Fic: Solid Through

[Emmie]

Title: Solid Through
Summary: "It's all flipped backwards and turned sideways."
Pairing: Faith/Giles
Timeline: Set during Retreat Part I | #26 but really only vague spoilers for Faith and Giles' arc in No Future For You.
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Word Count: 1150
Author's Note: For snickfic on her birthday! Happy birthday! I hope you enjoy my Faith/Giles offering and that you don't mind the first person POV. For some reason, Faith demanded it. Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.




I can’t take the not talking.

Nah, that’s not it. I’m good with the not talking. Giles and me, we don’t do the talking thing. Don’t need to. I’ll come back from a rough night and he’ll be sitting in his chair, reading a musty old book, glass of scotch in his hand. The good stuff. He always drinks the good stuff. Expensive as hell, too.

Me, I don’t go for the good stuff. I like how the cheap shit burns on the way down. Besides, his brand doesn’t come with a built-in stop sign and, well, I got carried away that one time, gulped down a whole bottle before I knew what hit me. It ain’t right drinking something that smooth. How’m I supposed to slow down when it feels that good?

Anyways, I’ll come in and crash on the couch. He’ll look at me out of the corner of his eye, then take a sip of that smooth, acting like I’m not even there and I’ll just smirk at him, toss my feet on the coffee table and lean back into the cushions. He’ll go back to reading, but he’ll get this look like he’s about to smile and the corner of his mouth will twitch. He’ll hold it back ‘cause he knows I’m watching, waiting for him to break—he doesn’t, he never does, just keeps on reading.

And that’s it. No words necessary. I’m home means I had a good night, staked a few vamps, went crazy wild on some demons. End of story. No fuss. No anxious looks. He knows I can handle myself and I’m here, aren’t I? Means I did good. Better than good. Great. Like always. He knows I’m gonna kick ass just like I know he’s got all the answers in his books. And hey, if they’re not in his books, then he knows it ‘cause he’s lived it. Like me. Just the way it is.

So we’re good with the quiet most days. Most nights, too. But now? It’s all flipped backwards and turned sideways. We used to not talk ‘cause we didn’t need to. Now we don’t talk ‘cause we can’t. I hate it here. The walls feel like they’re closing in. I’m gonna lose it. Any minute now. ‘Cause the not talking… it’s not the worst part. The not moving? I just fucking can’t. Can’t be quiet as a mouse and we gotta be quiet like that. Can’t move or they’ll hear us. I’m the Slayer and… I’m a Slayer. I don’t hide. I hunt. I don’t fucking hide and I stopped running a long time ago. Damn.

You’d think I’d be good at this: eight months stuck in a hospital bed, three years locked up in the poke. I should be a fucking Zen master, all the practice I’ve got not moving. I’m mad skilled at letting the world pass me by. But even when I was outta the game, I wasn’t wasting time. Body’s gotta heal, right? And prison was just more of the same. I was… Angel’d say I was atoning. B would say I was getting what I deserved. Felt more like I was finally keeping the world safe (from me). So I had purpose.

It’s wrong though. The way this feels. We’re hiding and running at the same time and I know it’s wrong. It ain’t right so it’s gotta be wrong. Gotta be another way. A way out. I gotta get out of this bunker. I can’t fucking stay here. We gotta get out. Giles and me, we had a plan. We were gonna help make it better. Make it so nobody else got lost. I can’t hide. I gotta be out there. I gotta be out there in case... In case. I can’t. I can’t not. I ca—

“Faith?” Giles whispers, and my eyes snap open. He’s crouching in front of me, looking concerned, actually looking worried and I know that’s not good.

I shake my head. I don’t even try to talk ‘cause if I opened my mouth, I’d scream. All that’s left in me is loud. I can turn it off or turn it on—there’s no happy go-fuckin'-lucky middle.

Giles reaches for me and I can’t help but flinch, not ‘cause it’s him—I’m flinching from the way my chest moves every time I breathe. It’s not him. It’s me. My pulse is shaking the life outta me, breakneck speed here I come. I’m freaking. I’m freaked. Losing it. I’m losing it. ‘Cause if I’m not moving forward, I can’t keep myself from falling back. Fuck, I’m shaking. I can’t stop shaking.

His hand lands on my knee and I fight to keep from pulling away. I don’t wanna be touched. It’s bad enough he can see me shaking. I don’t want him to feel it. He settles down next to me, leans back against the concrete wall, then he gives my knee a squeeze and my mouth pops open like a fish, like he just flipped a switch and it’s all gonna come out.

I don’t scream. Guess it means I finally caught a break. Maybe I’m not destined to get us killed. Maybe he’s not gonna die ‘cause he’s sitting beside me. Maybe we’re gonna make it.

“It will be all right,” he whispers, so soft that I barely hear him, but the words shoot through me, settle warm in my gut, and I wonder how he can do that. Talk so low. Small sips, right?

I don’t remember moving, but my hand is wrapped around his wrist, pressing his palm hard against my knee, like his touch is my lifeline, and I’m pushing my forehead against his shoulder. My eyes are squeezed shut and I can feel the easy rhythm of his breathing. Slow, slow, slow it down, girl. Easy rider.

“Might I suggest we seek other lodgings in the morning? The amenities here leave much to be desired. The lack of a minibar alone is criminal.”

I laugh, no sound though ‘cause my throat’s locked shut, but I’m puffing out gusts of air against his arm. My grip eases on his wrist, but I don’t let go. Can’t. Don’t want to. Same difference.

“Ah, that’s much better.” I can tell he’s smiling. Don’t know how, but I know he is. It’s how he sounds when he’s smiling.

Goosebumps shoot down my arms and I can feel my cheeks tingling. And I’m smiling, too. Guess I like it when he smiles. Breathing gets easier and my heart stops jumping, then I’m rubbing my forehead against his shoulder. ‘Cause I can. ‘Cause I want to. My hand lets go of his wrist and slides down till our palms are touching and I slip my fingers in between his.

Faith the Vampire Slayer holding hands with Giles the Watcher. Quick, somebody take a picture. It’ll last longer.

Or maybe not. Feels pretty solid to me.

~*~*~

Tell me what you think. I love feedback. ♥

[drusillacakes]

Okay, my disclaimer first: Faith/Giles weirds me out a little as I see their relationship more as a father/daughter relationship, but of course, I respect everyone's fandom ships, so on goes my objective-goggles! From a purely unbiased standpoint, I think this is a beautifully written story. You definitely captured Faith's frame of mind.

"I'm mad skilled at letting the world pass me by."--- That is totally Faith. She eats that for breakfast! So I can see why she would feel this need to turn to Giles and to accept this stability in her life. I'd actually really like to read it from his point of view as well and find out what drives his attraction to Faith.

Anyway, lovely work as always.

[Emmie]

Thanks so much, drusillacakes! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I pretty much wrote this as Faith & Giles, with some Faith/Giles subtext there for anyone who wishes to see it. I do think they've become very important to each other through the events in No Future For You.

Glad the shippiness didn't get in the way of enjoying the story.

[midwesternwatcher]

Yes, nice story, but the Faith-Giles pairing, which I never thought of before, sorry, I'm not convinced and I won't be in this century. Giles isn't rough enough or sweet enough for Faith. I see why she went for Robin Wood, he had an edge about him. I see why she used Xander, he was easy pickings and he was in the right place at the right time (or wrong place at wrong time, choose one).

[Emmie]

Not rough enough? Um, Ripper. Also, Giles putting Ben out of business. Also, Giles being badass mage at the end of Season 6. Not sweet enough? I really don't even see how to respond to that as Giles is ridiculously sweet. (It kinda seems like you don't like Giles all that much...?)

It's fine if you don't like the pairing. The best part about that is that this story has shippy subtext that you can take or leave. Simple fact is that Giles and Faith are extremely close now in the comics. But that's just according to Joss. People can take or leave the comics as they wish, also.

[sagewoman]

I'm not getting the shippiness vibe off this. He is her rock, her anchor to reality. Holding hands, being physically close, heartbeat-to-heartbeat, are not emanating any sexuality to me in the story but are showing how much Faith needs Giles to be there for her.
I love this story as it shows how much healing has occurred for each of them. The fact that she will let Giles touch her at all speaks volumes about her progress and realization that we cannot do all of this alone (counter to Buffy's often cited belief). Faith still shies away from the touch but seems to understand that accepting Gile's strength (his calmness) is not a vulnerability on her part but an acceptance of herself and the strength to acknowledge that she too needs support at times.

I'm wish I could explain myself better. Perhaps there will be a shippiness to this in future, but at this moment - I don't think so. Giles may see the woman Faith can eventually be and has the patience to wait but I do not think he will take this to the next step in the near future as it would undo all that has been accomplished. Faith is still at a point where sex is a defence (or aggressive) stance and can defer issues (away from talking) and feelings. Sex is one of her weapons and if there is to be any shippiness between Giles and Faith, then I think it will be later when she has matured more and has worked through her pain and truly learned to trust.

[midwesternwatcher]

Sex is a defense for Faith. That's good! I never thought of it exactly that way. I'll remember that.

I did get a ship vibe off this piece. It sounds to me, in this piece, as if Faith is attracted physically to Giles. That's what doesn't work for me.

When I say Giles isn't "rough or sweet enough," I'm talking about style, I mean the elements that might elicit sexual feeling. Giles is rough when he needs to be, but he's not edgy in style the way Robin Wood is in his dealings with Faith season 7, or so it seems to me. And I know what you mean when you say he's sweet, as he is with Buffy as her disastrous coupling with Angel, but not the way Xander was. I can imagine that Faith might, on occasion, enjoy taking a younger man, sixteen or so, because she can control him. Some women are like that.

Now what Faith really needs is a father. This doesn't necessarily mean an older man, but a man with whom there is no sex interest, but deep understanding and caring. The Mayor, when he met Faith, saw this in a glance and used it skillfully to control Faith (which doesn't mean he didn't really care for her, I think he did).

Giles might have filled that father role for Faith, if Wesley hadn't intervened. I think.

[midwesternwatcher]

I can't get this Faith-Giles thing out of my mind. I assume we all remember "Faith, Hope & Trick," when Faith first meets Giles (from the script):

FAITH
Ah, it's boring. Way too stuffy for
a guy like you.

BUFFY
Um, maybe I should introduce you
again. Faith, this is Giles.

FAITH
I seen him. If I'd a known they came
this young and cute I'd've requested
a transfer.

BUFFY
Okay, raise your hand if "ew."

GILES
(trying not to be flustered)
Well, leaving for the moment the
question of my youth and beauty, I
would say it's fortuitous that Faith
arrived when she did.

At the time, I assumed this was a crude and clumsy attempt by Faith to curry favor with Giles. I assumed it would backfire, make Giles and everybody else trust Faith less.

Did anybody take it differently? Did anybody think Faith really thought Giles was attractive? It's not a rhetorical question.

[sagewoman]

I believe she thought he was attractive - given what we have seen of Watchers - Giles is one of the better looking ones. And, I don't think she was trying to curry favour - she is a flirt and words tend to come out of her mouth as soon as they hit her brain. Buffy tends to think first then talk.

[whitecandy]

You really do know how to write as Faith would think and talk, it is like you are inside her mind! Really good piece, I enjoyed reading it and didn't think there was a ship to it tbh, I just saw it as a working partnership, even the holding hands at the end seemed like a strength together thing more than a romantic gesture.

I just can't see a ship between these two, whether sexual or emotional, but am open to be proved wrong.