Coming Out.

[PJ]

I've decided to finally come out this year to my family and friends that i am gay. I've kinda known since about middle school that i was, but starting in high school, and now 10th grade im sure. The reason im posting this is to ask you guys for some advice and support on coming out to parents and friends, or just to share your stories. thanks. -PJ

[Skytteflickan88]

Maybe tell the person you think will be the most supportive first, "win" them over, and then ask that person to stand by you when you tell everyone else.

In case you expect a bad reaction from several, maybe gather everyone in a room, break the news, then leave if things get to intense. That way, you don't have to deal with disapproval over and over again.

[PJ]

well, i think i know who im telling first, my sister. She is really the person i can trust right now with this, once im comfortable with her i might move a little closer to telling my parents then friends. Thanks for the reply Sky.

[drusillacakes]

I agree-- you should tell the person you think would be most supportive first. If anything, at least you know there will be someone on your side. Alternatively I think it might make it easier if you tell people individually. One of my closest friends is gay, and I know it was hard for him but it seemed to strengthen our friendship that he trusted me enough to tell me one on one. However way you choose to do it, good luck. I hope it goes well.

[PJ]

thanks drusillacakes.
it's most likely going to be a hard time doing this (really hard telling my dad) but i'll get through it. But individually sounds like a good idea. My sister is really supportive of me so i think she will understand and accept me the way i am.

[Mayor Of F♥ckville]

Well congrats to you PJ! It takes courage to come out to the people closest to you. The first person I told was my friend from work and ever since then.. I just stopped caring about it. I just did whatever and if people said I was gay I was like... I am. Ha. I even have a pink phone now.. and if you don't know after that.. then you're insaneee.

[willowsummers]

I would present it to them as the thing that makes you happy. It's a part of you and it's something that's important to you. But I would do it without trying to be offensive so that it won't be as likely to provoke anybody. I don't know your family, so I can't imagine what they will say to you, but I feel like that would be the best tactic for anybody to take. They are your family and this is you, the real you. You have to, at least, give them the chance to accept you for the real, whole you or you know they never can.

I'll pm you with the rest, PJ...

I also just gave you karma.

[Just Willow]

well, when I first decided ot tell someone that i might be bisexual, after three years of wallowing in the possibility, i told my closest friends first. I haven't told my family yet, but i don't need to, because i'm still not sure XD.

But yeah, i would og with what the others have said. Tell people you know will be supportive first, and work from there. Best of luck, PJ!!

[jellymoff]

You are a brave soul PJ, and you deserve to be able to be yourself, especially around the people that you love. I can't say that I have any particular advice for you, as I never had this experience, but one thing I can say is don't underestimate the ones who love you. You may be surpised at how accepting they might be, but then again, I don't know your family. Just remember that no matter what, you are not wrong and you are not at fault. You are just being you! Best of luck PJ!

[wenxina]

Chances are, they already know. My parents knew before I bothered to tell them. My dad was a little disappointed when I told him, but he's getting over it (it's been a couple of years now), and he still loves me. My mother, being the bawdy broad she is started asking about sex positions... go figure.
Note, these were two separate occasions, as my parents are divorced.
Good luck.

[Miss. Rogueh]

Congratulations! This is a big step. Know that you will always have your SlayAlive family's full support.

[CowboyGuy]

It's important to remember that your parents will love you regardless, even if they say they cannot. People need time to "deal" with their child coming out, and sometimes it takes 2.5 seconds...or even years. My Mom still has yet to even begin to accept it.

[PJ]

wow guys. thanks for all the support. i am so glad i can finally feel like i can talk to some people about this. i mean, i feel like i have to hide everything i do that makes me...me, you know? I really think that once im out, im going to be the same, but im going to feel ALOT better and more confident in everything. thanks again guys.

Feb 23, 2010 21:21:19 GMT -5 Miss. Rogueh said:

Know that you will always have your SlayAlive family's full support.

yeah, im really glad to have you guys!

[Darth Rosie]

PJ, all my good wishes and karma for your coming out!

Let me tell you two short stories about my own coming out. I found out I was lesbian when I was 24; before that I was in a long term and rather happy relationship with a guy. But falling in love with a woman turned my whole world upside down.

As to my family. After I had broken up with my boyfriend, I went home to my parents, and I took the journey with my sister. When we met in the train I said: I am going to tell you something important now, and I will let you guess once what it is. She replied: You're over with men. I nearly yelled at her something like: What are you talking about? Are you crazy? How did you know? She, calmly: About time you found out yourself.

Also my mother knew deep inside that something was "different" with me. With her, it was much more difficult. She wondered if there was anything she had done wrong. It was not easy for her, and she was embarrassed of me. She didn't want to tell her friends. She didn't want me to tell my father. But she assured me time and again that this would not make her not love me as her daughter. What we agreed on was honesty: That she is allowed to and should talk about her insecurities and difficulties of acceptance, because this is the only way to re-build the basis a good relationship. Now me and my girlfriend are best friends with mother's best friend. time sure has changed.

All my best to you, PJ. I'll be thinking of you and if there is any support you need, there's also my PM

[gumgnome]

I've no advice I can offer - the words above all sound good to me. I can only offer my congratulations, respect and best wishes. Go for it, PJ!

[Hellbound Hyperion]

Feb 24, 2010 3:16:22 GMT -5 gumgnome said:

I've no advice I can offer - the words above all sound good to me. I can only offer my congratulations, respect and best wishes. Go for it, PJ!

This is me, as well. We support you! *thumbs up*

[Beaumonde]

Good luck, PJ! Telling one person is like the first hurdle. Once you've told someone you should become more confident about telling others.

Atleast that's how I felt about it. The first person I told was my mom and she was really accepting about it. Then about a year later my brother found out, because he was smart and put the pieces together, and he drunkenly told my sister and she didn't believe him. But I told her it was true and she did the whole "how can you know?" speech.

[PJ]

thanks guys for the support. it really does mean alot to me to here it.

[Mathieu]

Wow, PJ... it's really brave of you to tell your family while you're still in high school.

Personally I always knew since I was a kid that I liked both girls and guys... which kind of made me very insecure for a long time. I always forbade myself from dating guys.

In 2008, while I was staying in the US and my family was back in France I decided to come out as bisexual to my sister, my parents, my cousin and my two best friends. It felt so good to finally talk about it. My parents e-mailed me back saying they would love me no matter what. My sister, my cousin and my two friends were totally cool with it of course. I was 21 back then.

Today I'm 23 and there are very few people who don't know I'm bi. However, those who know tend to still consider me straight so it's kind of awkward. My mom still talks about my "future wife" all the time.

But still, it was a huge weight off of my shoulders when I first decided to talk about it. It relieved some of my anxiety.

So good luck with your own coming out! You'll feel great afterwards!

[whitecandy]

I haven't been through anything like this so I am afraid that I don't have any advice for you, so all I can say is good luck in telling your friends and family. Remember that they all love you for who you are, and this is part of who you are, which will only strengthen the relationships that you have with them, for being so honest and brave.