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Post by nl197 on Oct 19, 2010 22:13:40 GMT -5
I don't really have the words to describe how much I loathe the fact that it can indeed be so difficult to just show parents a piece of who a person is, and then faces rejection for it. I see no credible way of justifying it either, because there isn't any way. It's just plain wrong no matter what. Why should ANYONE in this thread ever have to feel that fear of their own parents...I'll shut up now.
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Post by wenxina on Oct 20, 2010 0:16:13 GMT -5
Coz parents are human, and thus fallible. Despite the ease of saying that parents should love their children regardless, admitting that the kid isn't quite what they expected is also hard. It challenges their beliefs, and more often than not, there's some sorta guilt involved. Usually along the lines of "Did I do something wrong?" Of course, that's if you believe that being gay is some kinda anomaly, which quite simply, if you're having trouble wrapping your head around your kid's orientation, you probably do think along those lines.
I'm not justifying what happens, but rather rationalizing it.
My dad had a little trouble accepting it, but he's coming around. He never stopped loving me, but for a while, he had trouble accepting it, and went through a short phase of denial.
Best advice I can give: It gets better. When you leave your parents behind, strike out on your own, go to college, or whatever... it becomes a lot easier to be who you want to be. Self-discovery becomes a lot easier with freedom.
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Post by harmindervamp on Oct 22, 2010 8:53:15 GMT -5
However PJ, if you do begin to have doubts with how you're parents might react I do recommend you to see a therapist or someone very helpful before coming out to your parents because hypothetically speaking, if your parents are upset by your orientation, it'll feel much better to talk to someone else who can support you. But that's only if you have doubts. It's also because when i came out it was a nightmare, i had never spoken to anyone about me being gay and I had no support really what so ever. I just wish i had a lot of support as you have on this thread. I have to also say, this is the BEST thread EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh yeah and GOOD LUCK again.  |
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Post by PJ on Oct 23, 2010 9:19:06 GMT -5
actually i was thinking about doing that, seeing a school therapist maybe.... and yes i agree. i just love looking at this thread, it makes me feel so happy that im not the only one who has or had felt the same way i do!  |
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Billie Erin
Ensouled Vampire
"I go back to December"
"I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."[Mo0:0]
Posts: 1,536
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Post by Billie Erin on Oct 24, 2010 7:59:13 GMT -5
I saw my school nurse when I had anxiety a few years back and she was really good, she really listened to my worries about confidentiality. Best of luck whatever you choose.
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Post by whitecandy on Nov 5, 2010 17:09:58 GMT -5
I have also seen a counsellor in the past and it really does help. Having someone completely away from the situation to talk to can be really good and help you deal with things and piece together your feelings in a more productive and rational way.
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Shane
Potential Slayer
I saw a baby today.[Mo0:0]
Posts: 135
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Post by Shane on Nov 6, 2010 0:02:31 GMT -5
I don't really know what you should do but I hope you make good decisions and don't get distanced from family or lose friends along the way... ETA: Actually, I was thinking... what if you bring up these kinds of topics at dinner sometime or when a relatable TV show is on something. Your parents can give you their non-subjective opinion and you guys can then discuss it and make them more okay with it for when you *do* come out. And it will also help your approach if you knew their opinions on similar matters. They may feel bad that you had to do it that way but hopefully they'll understand over time. Of course, it could all go terribly wrong if you aren't sneaky enough.  |
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Post by wenxina on Nov 9, 2010 8:14:18 GMT -5
Unless they're deathly stupid, or in utter denial, you won't be able to be sneaky enough. Just saying. Parents are more perceptive than their kids usually give them credit for. And vice versa.
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Post by whitecandy on Nov 9, 2010 8:30:55 GMT -5
^^Very true, my mom knew everything I was up to when I was a teenager and lived at home, no matter how sneaky and clever I thought I was being!!
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Shane
Potential Slayer
I saw a baby today.[Mo0:0]
Posts: 135
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Post by Shane on Nov 9, 2010 11:02:03 GMT -5
^^Yeah, we should fix that.
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Post by harmindervamp on Nov 9, 2010 11:26:30 GMT -5
A relative of mine passed away last week and that really upset me. While I was upset my depression began to get worse and I really wanted to tell someone about my orientation so i spoke to my dad first because i told him that i am gay about 2 years ago. My dad wasn't happy about me wanting to tell anyone which made me feel much worse. I couldn't tell my mum because her mum recenlty passed away and that would just make her more upset. My therapist said to me that we don't all get the things we want and so on.
After talking to my dad about my orientation the next day i rang my therapist because i was getting panic attacks all over again, and i explained to her that it's getting worse and my dad doesn't seem i should talk to anyone about my orientation apart from a therapist. All my therapist kept saying was that i needed to work on my anxiety first, and it's really hard for me to do that because i'm worrying about so many things.
My dad also said to me that if i tell the rest of my family they would make jokes about it. It makes sense that it's mainly to do with my culture and I really can't do anything about it.
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Post by whitecandy on Nov 10, 2010 8:31:47 GMT -5
^^Sorry to hear how bad things are for you at the moment harm. Don't worry about telling anyone else at the moment or worrying about what they will think, concentrate on getting yourself better first so you can deal with these things in a better way.
I know you say that it is hard for you to work on your anxiety because you are worried about so many things, but therapy will help you separate those things into individual issues to be dealt with one at a time and separate from one another, which in turn will help the anxiety.
I went through Cogntive Behavioural Therapy earlier this year and to start with couldn't see how it was going to help me with all my problems as there were too many and they were too big and I just couldn't see an end. It really did help me, not just in that it helped my final diagnosis of a bi-polar mood disorder, which is now being treated with medication (unfortunately CBT can't help chemical imbalances properly) and is a god send after many years of suffering without knowing what was wrong with me, but it helped me deal with the other things that I was suffering from (OCD, panic attacks, not sleeping, anxiety) that COULD be dealt with by CBT and I began to, and still do, look at things differently and more rationally that I did before.
Speak to your therapist about CBT as I really think it is worth a go as it helped me so much and still does, training your mind to think and deal with things differently.
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Post by harmindervamp on Nov 10, 2010 9:05:33 GMT -5
Thank you, whitecandy. I'm seeing my therapist tomarrow again, however last week when i went to see my therapist i thought i was going to feel better but i ended up feeling worse on the day.
Since my Nan (my mum's mum) passed away i've been feeling really down and i keep thinking about things like where will i be when my parents pass away. I also have an obsession to think about having kids through surrogacy, so I can have more to look forward to in the future, and i don't even know anything about that and that freaks me out even more. You know what i mean?
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