Poem - My Garden's Burning (PLEASE COMMENT!)

[buffysmglover]

Back in the beginning of - dare I refer to it again as the - "bisexual epiphany", one poem was the very soul of what I was feeling at the time, in this poem specifically that mostly being the struggle of religion over birth, or what I believed was possibly part of me from birth. God or 1/2 Gay, did I have that choice, yada yada yada. No one has ever read the original version of this poem... until now. Comments, good and bad, appreciated.

My garden's burning.
It'll grow back quick.
Pain.
Heat.
Nothing to eat.
But fire won't
Slow me down.
My heart'll beat faster.

Tomorrow's another day.
Another chance,
Another way,
To forget today
And rebuild my happiness.
To replant my garden.

No one set the fire.
No one lit a flame.
Like a tornado,
I have the world,
The earth,
My life to blame.

I look into my
Burning garden,
When these words
Form from the smoke.
"You did this to yourself.
"It's not a joke.
"You choose to like him.
"You think you like him.
"Well its time for
"All your sins to soak.
"Or you burn alive!
"Will you put the fire out?
"What do you really care more about?"

In one hand
I hold a hose.
In the other
A match
From which the fire rose.

[hawkedup]

Eeeeeehhhhhhhhh... It seems like you have some potential for the medium and I understand that you are no doubt attached to this poem for reasons mentioned before, but I have to say--and I hope you don't take offense because a good writer of any kind has to be open minded and never take offense--that this was a little... Not yet ripened? My advice: Try to leave clichés out of your writing as much as possible.