What's Your View On Sex?

[sarahcullen90]

Honestly, I think that sex is a wonderful thing. It can be beautiful with the person you love, but it can also be a good stress reliever. At the moment, I'm all for casual sex. I'm in kind of a friends with benefits thing right now. I don't really want a relationship, but I like sex. I'm not saying I haven't made my share of mistakes, but I don't like seeing them as regrets. You should never regret the choices you make. You should just see them as a learning experience and make sure you watch out for that.
I can't really say anything about the age thing, as I lost my virginity when I was 16, but I believe you shouldn't have sex as young as some of these girls are. My little brother's step sister had a baby at 14 and that's just ridiculous.
I stongly believe in protection. Condoms are always good, but not fool proof. They can break. Its best to be on some sort of birth control as well. Like the Depo shot.

[bonoferox]

I was raised in a pretty conservative home and was always told to wait until marriage. I had planned on that, but the first girl I got really serious with (and knew she would be the one) convinced me to take it to the next level and we ended up having sex in less than a year after we started dating. We got married a couple years later and I was glad I waited. Unfortunately, things ended this year.
Weird thing is, I was always told abstinence before marriage was what "God wanted" because it was in the Bible, but it turned out that abstinence before marriage actually had no theological origin and was devised pre-Bible in order to ensure that an estate would be passed to the bloodline and not a bastard child. I wouldn't do a one-night stand just because there's no way it can be trusted and it's much better when there's passion and real emotion behind it. Just be smart with it.

But that's just my opinion.

[Scarygothgirl]

I was talking to someone the other week and she said to me if you have sex with multiple people, you may get to the point where in the future your friends get married and you've slept with their husband/wife (possible as friends tend to know the same people). And that's kinda a gross idea.

[Talkie Toaster]

^that's only if you have sex with friends (or friends of friends) but leaving out the sleeping with friends part to get to that point i think you would at least have to sleep with between 2 million-600 million people (depending on where you live)

[Skytteflickan88]

Aug 28, 2010 12:43:30 GMT -5 bonoferox said:

I wouldn't do a one-night stand just because there's no way it can be trusted and it's much better when there's passion and real emotion behind it. Just be smart with it.

But that's just my opinion.

How about if you have a one night stand with a friend? Not exactly sure what you meant by trusted.

[bonoferox]

I have a friend that has mentioned being a friend with benefits for me, but I just don't know if I could. Too many possible outcomes that could be negative.

[Skytteflickan88]

Yeah, sounds pretty risky.

[bonoferox]

Yeah.
Though I admit, the act is missed.

[sarahcullen90]

Yeah, friends with benefits aren't so good unless both people strictly understand it's just about sex and nothing more. A lot of times usually one of the people tends to develop feelings. And I agree bonoferox, the act is certainly missed.

[spurtyknowledge]

I view sex as something every person has the right to define for themselves. For me, sex is not unlike a good run or any similar workout: it's natural, beautiful, fun, alleviates stress, and a form of expression. It's an experience: one that is shared by two or more people, and literally comes in different flavors, so to speak.

As long as you're consenting adults, have at it! The important thing is to have fun, be spontaneous, experiment, and get to know what you and/or your partner(s) like.

Love and sex are two completely different things. One is an action, one isn't. Love is more than just romantic love. I can love someone without being in love (romantic) with them. Most importantly, romantic love isn't a requirement for sex. Consent is. Mutual respect is.

People who choose to have casual sex and one night stands are human beings and deserve as much respect as anyone else. Thinking otherwise shows a clear lack of compassion.

As for the word "slut," it has absolutely no meaning. There is no defined answer for when one becomes a slut. After one partner? Two? Three? Nine? How much is too much? Every woman I know has been called a slut at one point and it is not restricted to sexual promiscuity. Used as an insult it is incredibly hurtful whether said by a man or by a woman. "Manwhore" is also quite problematic, but because the main of society is still very much patriarchal, "slut" is more of a loaded insult when used as such. Slut shaming is one of the worst effects of patriarchy: women have been taught to be ashamed of their bodies, ashamed of their sexuality, and in turn shame other women who aren't afraid to express themselves. The misogyny behind the word is clear: slut shaming is used to devalue women for their sexual choices, it is used to justify rape ("She was asking for it"), and it is a clear condemnation of self-expression. Women are shamed for being sexually free (sluts) and are frigid/old-fashioned if they are not. Where is the middle? Where is the part where she has the freedom to be who she wants to be and not be judged by it?

I don’t care if a woman is cartwheeling down the street naked singing “Afternoon Delight” a capella. No one is ever “asking” to be sexually assaulted. No one ever gives you the right to sexually assault them.

Credit: stfusexists.tumblr.com/

Also, the coining of the term "manwhore" doesn't justify the use of "slut." Emphasized in the former, is "whore," another word that specifically makes sex shameful and devalues any one who chooses to have an undetermined amount of sexual relations.

Now, I'm okay with reclaiming words and using them to counter their previous meaning. I'm okay with Margaret Cho proudly calling herself slutty while saying that women have the right to express themselves sexually in each and every way they want. I'm all for a "Slut Pride Parade," but I do think critical thinking and responsibility come hand in hand with reclaiming such charged words.


This disturbed me:

Aug 8, 2010 22:43:54 GMT -5 drgreenevil said:

Waiting for marriage is the best way. Just saves you so much heartache.

The divorce and domestic violence rates in the U.S. alone proves this incredibly wrong. Not to mention that marital rape is still very much rape. Being married doesn't make it okay. A ring on your finger does not say, "You can have sex with me any time you want to even if I say no." Casual sex where all partners involved have given full consent does not cause heartache. Not being in a committed relationship does not cause heartache. Marriage does not save you from heartache because then cheating spouses, divorce, child custody battles, domestic violence, and marital rape, would all be non-issues. Also, waiting to have sex until you're married has as many consequences as not waiting. First, you're inexperienced and that can lead to dissatisfaction, disappointment. Something that could be so joyous becomes awkward, and having a ring on your finger and a piece of paper somewhere doesn't mean this person will be with you for the rest of your life.

[Scarygothgirl]

^Marriage is so much more than a ring and a peice of paper. It's an agreement between you and God, and even if you're not religious it's a public declaration of love and that you promise to be together forever, working through any problems. Sure not all marriages work out, and some are hideously unhappy, but when people get married they make a promise to try and avoid that happening.

[spurtyknowledge]

Yes, but the point is that even making such a promise does not actually guarantee happiness, nor that mistakes will not be made by either party.

[Talkie Toaster]

^Exactly, me and my Girlfriend have promised that to each other but we don't need a piece of paper stating that we made that promise.

[Scarygothgirl]

But without marriage the promise is not there. Alot more heartache comes from relationships where neither person is fully aware of eachothers feelings than when the two have openly declared their love infront of freidns family and God.

[spurtyknowledge]

It is there in many cases. You can't generalize which type of relationship causes more heartache.

My mother lived with a boyfriend for years. He helped raise my mom's children (myself included) from two previous marriages. They did not actually get married, mind you he was Catholic and my mom is very spiritual, until eight years into their relationship. Eight years they were together and committed before getting married. They were married for eight or nine more years by the time they got divorced. My mom has even admitted that their married years were harder than when they just lived together as partners.

My aunt has been with the same person for two decades without getting legally married. They have a child and there's no evidence they will separate in the near future. They of course have the normal problems any couple married or not married would have, but they still work through these issues together without needing a piece of paper, a ring, or an event to actually tie them down to one another.

[Scarygothgirl]

I don't have a problem with people who don't want to get married or don't want to wait 'til marriage to have sex. But personally I do want to because I'm a God-follower, and so I want to make sure that I'm with the person God wants me to be with before I fully commit. And yes I see sex within a relationship as an act of committment, it can be done without being an act of committment but that must be fully discussed beforehand to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

[spurtyknowledge]

And no one, myself included, should judge you because you choose to wait. It is admirable that you understand that this is your choice and your belief.

Likewise, no one should judge or disrespect a woman with an entirely opposite approach to sex and relationships.

[Talkie Toaster]

Sept 3, 2010 11:03:18 GMT -5 Scarygothgirl said:

But without marriage the promise is not there. Alot more heartache comes from relationships where neither person is fully aware of eachothers feelings than when the two have openly declared their love infront of freidns family and God.

I'm sorry but to me that just sounds ignorant, How is the promise "Not there" if we have made a vow to each other? we talk to each other all the time about our feelings so how exactly wouldn't we be fully aware of each others feelings just because we didn't "openly declare" our love in front of our friends and family?

Sorry, i do respect your opinion but i guess i just have deep feelings about this.

[Scarygothgirl]

I don't mean that it's not there in all relationships, I'm just pointing out that most people in relationships end up having sex before they've discussed how long they're planning to be together etc. Which is where people end up getting hurt.

And from my point of view if I wasn't religious I probably wouldn't want to get married, I would be fine with a sense of comittment from promising to stay together without the big ceremony. But As I am religious I feel the need to involve God in my relationships.

[drusillacakes]

For someone who has never had it, I feel like I know way too much about it.

Here's the thing, I feel like I need to be in love with a person in order to have sex with them, or at the very least be physically and intellectually stimulated. There needs to be chemistry, and sadly I have never experienced this. One of my closest friends compared me (or rather, my heart) to a castle. Surrounded by a moat. Filled with piranhas. Guarded by a fire breathing dragon. I guess I don't make it easy to let people in...

But this is just me and my messed up head. I have no problem with other people having casual sex as long as they're being safe. All the more power to you!