Post by whimsy36 on Apr 13, 2009 14:42:49 GMT -5
Setting: It’s midnight at the museum. Lots of ancient Egyptian and Persian artifacts set the mood. Buffy, Willow, and Xander –dressed for battle—stand before a pedestal upon which sits your typical genie lamp. There is a symbol etched on its dusty surface, and that symbol appears to resemble Twilight’s mark. Emanating from the lamp is the upper torso of a being who may be a big pissed off genie or may be a big, bumpy, red demon.
She makes to strike him with stake end of her scythe.
Genie demon stares down at protruding scythe as if he’s been stung by a fly.
Buffy looks back and forth between scythe and Genie demon with dawning comprehension just before Genie-demon swats her across the room. Buffy lands against wall, and Willow rushes over.
Magic fills the room as reality swirls into chaos. The three friends are spinning through time and space.
Cut to black. Sounds of a hard landing. Groans, gasps of shock.
From Xander-perspective-shot we see a large, cheery banner stretched across a school hallway. It reads: Welcome to Sunnydale Junior High! Home of the Red Devils!
Xander bends to pull himself back up, and as he straightens, he comes face-to-face with an awesome double-D chest being sported by a very sexy Willow. Her shoes and outfit are ready for a walk on the street.
She pushes him playfully and totters unsteadily on her crazy-tall high-heel shoes.
Buffy-perspective view of feet.
View moves up the body
Buffy turns to catch her reflection in a conveniently open locker’s mirror. Her hair is perm-frizzed; her face is covered in sever acne; her glasses were stolen from Drew Carey, and there are big, scary braces on her teeth.
Part 2
Scene: Buffy, Xander, Willow huddled before the front doors of Sunnydale Junior High. They are all clearly dazed and confused.
Her words fail as she stares at her own reflection in a trophy case.
Suddenly the silence is broken by the shrieking clamor of a bell. Students pour down halls, and a widely-smiling teacher appears beside them, clipboard in hand.
The teacher sends of the three open-mouthed pre-teens with a shove.
Scene: The gym, angel looking past the beefy cheek and shoulders of a coach. Xander and other boys are stranded in an endless cross-fire of medicine balls. Xander is ducking and weaving madly, two hands grasping the bunched waist of his low riders, bling beating against his chest.
Scene: PE class with rows and rows of boys doing backwards crab-crawl. Close-up on Xander, pants' waist clenched in his teeth.
Scene: Back of coaches’ head again.
Scene: Coach from the front. Her pink T-shirt reads Ms. Mannly.
To Be Continued
Buffy: Xander! You just had to rub the cursed lamp?
Xander: Well, it could have come up all show tunes and flying carpets.
Willow: Uh-huh, and maybe he’s not going to grind our bones to make his bread.
Xander: But there’s still a chance he has answers to our Twilight problem.
Genie Demon: (with magical booming voice that shakes the room) Foolish mortals, how dare you disturb . . .
Xander: “Foolish mortals . . . “ well that is a bad sign.
Buffy: Oh shut up, Jafar
Xander: Well, it could have come up all show tunes and flying carpets.
Willow: Uh-huh, and maybe he’s not going to grind our bones to make his bread.
Xander: But there’s still a chance he has answers to our Twilight problem.
Genie Demon: (with magical booming voice that shakes the room) Foolish mortals, how dare you disturb . . .
Xander: “Foolish mortals . . . “ well that is a bad sign.
Buffy: Oh shut up, Jafar
She makes to strike him with stake end of her scythe.
Willow: Buffy, wait!
Genie demon stares down at protruding scythe as if he’s been stung by a fly.
Buffy looks back and forth between scythe and Genie demon with dawning comprehension just before Genie-demon swats her across the room. Buffy lands against wall, and Willow rushes over.
Buffy: So staking doesn’t work.
Willow: Not against astraly projected ethereals.
Genie-demon: Mortal scum, The time has come , I’ll show you why, My enemies shake and cry . . .
Buffy: Oh God, a rhyming genie!
Willow: Not against astraly projected ethereals.
Genie-demon: Mortal scum, The time has come , I’ll show you why, My enemies shake and cry . . .
Buffy: Oh God, a rhyming genie!
Genie-demon: At the mention of my name, This is no game, Your brains and eyes, I’ll grind into meat pie
Xander: Really, I wish you’d try!
Willow & Buffy (simultaneously) Xander!
Xander: Oh, balls! That wasn’t a wish. (panicking at the genie’s widening smile) I take it back. I take it back.
Xander: Really, I wish you’d try!
Willow & Buffy (simultaneously) Xander!
Xander: Oh, balls! That wasn’t a wish. (panicking at the genie’s widening smile) I take it back. I take it back.
Genie-demon (bellowing) As you command!
Magic fills the room as reality swirls into chaos. The three friends are spinning through time and space.
Willow: Oh, no you didn’t
Buffy: How could you, emphasize you – former boyfriend of a wish demon –how could you do this?
Xander: Yep, I had myself a heaping bowl of stupid this morning. I’m sorry guys; Whatever happens. I will make this up to you.
Buffy: How could you, emphasize you – former boyfriend of a wish demon –how could you do this?
Xander: Yep, I had myself a heaping bowl of stupid this morning. I’m sorry guys; Whatever happens. I will make this up to you.
Cut to black. Sounds of a hard landing. Groans, gasps of shock.
Xander: Well, it’s dark, but so far, so good.
Willow: Xander. Your eyes are still closed.
Willow: Xander. Your eyes are still closed.
From Xander-perspective-shot we see a large, cheery banner stretched across a school hallway. It reads: Welcome to Sunnydale Junior High! Home of the Red Devils!
Willow: We’re in hell.
Xander: (making strange faces, spinning all around, looking at the world) Hey, I have eyes. Not eye. Oh my beautiful left eye, how I’ve missed you!
Xander reaches up with both hands. Picture widens to show him in full, hip-hop wanna-be splendor, with pants down around his ankles.
Xander: Hey, where’s my belt!
Xander: (making strange faces, spinning all around, looking at the world) Hey, I have eyes. Not eye. Oh my beautiful left eye, how I’ve missed you!
Xander reaches up with both hands. Picture widens to show him in full, hip-hop wanna-be splendor, with pants down around his ankles.
Xander: Hey, where’s my belt!
Xander bends to pull himself back up, and as he straightens, he comes face-to-face with an awesome double-D chest being sported by a very sexy Willow. Her shoes and outfit are ready for a walk on the street.
Xander: God bless America; I have eyes!
Willow: Back off buck-o! You’re still not my type!
Willow: Back off buck-o! You’re still not my type!
She pushes him playfully and totters unsteadily on her crazy-tall high-heel shoes.
Buffy-perspective view of feet.
Buffy: Oh wow, look at my sandals and rainbow toe socks
.View moves up the body
Buffy: shapeless denim skirt and my pink polka-dot sweatshirt.
Buffy turns to catch her reflection in a conveniently open locker’s mirror. Her hair is perm-frizzed; her face is covered in sever acne; her glasses were stolen from Drew Carey, and there are big, scary braces on her teeth.
Buffy: Oh yeah, we are in hell.
Part 2
Scene: Buffy, Xander, Willow huddled before the front doors of Sunnydale Junior High. They are all clearly dazed and confused.
Xander: OK, so it looks bad, but good news, we all lived through this once before.
Willow: Yeah, and it’s not like we were scarred for life. No PTS, no nightmares about the inside of Joey Peterson’s locker, right Xander?
Buffy: Well, I kinda liked Jr. High. There was cheer leading, boys, my friends, clothes . . .
Willow: Yeah, and it’s not like we were scarred for life. No PTS, no nightmares about the inside of Joey Peterson’s locker, right Xander?
Buffy: Well, I kinda liked Jr. High. There was cheer leading, boys, my friends, clothes . . .
Her words fail as she stares at her own reflection in a trophy case.
Suddenly the silence is broken by the shrieking clamor of a bell. Students pour down halls, and a widely-smiling teacher appears beside them, clipboard in hand.
Teacher: Class time, you three. Mr. Harris it’s PE for you. Ms. Summers, drama. I hear today is your big scene. (laughs with just a touch of an evil edge), and Ms. Rosenberg, it’s band for you. Now run along. Don’t be late.
The teacher sends of the three open-mouthed pre-teens with a shove.
Scene: The gym, angel looking past the beefy cheek and shoulders of a coach. Xander and other boys are stranded in an endless cross-fire of medicine balls. Xander is ducking and weaving madly, two hands grasping the bunched waist of his low riders, bling beating against his chest.
Xander: Say, anybody got a belt I could use for a minute?
A ball slams Xander viciously to the floor. 5 more follow for good measure.
Coach: Get those hands up, maggots! Hustle!
A ball slams Xander viciously to the floor. 5 more follow for good measure.
Coach: Get those hands up, maggots! Hustle!
Scene: PE class with rows and rows of boys doing backwards crab-crawl. Close-up on Xander, pants' waist clenched in his teeth.
Coach: Squeeze those cheeks, hairballs. Move it! Move it!
Scene: Back of coaches’ head again.
Coach: Ok, you slugs, line up! Line up!
Scene: Coach from the front. Her pink T-shirt reads Ms. Mannly.
Coach: (addressing line of groaning, gasping boys) You can quit your whining, I’ll make men out of you swabs before you know it.
Xander: (Whispering prayer) Oh please be metaphorical, please be metaphorical!
Xander: (Whispering prayer) Oh please be metaphorical, please be metaphorical!
To Be Continued