Post by Midnight Butterfly on Feb 27, 2010 15:52:47 GMT -5
I havn't had a chance to read over the previous posts yet and so instead of mentioning things people have probably already said I'll share my story.
I knew I was gay since I hit puberty and thats when most people find out, its extreamly rare to know before that. In anycase, at first I denied it, I didn't bother me, I wasn't stressing over it and thought of even thought about telling people as I was 11. When I was 14 it really started to hit me, and thats when I began stressing as it was become more and more clear that it isn't something that will pass, that I was infact gay. At late 14 early 15 I began cutting myself and couldn't think about anything else, all I could of was carrying at the time I believed to be the biggest burden ever. I cut myself regurly but I don't want to get into more detail on that bit.
Eventually it got to much for me and I had to tell someone. One of my closest friends had a huge crush on me and texted me all the time, she didn't really see why I kept turning her down and never had a reason to explain why. Her friend was gay and I didn't think it was fair for me to repetedly turn her down and then I told her I was gay. She was the most supported person ever. She told me about this youth club for gay guys and she supported me the entire time. I told her through the phone and we were both unaware that another good friend over heard us on the phone, but she was also great about it. She wasn't supportive like the first friend, she just didn't act any differently around me as though it didn't matter, she later told me that she was bisexual.
So I felt a weight being taken off my shoulders just by telling those two people, and I didn't tell anyone else after that and was happy and didn't feel the need to just yet. Then came the most important yet worse day of my life, I hate even thinking of it but I will go on if it helps.
I just came back from a school trip and one of my friends was talking to me, we were having a laugh and I was unaware that my sleeve slightly rolled up and she saw a few slices on my arm, she started to ask questions. She really wanted to know why I did it and wanted to help but I wouldn;'t tell her. We were in school so I ran to get the school bus home and told her I would tell her that night, because we were going to a concert. So basically I told her that night and her reply was 'so what?'. I left the concert early and went a walk to clear my head. I found myself stressing and stressing about telling people and I felt worse than I ever did in my entire life. Without thinking I took out my phone and texted my mum with the words 'Im gay'.
I regretted straight away and was more afraid than ever. She rang me asking if it was a joke and I said no, she said my dad will be horrified and that she wants me home. I told her I wanted to stay at a friends for the night and didn't want to go home. She refused to let me and her and my dad collected me in the car and hour later to take me home. Within that hour I told another friend that I was gay and she was just amazing, she was kinda happy that I was gay lol. Her reaction was 'yay!'.
In the car home my little sister was there and we didn't say much, although my dad said 'did you have a good time' which I thought was weird and I responded yes, even though I clearly didn't. When I got home my mom came up to my room and said 'since when were you gay?' she seemed dissapointed and angry and I shouted at her 'What a stupid question I always have' and she said 'whos the boyfriend?' and I replied 'There is none' and she then stormed out of the room like she was about to cry. 5mins later my dad came up and talked to me, he said 'give it time, you may think that now but things may change, just don't make any rash decisions until you live life a little and then you'll know for sure. Dont put a label on yourself at this age that you cant remove. If you are gay then your still my son and it doesn't matter'. He then shook my hand and left the room. I almost cried after he left because it meant so much to me. My mom later called me into her room and said that it's going to take her some time to get used to it but eventually she will, that she will love me no matter what and thats what comes first.
About a week later I told my big sister and she was suprisingly fine with it. Asking if I had any guys on the go and stuff lol. And then when my mom heard me and my sister talking about it she said 'he never tells me anything' as though she wouldn't mind if I talked to her about guys. She even keeped asking me what am I going to get my boyfriend for christmas when the time came. Since then I don't talk to my sister or parents about it and they don't mention it. It's a little weird but its just that they know that I'm gay and are accepting it in their own way.
I havn't told anyone else after that except for a few friends who were all fine with it. I think that the people that I havn't told yet are the people who would have a problem with it and therefore I don't feel the need to mention it to them. Some of my family would be disgusted and I dread when I come to tell them but I dont think it would be anytime soon. I am happy the way things are at the moment and I am thinking of telling everyone else next year when my brother goes to uni, then it will be easier for him to digest.
I hoped this helped PJ. I know how tough it can be and I hope all goes well. It will be one of the toughest things you will have to do in your life, and even if things are bad right after you tell everyone, it will only get better from then. I hope I didn't bore you with this big long comment but this is the first time I looked back at the entire expreiance like this
I knew I was gay since I hit puberty and thats when most people find out, its extreamly rare to know before that. In anycase, at first I denied it, I didn't bother me, I wasn't stressing over it and thought of even thought about telling people as I was 11. When I was 14 it really started to hit me, and thats when I began stressing as it was become more and more clear that it isn't something that will pass, that I was infact gay. At late 14 early 15 I began cutting myself and couldn't think about anything else, all I could of was carrying at the time I believed to be the biggest burden ever. I cut myself regurly but I don't want to get into more detail on that bit.
Eventually it got to much for me and I had to tell someone. One of my closest friends had a huge crush on me and texted me all the time, she didn't really see why I kept turning her down and never had a reason to explain why. Her friend was gay and I didn't think it was fair for me to repetedly turn her down and then I told her I was gay. She was the most supported person ever. She told me about this youth club for gay guys and she supported me the entire time. I told her through the phone and we were both unaware that another good friend over heard us on the phone, but she was also great about it. She wasn't supportive like the first friend, she just didn't act any differently around me as though it didn't matter, she later told me that she was bisexual.
So I felt a weight being taken off my shoulders just by telling those two people, and I didn't tell anyone else after that and was happy and didn't feel the need to just yet. Then came the most important yet worse day of my life, I hate even thinking of it but I will go on if it helps.
I just came back from a school trip and one of my friends was talking to me, we were having a laugh and I was unaware that my sleeve slightly rolled up and she saw a few slices on my arm, she started to ask questions. She really wanted to know why I did it and wanted to help but I wouldn;'t tell her. We were in school so I ran to get the school bus home and told her I would tell her that night, because we were going to a concert. So basically I told her that night and her reply was 'so what?'. I left the concert early and went a walk to clear my head. I found myself stressing and stressing about telling people and I felt worse than I ever did in my entire life. Without thinking I took out my phone and texted my mum with the words 'Im gay'.
I regretted straight away and was more afraid than ever. She rang me asking if it was a joke and I said no, she said my dad will be horrified and that she wants me home. I told her I wanted to stay at a friends for the night and didn't want to go home. She refused to let me and her and my dad collected me in the car and hour later to take me home. Within that hour I told another friend that I was gay and she was just amazing, she was kinda happy that I was gay lol. Her reaction was 'yay!'.
In the car home my little sister was there and we didn't say much, although my dad said 'did you have a good time' which I thought was weird and I responded yes, even though I clearly didn't. When I got home my mom came up to my room and said 'since when were you gay?' she seemed dissapointed and angry and I shouted at her 'What a stupid question I always have' and she said 'whos the boyfriend?' and I replied 'There is none' and she then stormed out of the room like she was about to cry. 5mins later my dad came up and talked to me, he said 'give it time, you may think that now but things may change, just don't make any rash decisions until you live life a little and then you'll know for sure. Dont put a label on yourself at this age that you cant remove. If you are gay then your still my son and it doesn't matter'. He then shook my hand and left the room. I almost cried after he left because it meant so much to me. My mom later called me into her room and said that it's going to take her some time to get used to it but eventually she will, that she will love me no matter what and thats what comes first.
About a week later I told my big sister and she was suprisingly fine with it. Asking if I had any guys on the go and stuff lol. And then when my mom heard me and my sister talking about it she said 'he never tells me anything' as though she wouldn't mind if I talked to her about guys. She even keeped asking me what am I going to get my boyfriend for christmas when the time came. Since then I don't talk to my sister or parents about it and they don't mention it. It's a little weird but its just that they know that I'm gay and are accepting it in their own way.
I havn't told anyone else after that except for a few friends who were all fine with it. I think that the people that I havn't told yet are the people who would have a problem with it and therefore I don't feel the need to mention it to them. Some of my family would be disgusted and I dread when I come to tell them but I dont think it would be anytime soon. I am happy the way things are at the moment and I am thinking of telling everyone else next year when my brother goes to uni, then it will be easier for him to digest.
I hoped this helped PJ. I know how tough it can be and I hope all goes well. It will be one of the toughest things you will have to do in your life, and even if things are bad right after you tell everyone, it will only get better from then. I hope I didn't bore you with this big long comment but this is the first time I looked back at the entire expreiance like this
i know i'll come out soon.......especially if this guy i like, likes me back. Then i will basically RUN out of the closet!!!! 
Good luck!