Post by Secret Scoobie on Oct 22, 2009 22:59:23 GMT -5
I'm trying to finish some Poems I've been working on but I'm just not feeling like they work!
These aren't fandom based or anything, just personal poetry so if that's not something you want to read, look no further! I would love suggestions for how to make them structured and flow better and if you feel anything is missing feel free to point it out. Beware they may sound pretty depressing!
Note: NONE OF THESE ARE FINISHED PIECES YET
Coroner
She runs her fingers through my skin
Layer by layer, she knows me.
Holding my heart in her latex palm
she scrubs me clean with memory.
She cuts my empty veins and flesh,
exposing my toxin filled bones.
Amputate my sorrow, donate my pain
exorcise my resonant tones.
What will she tell them
what can she write
when I tell her that they
were the cause.
I pause.
.
.
.
Their deaf ears strain to hear,
now all my sounds are gone.
Their cateract eyes strain to stare,
now all that was isn't there.
My beige is as blue
as my pink is black,
This is what I wanted.
One by one my fingers fall
as a limp grasp surrenders,
to let go of it all.
~~**~~
Body
My eyes are not sky anymore
They’re ash.
The arrogant wind burns them.
And you love the wind.
My mind is not questioning anymore
It’s obsequious.
Their perfect society doctors it.
And doctors don’t concern my health.
My lungs are not full anymore
They’re dejected.
Your selfish breath wears them.
And I don’t care for breath.
My heart is not willing anymore
It’s deplorable.
My stale blood erodes it.
And letting blood is all I know If life is in my body, my body is already dead.
**~~**
Hypocrit[/size]
My costume tingles as the buttons fall off
And I’m cascading through this trench I dug
I renounced my fingers to dig it
Knowing unwell the happy ending.
What about my wings?
Loosened once or twice
After, crushed back behind my spine.
I can’t break my ribs for you.
You depress them,
Into myself, into my heart.
And I say ‘uncle’.
What happens if I scream?
I dare not let the voices out
My hearing doesn’t abide me anymore.
I’m ill with the pain of nursing your stitches as well as mine, I sigh.
~~**~~
These aren't fandom based or anything, just personal poetry so if that's not something you want to read, look no further! I would love suggestions for how to make them structured and flow better and if you feel anything is missing feel free to point it out. Beware they may sound pretty depressing!
Note: NONE OF THESE ARE FINISHED PIECES YET
Coroner
She runs her fingers through my skin
Layer by layer, she knows me.
Holding my heart in her latex palm
she scrubs me clean with memory.
She cuts my empty veins and flesh,
exposing my toxin filled bones.
Amputate my sorrow, donate my pain
exorcise my resonant tones.
What will she tell them
what can she write
when I tell her that they
were the cause.
I pause.
.
.
.
Their deaf ears strain to hear,
now all my sounds are gone.
Their cateract eyes strain to stare,
now all that was isn't there.
My beige is as blue
as my pink is black,
This is what I wanted.
One by one my fingers fall
as a limp grasp surrenders,
to let go of it all.
~~**~~
Body
My eyes are not sky anymore
They’re ash.
The arrogant wind burns them.
And you love the wind.
My mind is not questioning anymore
It’s obsequious.
Their perfect society doctors it.
And doctors don’t concern my health.
My lungs are not full anymore
They’re dejected.
Your selfish breath wears them.
And I don’t care for breath.
My heart is not willing anymore
It’s deplorable.
My stale blood erodes it.
And letting blood is all I know If life is in my body, my body is already dead.
**~~**
Hypocrit[/size]
My costume tingles as the buttons fall off
And I’m cascading through this trench I dug
I renounced my fingers to dig it
Knowing unwell the happy ending.
What about my wings?
Loosened once or twice
After, crushed back behind my spine.
I can’t break my ribs for you.
You depress them,
Into myself, into my heart.
And I say ‘uncle’.
What happens if I scream?
I dare not let the voices out
My hearing doesn’t abide me anymore.
I’m ill with the pain of nursing your stitches as well as mine, I sigh.
~~**~~