Is Buffy selfish to keep friends around her?

[tkts]

I admit I'm posing this question with an answer in mind -- ultimately, I think it's "no" -- but I think there's enough ambiguity to spark a good discussion.

Is it selfish of Buffy to surround herself with devoted friends like Willow and Xander, knowing how much danger they could be in simply by being close to her?

Points in favor of the argument:

1. Buffy clearly knows how dangerous it is for non-powered humans to do the things she does, yet makes only halfhearted attempts to dissuade them. (S1, "The Witch": "Guys, you don't have to get involved ... I don't want you putting yourselves in danger." At this point in the series, she knows the danger of the supernatural far better than they do -- can they really be making informed decisions about whether they want to take the risk? But she's happy to accept their help.

2. Buffy's consciousness of the danger of her position is enough to make her decide not to date Owen. She justifies the difference between Owen and her friends this way: "You guys know the score, you're careful. Two days in my world and Owen really would get himself killed." Now, it's true that Owen is unhealthily fascinated by danger. But is it possible that while she's willing to not date a guy for the sake of protecting him, the friendship of Xander and Willow means more to her, so she's not willing to give it up?

3. Whenever someone experienced in the Slayer tradition comes to Sunnydale, they're shocked that Buffy has her friends help with the slaying, which they seem to view as reckless and irresponsible: "And you allow this, sir?" -- Kendra, "What's My Line, Part 2." Also: "I don't want a sword thrown at me, but civilians -- we're talking about children" -- Lydia, "Checkpoint." Easily justified for Willow in Season 5 and beyond because she becomes just as powerful as Buffy if not more so; harder to justify for S 1-4 Willow and the others.

4. The "it's dangerous to be around Buffy" theme continues even into Season 6 ("Which would be a perfectly reasonable argument if my sister was chosen to protect the world from tax audits, but, see, my sister is you, and dangerous things that want to kill me seem to find me" -- Dawn, "Entopy") and Season 8 ("We could have moved on. Raised Dawnie, moved somewhere nice ... but I chose. I chose to put Tara in a bullet’s path." -- Willow, "Anywhere but here").

Points against the argument:

1. Ultimately, it's their choice, not hers. She never guilt-trips them into helping.

2. They do seem to "know the score." Buffy's decision about Owen, referenced above, can also be interpreted to mean that she won't let her personal desires get in the way of an objective evaluation of whether someone can handle what they're getting themselves into.

3. Buffy does keep her friends away when she feels the danger is too great. She goes alone to fight The Master in "Prophecy Girl" and deliberately pushes Xander away from the fight in "The Zeppo."

4. After a few seasons, it really ceases to be a matter of Buffy fulfilling her duties as the slayer and her friends helping her. The others -- particularly Willow -- come to view fighting evil as a personal calling. ("Now we're supposed to decide what we want to do with our lives, and I just realized that that's what I want to do. Fight evil, help people. I mean, I think it's worth doing." -- Willow, "Choices.") When she's gone -- in LA at the beginning of Season 3, or dead at the beginning of Season 6 -- they take her place. They appear to view themselves less as Buffy's helpers, "the slayerettes," and more as individuals with a personal commitment to the cause, whether Buffy's around or not.

[Scarygothgirl]

Some very good points.
Though, before she was a slayer, Buffy's life revolved around her friends and her social life. Thus as a person she's very reliant on other people to keep her sane. I think if she had been someone who loved to throw herself in to her school work then the change to beiing a slayer would have just changed her focus on school work to slaying work. But because she is a social person and there isn't much social about slaying she needs to keep her friends around for sanities sake. That might also be why she tends to talk to the vampires/demons she's slaying, because she's a social person she feels the need to verbally link herself into what she's doing.

[SOMNAMBULIST 2.0]

You both have very good points. My opinion is that I don't think Buffy is being selfish. For one, it isn't her choice whether they fight evil by her side, even if she is the Slayer. And she does keep them out of danger a lot when it gets too big. She saves their lives and she refuses to let them put themselves in danger.

EDIT: I will add more soon, but I am in a hurry right now. I just put down my basic thoughts on this and will delve deeper when I get back from my friend's house.

[Jaz ♀♀]

No to the question, and you answered other points I would have said perfectly in your points against the argument.


The main point is that they're friends. Family really, and they would do anything for each other. It's also been shown in s8 that Buffy and Willow literally do have a connection to each other. In TLWH part 4 when Buffy channels Willows powers when rescuing her. ( "Did I ever tell you about my best friend? I like to think, in a way, that she's a part of me. That even when she's gone, a part of her is with me. 'Cause it is." -Willow ) That right there is truly the essence of friendship and love between two people IMO.

So saying if it's selfish for Buffy to surround herself with friends even though it's dangerous for them is ridiculous. It would be more selfish of Buffy if she didn't let Willow or Xander be the friends they are and help her when they know they can. That's what friends do.

This is why I LOVE watching Buffy, the amazing friendships between the Scoobies and with all the ups and downs they went and will go through, they would always stick together.

[midwesternwatcher]

Many thanks to tkts for his usual thoughtful and thorough presentation.

A couple of thoughts. One of the commentators on the Watchercast (have to go back get the exact words & context), connections among the Scoobies go "beyond normal friendship." And how! We're watching an impossible ideal, which neither can nor should exist in the real world. Sometimes it goes so far, I can't suspend my disbelief.

But as for the danger ... I have to be the odd man out, as I often seem to be. I understand Buffy in a symbolic way, more than most of us. It's clear to me, as it is to Rhonda Wilcox and Mary Alice Money, that the evils of the Buffyverse represent the common-sense, everyday evils of life, especially teenage life. If you figure Buffy and the Scoobies are battling classroom bullies, gossiping cliques, mean girls in gangs, nosy and controlling parents, dimwit administrators and so on, the problem disappears.

Another thought I just thought of: What about AI? Is Angel selfish to keep Cordelia, Gunn, Fred around?

[tkts]

Interesting question about Angel Investigations; that never occurred to me.

I don't think so. First, they're his employees (some of them, anyway). They, as fully capable, consenting adults, signed on to do a job in exchange for a paycheck. Second, for some of them -- particularly Wesley and Gunn -- working for Angel is really just a continuation of their own personal missions.

[jellymoff]

First, very thoughtful insights on this subject from all. Ultimately, I don't think there's a real definitive answer to this question. Initially, Buffy is a but selfish, particularly in the eyes of the council, and even Giles. I think Giles accepts the "Scoobies" quicker than he probably would have for the purpose of moving along the story. I think if we had a full 22 episode 1st season Giles may have been more reluctant to have Xander and Willow so close to Buffy.

Buffy is a 15 year old girl. Can you imagine at 15 some dude tells you that your "calling" requires you to ditch all of your friends and start this solitary life.

I think her friends, Xander especially, are intrigued by the adventure. As Buffy's relationships develops, it is the Scoobies love and commitment that keeps them around.

So, I think at first it is selfish for Buffy to keep her friends around. As they become a family, it becomes less and less selfish because I'd like to think that love is a two way street, and therefore there is much giving as there is taking.

[Scarygothgirl]

I think this point seems be one of the morals to 'The Zeppo'. Buffy thinks she's being selfish by keeping Xander around, and so pushes him away for his own safety. But still Xander encounters the problems of living on the hellmouth, and deals with them with a mix of the things he's learnt from Buffy and his own initiative. And after he saves the lives of all of his friends, he says nothing. Because the scoobies can deal with the problems by themselves, but they know that it's Buffy's destiny, and for the most part they're happy to step aside and let her take the credit. Obviously Willow is not so good at this as Xander, she does not want to be seen as the 'side-kick'. Now if Xander had died in the season seven battle, would his gravestone say 'He saved the world. A lot.'? Or would it be more likely to say something more like 'He helped save the world.'? Because even after stopping Willow from destroying the world, being the heart in the spell to stop Adam, stopping the school from blowing up and much more, he's still side-lined as insignificant compared to Buffy. Could she really have saved the world this many times on her own?

[midwesternwatcher]

That's true. Buffy is indeed aware that her friends might be in danger, and she's reluctant to allow them to risk their lives. Leaving Xander out in "Zeppo" is an example, I'm sure there are others, none come to mind just now.

The AI team? Mr. tkts' argument is convincing if we're talking about Wesley, Cordelia and even Gunn, less convincing for Fred. She's a math type, like me, I get her. She joined the team, and accepted the danger as part of the package. She's not fundamentally attracted to danger or mission. Am I wrong?

[tkts]

An alternate question: Are Xander, Willow et al. actually safer than they would be if they weren't friends with Buffy?

After all, whether you hang out with the Slayer or not, life in Sunnydale is inherently somewhat dangerous, with an unusually high mortality rate. If everyone in Sunnydale has a high risk of being attacked by vampires or demons, then spending most of your free time in close proximity to the girl with superpowers might significantly increase your chances of survival...

[joxerlives]

No, Buffster needs the help and in many ways they're safer around her than just as random bystanders in Sunnydale