Was Willow and Tara's relationship healthy?

[tkts]

This one is midwesternwatcher's fault.

Willow and Tara. Was their relationship a healthy one?

There are definitely signs of Willow being far too emotionally dependent on Tara, while simultaneously feeling an unhealthy need to control her. Yet, at the same time, I think that reflects more on Willow's own issues than on the relationship. The relationship would definitely have turned the corner into unhealthy territory if Tara had been willing to enable her, but to Tara's credit, she stood up and did what was right for both of them, even though it was hard.

I also think that each of them influenced the other in positive ways. But then, Willow didn't relate to Oz in as unhealthy a way as she started to relate to Tara. Does that mean Tara somehow brought out negative sides to Willow that previously were hidden, or was it coincidence?

[midwesternwatcher]

Hi. I'm back, after three months on the road.

When I found this topic, passing my mouse over it, a bubble appeared that said "this one is definitely midwesternwatcher's fault." How did that happen?

It's true, I've never met another fan who took as dark a view of Willow as I do. Most of us seem willing to blame "too much magic" for all her problems and mistakes. I'm not.

I don't have any canned answers. I can talk around it, and maybe something good will come of what I say, but don't hold me to what I say. I might change my mind.

I suspect Willow has a very old injury that never healed, maybe relating to her mother, or even her father, who both seem to be emotionally absent. Xander gives no sign of ever being aware of it, so far as I can recall, nor does Buffy; both of them are curiously naive about that kind of thing. To reflect on somebody else's problems would be too much like passing judgment. I suspect Faith had some understanding of it, though.

Willow too emotionally dependent? Yes, I feel that. If she wasn't dependent on Oz in the same way, maybe that was because Oz never comforted Willow in the same way that Tara did. Tara had the right medicine to reach Willow's deepest pain. Oz soothed some of Willow's hurts, but not the one that hurt the worst.

After Tara dies, Willow must know that her friends are still with her, and that she could, someday, find another romantic relationship. But she fears that no one else could ever give her what Tara did.

Willow wants to be needed, and is afraid of not being needed. Remember what was in her head in "Earshot?" Perhaps Tara needed her, in just the way she wanted to be needed? (if that sentence isn't too convoluted ...)

Thanks for asking the question. I'll be checking this topic. I want to hear what other people say, and I'll add more if I think of something.

[Skytteflickan88]

I can't disagree with either of you, even tough it makes me sad. Willow & Tara had a wonderful relationship, but healthy isn't how I would describe it.

Willow had issues, and that made their relationship unhealthy. Willow had some emotional growth to do before she entered into a relationship like that, one that is so strong because of the lovers' feelings for each other. Maybe I'm confusing needyness with love, but those seemed to be soulmates, if there is such a thing. Best friends and lovers, who shared a lot in common.

To enter into something like that, something so consumming, I think you'd have to be able to take a step back to evaluate yourself and your relationship, to keep sane, but Willow never seemed to be able to do that. Tara could, and wouldn't let herself get destroyed by their love. Kind of suprising, that she would be the strong one, despite of her abusive upbringing. Or maybe she was strong because of it.

I wouldn't be suprised if Willow's need to have control was because of a childhood trauma, as midwesternwatcher suggest, or maybe it's a issue that slowly grew over the course of 5 years fighting evil, when Willow say how trully helpless she could be in the face of evil.

We see how she grew from a helpless girl to a powerful warrior, and I think her need to stay in power grew with that development. Or maybe she always had a control issue, and thought (maybe because of her IQ) that she knew the "best thing" for people, thus not listening.

Those issues, plus that she learned magic too fast, never seeing the danger even tough if was right in front of her, made her into a unhealthy individual, thus causing her and Tara's relationship to be unhealthy.

I'm not sure if she learned from all her lessons in season 6. I hope that she understood that it wasn't just being dependant on magic that was wrong, but that it was mainly her need to control other people and events that made the relationship crach and burn. Otherwise, I feel sorry for Kennedy.

-EDIT

Maybe I should add that I've never been in a relationship, all I know about relationships is from pop culture, media ad other people's lovelifes.
.

[midwesternwatcher]

A thought, I might be completely off base ... you mentioned Kennedy.

I suppose Tara saw Willow's weakness and pain, and loved her either in spite of it (which would be healthy) or because of it (which might not be). I suppose Kennedy saw Willow's strength and admired it.

The fact that Willow could hook up with Kennedy may show that she's grown up, that she's stronger now? Willow can now do without the thing that only Tara gave her. That is not to say anything against Tara, or the Willow-Tara relationship.

Oz had no chance with Willow while Tara was there. If Tara had lived, Kennedy would've had no chance either.

Let's keep this up.

[Skytteflickan88]

In Season 7 and the comics, I always get the feeling that Kennedy's and Willow's relationship is kind of casual. They love each other, but don't feel the need to be around each other every day. Nothing wrong with that, they both seem pleased with whatever they have going on, but when I compare how Willow & Tara seemed to glow around each other on screen, seeing Kennedy's and Willow's interaction in season 7 (which was basically casual dating + Kennedy offering support to Willow) and in the comics, that relationship seems pretty dry and empty.

I feel like they don't have the same chemistry. And maybe Willow never will have that kind of relationship again, that she had with Tara. And while casual relationships are fine, it must be empty, having had what Willow had with Tara and then losing it and having something... less?

I hope I'm wrong and either a) They have those "glow" moments too, it just haven't been shown, or b) they're still getting to know each other, taking it slow or c) They will eventually break up and Willow will find another person to "glow" with.

Maybe I should re-read the Willow & Kennedy moments to see if I missed something. That Willow is maybe-cheating thing might be clouding my judgement (since it pisses me off). Maybe they're perfect for each other, casual or not.

[Scarygothgirl]

I think as Willow's magical power grew it gave her cravings, near need, to gain even more power and a way to control everything. The easiest thing for her to control was Tara, and thus in becoming a rather controling girlfriend she was able to feel like she had power over everything and everyone. Then of course when she had Tara taken from her she felt complete hopelessness and lonliness from losing someone she loves so dearly, mixed with a need to regain power over something, anything, to fill the void left by Tara. Which she tries to fill with dark magicks.

Trying to link this with the actual topic here, I think that Willow and Tara both had their own emotional issues as anyone does, but this does not stop their relationship itself from being healthy. I think they were able to complement eachothers personalities. And once Willow realised how much Tara meant to her and how much it meant to Tara that she not get out of control, thus enabling Tara to control Willow's magic problem. It's possible that they are slightly too reliant on eachother, but that is kinda the whole point of relationships (would you really want to be with somone you could easily live without?), and wouldn't have become an issue if Tara hadn't died.

[Skytteflickan88]

^^ It is very sad how, just when their relationship looked like it could become healthy, Tara died. But in a way, I guess that was good. Their relationship ended at it's best. Maybe it could just have gone downhill from there.

It will always be a wonderful amazing relationship, partly because that it ended just when it became great.

[midwesternwatcher]

Remember that Kennedy caused Willow to "forget" Tara to some degree. There must've been some serious feeling on Willow's part, or that wouldn't have happened. Now ... on Kennedy's part, I always had a nagging doubt, didn't quite trust her. Did she go after Willow because she (Willow) was a powerful witch and a central figure in the Slayer gang? Was it an ego thing, a notch on the belt? There's a book called "Dark Congress" where Kennedy is portrayed as carrying on with another woman behind Willow's back.

But Willow and Tara. The difficulty for me is that I don't know just what Tara did for Willow. I can't shake the feeling that the need Tara satisfied, for Willow, wasn't a natural one, but stemmed from some unnatural injury. This relationship just looks too good to be true.

Tara soothed Willow in her pain, but then what?

I'm all over the map, I know. I think that in Seeing Red (that is the episode? I should check), we are supposed to understand that Willow and Tara are on the verge of happily ever after, all serious problems solved forever, or at least Willow thinks so. That is why Tara's death at this exact moment hurts so much.

Don't forget that Buffy and Xander have a similar reconciliation, though not at the same emotional level, also ruined by a bullet from Warren's gun.

[buffyfan21]

I think Willow and Tara's (Twillow. ) relationship was healthy, at least in the beginning. I think it's fair to say that both had their share of emotional baggage they brought to the relationship (as people often do). I think both girls' upbringings have a lot to do with their need fulfillment in/with the relationship, as well as the subsequent dependence they felt with one another. If you think about it, both women came from extremely dysfunctional homes. We have Tara, who suffered mental and emotional abuse, basically being used as a slave. And then there's Willow, whose parents didn't seem to be that interested in her at all. Both girls suffered forms of neglect by their families. If this is the case, it seems only natural that Willow and Tara would begin to cling to one another in the relationship; both looking for the love, attention, and acceptance they feel they have missed out on. I would argue that immediately they see something special in one another; an instant connection and chemistry.

The only difference is, Where Tara started out shy and timid, and Willow the more outgoing one (the leader in the relationship), Tara eventually progressed into a stronger, outspoken character. Willow, on the other hand, became the opposite. She regressed and became even more consumed by and dependent on the relationship; to the point that it was no longer healthy and beautiful. Willow was losing her footing while Tara was finding hers. Interesting that by the end of the relationship, both had become the exact polar opposite of what they were going into it.

In the fight Willow and Tara have in S5 (Tough Love, I believe it is), you can really see just how insecure Willow is in the relationship with Tara. She becomes afraid that Tara will leave her, that Tara will no longer "be gay," etc. I would argue that a lot of this insecurity stems from Willow's broken relationship with Oz. Think about it, he was the last person willow ever expected to hurt and betray her, and yet he did. It could be that even though, like Oz, Tara "seems" like a person who would never hurt Willow, there is still a bit of mistrust and insecurity on Willow's part. It could be that she is afraid of getting burned again by someone she cares deeply for, and once again being completely blindsided by the betrayal; never seeing it coming. I think this is a definite factor in Willow's growing dependence on Tara. She is afraid of losing her, of being hurt again. So afraid, in fact, that she resorts to drastic measures such as mind control. She is so consumed with this worry and illogical fear that it leads her to do these crazy acts without giving much thought to what it may be doing to the woman she loves. And of course, the sad irony is that despite all Willow's efforts to "keep" Tara, she ends up losing her anyway in a tragedy that neither could have prevented or saw coming. Willow's worst fears came true, in a sense; she was once again blindsided in her relationship, only this time, not by her lover's actions.

As far as Willow/Kennedy, it is really no secret that I am not a fan of that relationship. It's pretty obvious to me that Willow keeps Kennedy at a distance. I think Willow fears completely opening herself up and making herself emotionally available to another person again. Maybe I am just biased, but it seems to me that Willow/Kennedy do not share that closeness and contentment that was so special in her relationship Tara. You get the sense that Kennedy is someone Willow COULD live without, but she keeps Kennedy around nonetheless because hey, she does care about her and it sure beats being alone. That said, I don't think Willow will have with any other person what she had With Tara, which is why I believe she keeps herself from getting overly attached to and involved with Kennedy. I think she definitely keeps Kennedy at bay, never truly letting her "in."

[Scarygothgirl]

I think Willow's relationship with Kennedy is more likely to be an unhealthy one (I haven't read any of season 8 so I'm getting all of this from season 7). Kennedy seems in awe of Willow's power, just at the point where Willow is trying to learn to live without her constant need for power. Thus to impress Kennedy she is likely to go back down her dark power-seeking path, whilst being encouraged to do so by Kennedy. This point showing how Tara was healthy for Willow as she tried to dissuade Willow from her power cravings.

I suppose you could say (yes, I am rapidly turning into Freud) that for Tara Willow was a replacement form of her father. As a child she was completely controlled by her father, and when entering the real world it was clear she struggled on her own and was picked on by other people. So when she found Willow, someone with a need to control everything, she felt comfortable with that and was able to settle back into being controlled.

Saying this makes it sound like I'm saying the relationship was unhealthy for Tara, but that's not really what I'm saying. Everyone has issues from their childhood and it's near impossible to get rid of these issues, so the best thing to do is to learn to live with them in a positive way (e.g. Tara being controlled by Willow in a less angry violent way than she was controlled by her father, but still satusfying her need to be controlled).

I hope that made some sense.

[buffyfan21]

^^ I agree with you in regards to Kennedy. For her, it seems that "getting with" Willow was almost a status symbol; something to make her better than, more privileged, or more entitled than the other slayers in the group. It just seems like something she would rub in their faces to say, "Haha, I'm better than you. Look what I got." She was clearly impressed by Willow's magical abilities, and also completely ignorant of how dangerous magic could be. She was completely unaware of the fact that magic almost destroyed Willow (not to mention the entire world), even encouraging her to use it and going as far to say that dark Willow is something she's "like to see." Her flippancy about and treating it as if it is something comical and fun has always rubbed me the wrong way. It is obvious that despite being a potential slayer Kennedy has never been around or has much knowledge of the supernatural. Sure, you could argue it's Willow's fault for not explaining to Kennedy the severity of her magic addiction but still, it just annoys me. From the get go Kennedy struck me as someone very competitive with the other girls (many of whom were younger than her). She always had to "be the best." So maybe, getting in Willow's good graces and becoming part of Willow's "inner circle" was Kennedy's ultimate victory against the other. Not saying her feeling for Willow weren't/aren't genuine, but given Kennedy's competitive edge, the fact that she has ulterior motives wouldn't surprise me. As she tells Willow, she is a brat used to getting what she wants. Perhaps she snagged Willow just to see if she could. And Willow, clearly on the rebound from the love of her life, decided to go along for the ride.

Just a thought.

[Paul]

Not read all the responses, so this has probably been covered already...

The way I see it, Willow's defining characteristic is power, and a thirst for it. With Tara, that was the first relationship she'd had where she was the powerful one. Tara looked up to her the way S1 Willow looked up to Buffy.

As the cliché goes, power corrupts. It turned Willow into quite an ugly person for a while. And when Tara began to question Willow's power, and her abuse of it, Willow became frustrated and altered Tara's mind. So it wasn't a very healthy relationship because Willow didn't treat Tara as an equal.

Though as others have said, their brief reunion in "Seeing Red" was, tragically, the healthiest their relationship had ever been.

[midwesternwatcher]

Just thought of something. Why didn't I think of it before?

Notice how motherly Tara is? Notice how she stepped into the mother role as soon as Joyce dies? She's suddenly a mother to both Buffy and Willow. Even in Season 6, Buffy trusts her in a way that she can't trust either Giles or Willow.

That's a clue to what she did for Willow, why Willow needed her so much. Oz was beautiful in his own way, but he could not be a mother. It probably never occurred to him that what Willow needed was mothering.

[buffyfan21]

Aug 28, 2010 12:08:04 GMT -5 midwesternwatcher said:

Just thought of something. Why didn't I think of it before?

Notice how motherly Tara is? Notice how she stepped into the mother role as soon as Joyce dies? She's suddenly a mother to both Buffy and Willow. Even in Season 6, Buffy trusts her in a way that she can't trust either Giles or Willow.

That's a clue to what she did for Willow, why Willow needed her so much. Oz was beautiful in his own way, but he could not be a mother. It probably never occurred to him that what Willow needed was mothering.

Oh, excellent point! Karma!

[Randi Giles]

I might be going a little off topic, but I think Tara was only motherly when it came to Dawn. With Buffy I think she was just a good stable trustworthy friend that was around and that Buffy really needed at the time when Willow was dealing with her problems and Giles was gone.

I agree that Oz didn't really stand a chance with Willow when Tara came into the picture. I think that's only cause Willow and Tara had their shared interest in in magic, which made them connected in a way that she never could with Oz. He pretty much came back too little too late.

Back to topic. Willow and Tara's relationship started in a beautiful healthy way. I think the way they depended on each other was especially beautiful in The Gift. What turned their relationship to crap was Willow's drug magic addiction. And using that influence to do what she did to Tara. I also don't think it was about her trying to control Tara. She just didn't want to lose the one she loves and just lost out once again to her addiction. So I won't say that their relationship was unhealthy. It was just Willow who was unhealthy and Tara just couldn't watch her fall any longer. When they got back together even though I wasn't a Tara and Willow fan I was happy for them. They seemed fresh and headed back to their happier times until...

You know the rest.

[midwesternwatcher]

So Tara was a mother figure to Dawn, but not to Buffy?

Let me think. In Season 6, when Buffy learns that Spike can hit her (so she, Buffy, might be demon), and then becomes romantically involved with Spike, with whom does she share this? With Willow, whom we all think of as her best friend? With Giles, her wise counselor? With Xander, her generous guy-friend who knows girl stuff?

No, she shares this with Tara. Why is that? I think it is because she can't or won't show that much weakness to Xander, or Giles, or even Willow. She needs acceptance, forgiveness, mercy. She turns to Tara. That sounds pretty motherly to me.

Remember, in "I Only Have Eyes for You," Xander remarks, "The quality of mercy is not mercy is not Buffy." He's right. Buffy is compassionate until you cross her. She has no compassion for anyone who has sinned against her. In this, Willow, before season 7, is very much like her. Willow is quick to blame because she has never been blamed, and unable to forgive because she has never needed forgiveness. The only character in the Buffyverse who is really merciful is Angel, because he has hungered for mercy for more than a hundred years. Consider the difference between the way Willow treats Faith, and the way Angel treats her.

Therefore when Buffy needs that unconditional mother love, she goes to Tara.

The question is whether Tara was a mother figure to Willow, as well. I can't quite prove it textually, but I think Willow is attached to Tara because she (Willow) gets from her (Tara) an absolute acceptance that she can't get anywhere else. I think Tara understands Willow's sickness, and loves her either because or in spite of it.

Back to the original subject, there's something I don't follow here. The main idea of most of you seems to be that the Willow-Tara relationship was healthy, but Willow was not. What does that mean?

Wasn't Willow half of the relationship? Wasn't Willow fully engaged it, weren't all aspects of her personality in play, including the unhealthy parts? In her relationship with Oz, she may have managed to hide her deepest vulnerabilities; after all, he seems to have formed an idealized image of her long before he met her. In the relationship with Tara, which seems much more intimate and complete, all Willow's weaknesses must have been exposed.

When I suggest that the Willow-Tara relationship might not be healthy, I mean that Willow might have used her sickness to bind Tara to her, as in "I need you, so you are important," and Tara might have played along with that.

The fact that Tara demands that Willow be strong and quit the magic is a good sign.

All for now, I can't seem to wrap this up right.

[Randi Giles]

Aug 31, 2010 20:24:47 GMT -5 midwesternwatcher said:

So Tara was a mother figure to Dawn, but not to Buffy?

Yes I believe so after her and Willow broke up. She continued to take care of her in Smashed to reassure Dawn that just because she was no longer with Willow she'll still be there for her. Very reminisce of the divorce parent's letting you know it's not your fault. IMO that was motherly

Let me think. In Season 6, when Buffy learns that Spike can hit her (so she, Buffy, might be demon), and then becomes romantically involved with Spike, with whom does she share this? With Willow, whom we all think of as her best friend? With Giles, her wise counselor? With Xander, her generous guy-friend who knows girl stuff?

No, she shares this with Tara. Why is that? I think it is because she can't or won't show that much weakness to Xander, or Giles, or even Willow. She needs acceptance, forgiveness, mercy. She turns to Tara. That sounds pretty motherly to me.

She turns to Tara cause she the only friend she could turn to. Not to sound repetitive but Willow was in a dark place, Giles wasn't around and I don't really think Xander could handle hearing she slept with Spike given the whole Angel drama from previous seasons. Although I must say if Giles was there sooner he would have been there for her. She needed her mother yes, but at this point she didn't have her. What she had and needed was a friend to accept and forgive. Which I loved because it grew Buffy and Tara closer together as friends, which you didn't really see too much of before.

Therefore when Buffy needs that unconditional mother love, she goes to Tara.

I think I'll just have to agree to disagree on that one. I don't think it had anything to do with her wanting unconditional love so much as freedom of having a secret that was destroying her inside. All she wanted was to have a friend who would be there for her. Heck she even wanted a friend to judge her, but she couldn't bear the look of anyone that's really close to her and that's why I think she went to Tara first. She didn't really choose her she was just there. And gave Buffy news that she didn't want which led to her breakdown.

The question is whether Tara was a mother figure to Willow, as well.

I don't think so. Something that just came to me is that Willow wanted someone that was hers when it came to Tara. I'm debating rather or not that was healthy. I'll have to come back to that.

Back to the original subject, there's something I don't follow here. The main idea of most of you seems to be that the Willow-Tara relationship was healthy, but Willow was not. What does that mean?

Wasn't Willow half of the relationship? Wasn't Willow fully engaged it, weren't all aspects of her personality in play, including the unhealthy parts?

Willow was half of the relationship but she also has her own identity. Willow was beyond fully engaged in the relationship which is why she used magic to tried to fix it but that was a mistake. Their relationship was fine, but it was Willows sickness with using too much magic as a easy fix that broke them up. Besides the argument in Tough Love, if you count it, this was there only real fight.

When I suggest that the Willow-Tara relationship might not be healthy, I mean that Willow might have used her sickness to bind Tara to her, as in "I need you, so you are important," and Tara might have played along with that.

The fact that Tara demands that Willow be strong and quit the magic is a good sign.

I don't think Tara play along. She didn't have any problem voicing what she thought Willow was doing was unhealthy. I guess she also wanted to show her tough love. Willow could lose more than just Tara. Anyway Willow had the problem. Not the relationship. IMO

[midwesternwatcher]

Did the relationship help her with the problem? Or did it just soothe it? Just exactly how was Willow's sickness involved in the relationship? Did Tara ever think, consciously or not, "this person is needy and I'd like to be needed, I'd like to be the strong one, after being put down by my father and brother all those years." It's not enough to say "Willow had the problem, not the relationship." We have to face these questions.

BTW, this might help. This is from the script of "Tough Love", about 17 to 19 minutes:

WILLOW
It wasn't anything, really; Buffy was
just being kinda crabby at Dawn about
her schoolwork.

TARA
Well, it's understandable...

WILLOW
Sure it is! I'd totally be blowing
off classes if I was in Dawnie's shoes.

TARA
Sweetie, you wouldn't blow off
class if your head was on fire. And
I meant Buffy.

WILLOW
Buffy what?

TARA
Understandable. About the crabby; I
mean she has to look after Dawn now.

WILLOW
Yeah, but not in a 'Miss Minchin's
Select Seminary for Girls' way, I
mean she'll just make Dawn even
more rebellious--

TARA
(overlapping slightly)
I had to deal with my brother's
problems after, I mean -- you
really can't know what it's like to--

WILLOW
(defensively)
I know that.

Slight pause -- there was a touch of bitterness, just a touch, in that reply.

TARA
I didn't mean--

WILLOW
No, I just, I mean I know I can't
know what you went through, I
just... It's no big.

TARA
I made you mad.

WILLOW
No, no...

TARA
All I meant was that--

WILLOW
--It's okay, the whole Buffy thing
just -- Forget it.

TARA
No, please, if I... I mean, tell me
if I said something wrong. Otherwise
I know I'll say it again, probably often
and in public.

WILLOW
No, I was snippy gal, it's just... I
know I can't, on some level... it's
like my opinion isn't worth anything
because I haven't been through... I
didn't lose my mom, so I don't know...

TARA
Well I'm not the expert, I mean, I
only lost one... Do I act like I'm
the big Knowledge Woman?

WILLOW
No...

TARA
Is that "no" spelled Y-E-S?

WILLOW
S-O-R-T of... it's just... I mean I
just feel like the junior partner
sometimes, you've been doing
everything longer than me, you've
been out longer, and practicing
witchcraft way longer--

TARA
--Oh but you're way beyond me there.
In just a few -- I mean it frightens me
how powerful you're getting.

Beat. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.

WILLOW
That's a weird word.

TARA
(knows damn well)
"Getting"?

WILLOW
It frightens you? I frighten you?

TARA
That's so not what I mean. I meant
impresses, impressive...

WILLOW
Well I took Psyche 101 -- I mean,
I took it from an evil government
scientist who was skewered by her
Frankenstein-like creation right
before the final -- but I know what
a Freudian slip is.
(beat)
Don't you trust me?

TARA
With my life!

WILLOW
That's not what I mean.

TARA
Can't we just go the fair?

WILLOW
I'm not feeling real multicultural
right now. What is it about me that
you don't trust?

TARA
It's not that. I worry. Sometimes...
You're changing so much, so fast,
I don't know... where you're heading...

WILLOW
Where I'm heading?

TARA
I'm saying everything wrong.

WILLOW
(vulnerable)
I think you're being pretty clear.
It isn't the witch thing -- this is
about the other changes in my life.

TARA
I trust you. I just... I don't know
where I'm gonna fit in. In your
life, when --

WILLOW
When I 'change back'? Yeah, this is
just a college thing, just a little
experimentation before I get over
the thrill and head back to boys' town.
You think that?

She is pretty confrontational here. Even Tara is surprised that she meets it halfway:

TARA
Should I?

Beat. Bitter.

WILLOW
You know, I'm really sorry I didn't
establish my lesbo street cred before
I got into this relationship. But you're
the only woman I've ever fallen in love
with, so how on earth could you possibly
take me seriously?

And she's heading out.

----------- Notice a few things. Tara mentions her experience at mothering, after her own mother died. She's the only Scooby who has that experience. Willow feels that Tara is "pulling rank" on her, and says she always feels like "the junior partner," just as she feels like the "sidekick" to Buffy. It sounds to me like Tara has more power in the relationship than Willow, because she's doing most of the giving.

One more thing. I hope I'm being clear hear.

I love the Willow-Tara relationship too. It is beautiful. But it has a shadow in it. There is no relationship that does not, just as there is no person without shortcomings. In Buffy's case, one shortcoming is her lack of mercy, as Xander points out. Another is her peculiar naivete, that prevents her from seeing that Willow is gay until she (Willow) actually tells her.

[sarahcullen90]

I think that Tara was good for Willow, but I don't think that Willow was good for Tara. The way Willow was with magic was kind of like a drug user. That was her main priority, just like a user would be wanting their next fix. I know she tried to be better for Tara, but she was really an addict to her magic.

[Randi Giles]

Aug 31, 2010 22:22:51 GMT -5 midwesternwatcher said:

----------- Notice a few things. Tara mentions her experience at mothering, after her own mother died. She's the only Scooby who has that experience. Willow feels that Tara is "pulling rank" on her, and says she always feels like "the junior partner," just as she feels like the "sidekick" to Buffy. It sounds to me like Tara has more power in the relationship than Willow, because she's doing most of the giving.

I understand that she may have stepped into that role after her mother died for her brother. I still don't think she was considered Buffy or Willow's mother figure. Jut a friend that had experience in being in a somewhat dark place and was trying to be a open ear for them as a good friend should.

One more thing. I hope I'm being clear hear.

I love the Willow-Tara relationship too. It is beautiful. But it has a shadow in it. There is no relationship that does not, just as there is no person without shortcomings. In Buffy's case, one shortcoming is her lack of mercy, as Xander points out. Another is her peculiar naivete, that prevents her from seeing that Willow is gay until she (Willow) actually tells her.

I understand what you're saying. And yes of course every relationship has their moments, but I can't say that their relationship was unhealthy cause of a couple arguments.

BTW - I don't why the heck I said The Body in my previous post when I knew it was Tough Love. It was late when I was typing it and may have been half asleep. Thanks for the correction.