) and L.A. when he found out she was alive ('I never died. It's. All. In. My. Head.')

Just as she shook herself out of her thoughts, her cell phone began to ring, making her jump slightly. Stopping to look at the passers-by who were giving her strange looks for a split second, she dug through her hand bag, looking for the piece of technology responsible. "Hello?"

"Hey, Buffy…uh, are you still free for lunch? I mean, that is, only if you still want to have lunch with me…" Liam said.

She couldn't help but laugh quietly at his hesitation – very much unlike her Angel. "Of course, I would love that Liam. When and where?"

"How about… La Botte? In about twenty minutes?"

"Great," Buffy grinned inwardly "I love Italian food, and I'm right around the corner from there now. I'll go grab us a table."

'You always have loved Italian food,' Liam thought to himself. "Good," He said aloud "I'll see you very soon, then."

"See you soon," Buffy concluded. After putting her phone back into her bag, she made her way towards the restaurant, and couldn't help but feel extremely nervous about seeing him again. 'Twice in four hours,' She told herself 'aren't I lucky?'

…

"Is that all you're having?" Liam asked in shock after he and Buffy had ordered their lunch.

She bit her bottom lip in slight embarrassment, shrugging. "I've never really been a fan of… uh, food? Although there are some exceptions…"

"Like what?" He asked again in an intrigued manner.

"Ice cream. Cookie dough fudge mint chip, that's the only flavour of ice cream to ever grace my taste buds. And peanut butter and chocolate. I'm all about the junk, I guess!" She laughed. Suddenly, she winced as a sharp pain hit her in the head like a truck, bringing her hands up to hold it as images flooded her mind.

"Peanut butter, preferably crunchy!" Buffy heard herself yell. Looking down, she saw herself in a silk black robe, sitting on a bed.
"I got it." She heard Angel yell back. His arms piled with food, he made his way back to the bedroom with some strategically placed items - all that were preserving his dignity. He dumped the stuff on the bed and slipped under the sheets beside Buffy.
"The perfect yum." She said as Angel fed her a spoonful of ice cream, "Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge."
"God, I love food." He told her. She picked up a chocolate waffle, spooning some ice cream onto it, and sent it in the direction of his mouth.
"Food is good." She kissed him.
"Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?" Angel asked, feigning hurt in the undertone of his statement.
"Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it, then it would only hurt you, you know?" Buffy smiled "By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart."
"Too much." He agreed, as she leaned over to kiss him, with Angel forgetting about the ice-cream laden spoon he held. "Okay, mortal coordination leaving something to be desired."
"Wrong. It's just right."
Angel laughed as she licked up the ice cream from his chest, then pulled her down into a kiss.

"Buffy? Buffy!" She heard Liam say, concerned, as she looked around the restaurant in a daze, not quite sure where those images had just come from. Blinking hard, she turned to look at him.

"Liam, I… I'm sorry, I don't feel very well. Uh…"

"It's okay, would you like me to take you home?" He asked her, still sounding extremely concerned.

"Would that be okay? I mean, if you want to stay and have your lunch, or go back to work, I can get a cab…" She rambled, feeling guilty. She didn't want Liam to think she was a complete jerk, or making up not feeling well to skip out on their lunch 'thing'.

"Don't be ridiculous Buffy…" He looked at her seriously "I know that we only met yesterday, but… I also know that you're new around our neighborhood…I need to make sure you're okay."

"Thank you," She said as she gave him a sad smile.

…

As her eyes fluttered open, she realized the last thing she remembered was getting into the car with Liam. Looking around the slightly dimmed room, she noticed, that it was in fact her bedroom. After rolling over to the right, she saw that her alarm clock read 7:12pm. 'I must have fallen asleep on the way home," she thought. Buffy crawled out of the bed, and as she was leaving the room, she realized that she was alone in the apartment. She then figured that hoping Liam would have stayed with her the entire time she had been asleep was simply ridiculous. 'He probably refers to me as ''that crazy chick down the hall'' now'.

"I should go apologise to him," she muttered to herself as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Without bothering to even put her shoes on, she opened her front door and walked out into the hallway with her feet covered in Mr. Gordo socks, two doors down, knocking on the door of the apartment christened "3E".

After several moments, she heard the lock on the other side of the door being fumbled with, and the door opened to reveal Liam – clad only in black sweat pants. "Hey," he smiled at her. "feeling better?"

"Much better," she croaked, not being able to take her eyes off his perfectly contoured abdomen and chest. She cleared her throat and ran her hand through her hair, smiling. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, for ruining our lunch thing today…and uh, thank you. For bringing me home."

"It's no problem, really" Liam assured her as he leaned against the door, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

"An- Liam, will you stay with me? For tonight? Please?" She pleaded, almost begged. She really hadn't intended on asking him. Out loud.

"Uh…" he looked at her, frowning slightly. "…sure."

…

"Hold me?" Buffy asked. Liam leaned back and wrapped his right arm around her, loving the way she fit next to him so perfectly. 'This is how it was always supposed to be.' "Thank you," she whispered. "Do you think I'm weird?"

He couldn't hold back his laughter at her question. "Weird? No. Why?"

"Because I've known you a little over a day and I asked you to stay with me. Do you think I'm a huge slut?"

Laughing again, he moved down so that his eyes were parallel to hers. "All I know is that I feel like I've known you my entire life." He told her.

Re-assuming her previous position, Buffy sighed in contentment. As strange as it sounded, she knew he was right. He was exactly like him, in mind, body, and soul. Every inch of him screamed 'Angel'. From his laughter, to his soothing reassurances, there wasn't one thing about Liam that didn't remind her of him.

"Liam?" She asked sleepily, nuzzling her face against his chest and the faint sound of his heart beat. Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

"Hmm?" He questioned, enjoying the feel of her warmth against his. It was too perfect – some might describe it as complete and utter contentment.

"Do you snore?"

He thought carefully before answering her. "I don't know. It's been a long time since anybody's been in a position to let me know."

Once again, the pain hit her as though she had just been standing in oncoming traffic.

"You even look pretty when you go to sleep," Angel remarked.

" Well, when I wake up it's an entirely different story." Buffy assured him, laughing slightly. The two walked over to her bed, where she then handed him a comforter. "Here. Sleep tight."

He laid the comforter down on the floor next to her bed, laying on it as she climbed under the covers.

"Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you snore?"

"I don't know. It's been a long time since anybody's been in a position to let me know."

He turned his head to look at her. She smiled and settled in to sleep.

[pzajm]

***A/N*** WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT FOR THE INNOCENT! For the mature-minded, or over 18s only

'August 30th 2002

Journal,
this is the first time I've written in this since I was sixteen… before I went away. The cliff notes version? Buffy went all psycho alternative reality gal for six years and now she's back, confused as ever. I'm not sure why I decided to start speaking in the third person, it sounded way better in my head. So I've spent six months getting better after they …released… me from the clinic. The key term here being 'released'. Any who, those six years before I got out of the clinic… well, they were a mix of shock, contentment, passion, anger, guilt, anguish and utter turmoil, all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it. But that was all I knew. That's just the way it was, and I prayed, and prayed, that things would get better. I didn't expect 'better' to turn into me realising I was in a psychiatric ward making up a whole other life. There are still a few things I can't understand. The doctors told me that I made up being a slayer because I felt as though I wasn't important, and I wasn't in control of things – which is why I made myself a hero. The thing I don't understand is; why would my ideal alternate universe include mom and dad not being together? Moving away from my entire life in L.A? Why would my ideal life include mom having a brain tumour, and then dying from a brain haemorrhage? Why would I have wanted to die, be ripped out of heaven and be bankrupt? It felt too real and I can't make any sense of it all…sometimes I feel like I'm on autopilot. Like I'm not really here; I'm not really anywhere. I'm not complaining, I have a fantastic life right now. Too fantastic…

I was fine for six months until he showed up. I know it's not really him but, seriously. It's like someone built an Angel bot; not forgetting to include all his annoying gorgeousness. I haven't told him anything, it would just freak him out. "Hey Liam, would you happen to be a robotic clone of an almost three hundred year old vampire that I whisked up, with my over-active schizophrenia, called Angel? …Oh, you're leaving so soon?" I'm pretty sure that's how that conversation would go.

I know this sounds really weird but… I can't get close to Liam. No, can't isn't the right word… I don't want to. As much of a figment of my imagination Angel is… was… I feel like I'd be betraying him. I'm the psychotic girl who's in love with someone who lives in my cerebrum.

But since I've been around Liam, I think I have had a few relapses. It feels like I've suddenly "remembered" these new memories, and they all come crashing down on me like a ton of bricks (or that's what it feels like on my head anyway), 'memories' that happened when I wasn't right. But there was one 'memory', that I don't even remember conjuring in my Buffyverse, as I've decided to call it, referring to it as 'alternative universe' all the time is getting tiresome. Speaking of tiresome, I'm sleepy. I should have said tired, that would have sounded better. I'll bear that in mind.

Until the next time I have to rant,
B.'

Buffy shut her journal and tucked it into the drawer of her bedside table. She cringed inwardly, thinking about the previous night's occurrences. She had gained another 'memory', and this one was just as hard to conceal as the others. Liam held her close as he realised she was having another one of the 'attacks' that she had experienced earlier in the day.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked her when she had stopped wincing. He felt her silently shaking her head 'no' against his arm. "That's okay," he continued "I'm just… I'm just glad that I'm here."

"Thank you," Buffy whispered as a tear that she had been fighting so hard to hold escaped, leaving a vertical trail along her cheek. Quietly sniffling, she prayed he wouldn't notice.

"He's going to think I'm a complete psycho!" she told herself as she thought about it for the millionth time that day. In all honesty, waking up next to him that morning had been completely awkward – neither had known what to say to each other apart from 'good morning'. She couldn't even remember what triggered him going back to his apartment. It shouldn't have been awkward; it wasn't as though they had just had a one-night stand – she just couldn't face the thought of him thinking she was completely and utterly berserk. Sighing, Buffy looked at the alarm clock, reading 21:30. 'It's a bit early, but I haven't got anything better to do…' she thought as she decided to get under the covers and try to curse herself silly into a slumber. That said, she heard a knock at her front door.

Releasing an exasperated sigh, she climbed back out from under the covers and padded into the entrance to look through the peep hole – sure enough – to see Liam.

"Fuck," she whispered as she quickly smoothed out her hair. She partially stood behind the door as she opened it, looking at Liam timidly.

"Buffy!" He exclaimed, half expecting her not to be home. "I uh… didn't see you around. Are you alright?"

"It's been a day," not realising the icy tone that had escaped unintentionally.

'God she is so beautiful…although I'm sure she seems to get thinner by the day,' Liam thought. "Yeah," he ran his fingers through his hair awkwardly as he half glanced her over. She was wearing a black satin spaghetti-strap chemise which, he noticed even from being face-to-face with her, barely covered the glorious curve of her ass. With the 'dipped' neckline detailed in lace, he quickly darted his tongue out to wet his lips as he tried not to stare at the outline of her firm, round breasts. "uh, after this morning I…umm…"

"It was weird," Buffy clarified for him. "I know." She hesitated, not wanting him to think she was being rude or that she was trying to brush him off. "Do you wanna come in? For some coffee or something? And talk?"

"Sure," Liam smiled. He slowly entered the apartment as she moved aside as a motion to come in, stopping to wait for her to shut the door.

"Do you take cream and sugar?" She asked, making her way to the kitchen. Looking around, Liam noticed that she had hung up a few framed photographs; something she must have done while she had been avoiding him today. There were none that looked as though they were recent, or even taken within the last five years or so – and he knew why.

"Please," he nodded, watching her pour the coffee from a pot on her coffee machine into two cups, adding cream and sugar to both – a triple helping of both to her cup, it seemed. "So…" he started again, accepting the cup of coffee from Buffy.

"I'm sorry," she interrupted him before taking a sip from her cup. "I don't know why it's so awkward," she lied. Of course I know. I just need him to not know that I'm… not well. "I don't want it to be. You're a good guy,"

"I'm sensing that there's a 'but' coming right up here," Liam laughed slightly anxiously, not taking his eyes off her.

She merely gave him a sad smile in response. There was no need for words, she thought. 'He understands. There's no need to say anything else.'

"I'm sorry Buffy," he set his cup of coffee down on the counter, continuing "but I just can't accept that. I'm a good guy, but… what? You're a beautiful girl with a tendency to murder kittens? I can deal with that," He laughed.

Buffy couldn't help but laugh at that, too. 'Angel used to pun and throw his wit at me'. "No… no. I don't murder kittens," she shook her head, still stifling laughter. In all seriousness, she put her cup down and looked into his eyes. 'His deep, dark, pools of chocolaty goodness…' "You think I'm beautiful?" She asked as she inched closer towards him, now standing dangerously close. Pelvises about two inches apart close.

As he looked down at her, he saw the emptiness in her eyes that changed to hope when she looked into his. "You're a Goddess, Buffy…" He whispered, cupping her face with his warm hands…closer…closer…She felt a tingle of electricity surge through her as she took in a sharp breath in disbelief of how close they were physically getting. She wanted so badly to just kiss him. Just kiss me, please.

At that very moment, she felt his lips caress hers, warm and soft – she felt his breath, growing more rapid with every tug of their lips. No, this is nothing like kissing my Angel. But one thing was for sure – she hadn't felt as safe as she did now, since she had 'been' with Angel in her Buffyverse. But none of that was real. This is.

Somehow, they had managed to move from the kitchen to the couch without even moving their lips away from one another. Easing Buffy on to the couch, he grinned against her soft, supple lips as her legs automatically wrapped themselves around his hips, securing his position. Parting to breathe as much as possible, a thought struck Buffy. 'Oh. Fuck. Angel wasn't real. None of them were real… so that means I… I haven't… fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Double fuck. FUCK! I can't tell him, I don't want him to stop…' She bit her bottom lip as she was taken out from her own thoughts by Liam taking his vest and sweat pants off, with nothing but a pair of black silk Calvin Klein boxers depriving Buffy of his (very well endowed, from what she could see) manhood. She let out a small cry, letting him know of her need for him. He leaned closer towards her once more, pressing his lips against hers more deeply now, filled with more want, as he slid her chemise off with ease, exposing her breasts and her erect, rosy nipples. Catching one of them between his lips, Buffy moaned in delight as he sucked and teased it, grazing it with his teeth. I need more. Cupping his tight, muscular ass, she squeezed slightly before moving to latch her thumbs on the insides of his boxers on either side of his hips. Liam let out a small desire-driven growl as she pulled the material down completely exposing his now free cock. Oh my Goddess, she breathed, once again biting down on her bottom lip. Now that he had her attention, he removed her French lace panties in an almost painfully slow motion, with the intention of teasing her.

"Liam…" she sighed, running her fingers through his hair as he moved his way up her legs, arriving at his destination to take in the scent of her dripping wet core. 'I never thought anybody could want me so much,' Liam thought to himself, regarding her arousal. Now both fully naked, Buffy once again wrapped her legs around his hips, her wetness grazing his stiff cock as she went along, earning herself another desire-driven growl that erupted from his throat. He trailed kisses all along her neck and the valley of her breasts, not missing out even an inch of her.

"Buffy," he said, looking at her questioningly "are you sure?"

"Yes," she nipped his bottom lip "please… I need you." She almost whined, tightening her grip around his hips with her thighs.

"Not here, baby," he responded to her tightening grip by cupping her ass, carrying her into the bedroom. He gently laid her on the bed, keeping his position between her legs. Now kneeling, he grabbed her wrists in each of his hands, pinning them above her and trailing kisses down her arms, all the way to her breasts – flicking his tongue around one of her taut nipples, and in turn, tracing circles around the other.

"Liam… I'm gonna explode! I want you,"

"Patience, lover…" He teased as he continued to torture her, licking every inch of skin he could find in front of him. Deciding he was done teasing, he made his way back up to her, looking into her eyes to see the lust and adoration glowing in them. Pulling her legs around him once more, he teased her for the last time with the tip of his cock against her clit, before slowly entering her warmth with a hiss. Both Buffy and Liam moaned in ecstasy, feeling as though they would climax in that one motion – her wet pussy was so hot and tight around his cock, he didn't ever want to leave.

Feeling a sharp pain as he thrust deeper into her core, she knew her barrier had been broken – this time, for real. She bit her lip and dug her nails into his back as tears sprung, easing her mind of the pain. As he realised what he had just done, Liam took a harsh breath, in two minds about whether or not to carry on and looked back into Buffy's eyes. "Buffy, I didn't kn-"

"Shh," She interrupted, thrusting her hips upwards to fully sheath him back inside her, moaning at the contact "it's okay… please… don't stop," she pleaded, continuing to thrust her hips. Giving in to her pleading, he placed his hands back on her thighs and lifted them up, over his shoulders, grinning. He then retracted his cock out of her heat, only to thrust into her harder than before, copying the rhythm of her hips. Skin against skin, she felt a warmth move from her toes, through her legs, moving further and further up, and she knew she was close. Tightening her grip around his hips, she urged him to go harder – deeper, but he would not comply.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered through pants, hissing with every thrust – her tightness was enough to send him over the edge.

"Liam," she moaned, running her hands through her hair now, throwing her head back as she felt her climax draw closer and closer. "Oh, Liam, Liam… Liam!" She screamed, allowing the pure ecstasy to finally possess her, calling his name out with every thrust – something that made Liam unable to keep control anymore. With the next three thrusts, they clung to each other as waves of bliss over took their bodies, beads of sweat falling and Buffy's screams echoing throughout the apartment. Liam kissed her hard as he released his hot seed inside her, with her core clenching and unclenching around his cock, almost milking him. Breathing heavily, he broke their connection and collapsed beside her, a look of absolute contentment spread across his 'annoyingly gorgeous' features. Inching closer towards her (if it was possible), he wrapped his arms around her, kissing her dampened forehead.

"Wow," they both breathed in unison.